How do you teach a bad driver? That’s easy. You show him he is a bad driver. This is most effectively done in the curves.
Clover like to drive fast – on straight roads – because of course it is easy to drive fast on straight roads. A sedated gorilla could do it since all you have to do is push down on that far right pedal and – whoosh! – off you go.
Modern vehicles make it seem easy, too. Anything made since circa 30 years ago feels effortlessly fast. Cruising along at 60 or 70 feels slow; the car is hardly working at such speeds. That is why people who ought not to be driving at such speeds – or even any speed, at all – feel so comfortable driving at such speeds. Until something happens that overmatches their marginal capabilities. Like a sudden, unanticipated slowing-down of the traffic ahead. Or having to maneuver around another vehicle that swerved in front of them. It is at this moment that the Clover becomes vaguely conscious of his own limitations.
Curves are another way to try to turn up the dimmer switch in the heads of these Clovers. It is not easy to drive fast when the road bends – unless you know how to. Clovers – by definition – do not. This creates a teaching moment, as the pedagogues refer to them. The “classroom” requires three things: A Clover (riding your ass) a straight stretch of road and a bend in the road. Ideally, a sharp bend. Several of them would be even more so.
You see the Clover closing on you in the rearview. You’re doing a bit over whatever the posted speed limit is, but it’s not enough for the Clover. Interestingly, rather than just pass you – and thereby establish himself as a not-Clover – he will tailgate you. This behavior can be seen as the flip-side of the Clover behavior of driving well below the speed limit and not pulling off onto the shoulder to make it easy for the cars stacked up behind him to pass. 
Now is the time to bide your time. Wait for that bend in the road. Anticipate it. Ideally, it is a bend in the road you know. One you know you can take at speed that will be to a Clover what geometry is to a rooster.
Even more ideally, you’ll be driving a vehicle with a manual transmission, so you can gear down just ahead of the curve and adjust your entrance speed without touching the brakes.
Dive into that corner – powering up as you reach the apex – and watch the Clover suddenly recede from view. It is especially gratifying to school a Clover this way when you are driving something old (like my ’02 Nissan pick-up) that has much lower capabilities than whatever car the Clover’s driving has.
Sometimes, the Clover will come close to losing control, having entered the corner carrying more speed than his abilities can manage. Years ago, such a situation unfolded when I was driving home in a press car PT Cruiser. A Mercedes Clover was riding my ass, literally a couple of feet off the PT’s ass. I decided to lose the Clover and executed a few Frogger-style left-right jinks through holes in traffic. This enraged the Mercedes Clover. I could see so in my rearview. He was furiously flashing his high beams at the cars blocking his way. I was about a quarter-mile ahead when he got around them and I could see he’d put the hammer down to catch up. When he did, instead of passing me – I was in the right lane and the left was open – this Clover resumed riding my ass.
I’d had enough of that.
I knew we were getting close to the exit I used to take to get off the main road we were on. This exit was a very curvy one; just the classroom I needed to school this Clover. It was posted 35 but I knew it could be taken at twice that, if you knew a little about driving fast in other-than-a-straight line. I let the Clover follow me into that curve hot. I was on throttle and holding my line when I shot a quick glance in the rearview and saw the Clover brake hard, which unsettled his Benz. He lost control and side-swiped the guardrail – hard. Piece of Mercedes flew into the air. Later, I returned to the scene in another vehicle and picked up a piece of the Benz’s body cladding that was lying by the side of th road. I wrote War Booty on it with black paint and hung it on the wall of my garage, as hunters sometimes do with the heads of deer they take.
It’s a funny story but it has a serious point. It is that if you cannot drive fast in the curves then you have no business driving fast on the straights.
. . .
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Geebus kidaroos….
Bring back Singapore style Caning!!
“5 strokes of The rattan” and the n’eer do wells will learn…
Unfortunately, that won’t work well with steatopygia negresses…too much lard on the ass.
If the AGW awipes want to do some good, have roving caning patrols, pillory the “offender” along the side of road and 5 whacks on the bare ass should be videoed and put on pay per view…
And administer justice on the spot
Case closed!…. What’s the ticket officer??
Had a situation on the evening commute last night. Two semis nose to tail, traveling at the fastest their governors will allow, ~70 MPH. Both are in the left lane. I’m two cars behind waiting to get into the passing lane. It opens up I change lanes and the two in front and the trailing semi do too as soon as the first two vehicles get past, cutting me off. Now there’s a line behind me and a pickup riding my bumper. I get over and leave enough space for the semi to get back over when he realizes his governor is <1 MPH faster than the lead semi's. Of course pickup clover jumps in and blocks the right lane, preventing the semi in the passing lane to atone for his mistake. This went on for miles, all the while both lanes are more and more blocked. The passing semi was the root cause but there was no reason for the pickup stud to make it worse!
Even on straightways clovers can ruin everything.
To promote true traffic safety, I propose the following:
1. Raise all speed limits at least 10-15 mph outside of urban areas. The fact that most exceed the speed limit is all the proof we need that they are too low. When speed limits are high enough, the vast majority will not speed, because no one has a death wish. Also, driving too slow allows the Clovers to be on their phones or asleep behind the wheel because driving slowly requires little attention and they feel safe. Stupid is as stupid does. Driving 85-100 mph requires attention kicking in the one first and foremost human trait our present speed limits eliminate, which is our survival instinct. Again, no one has a death wish. Even Clovers will start paying attention if their lives depend on it. It does already, but they are too stupid to realize it. Higher speeds fixes that. Pay attention or die. The overwhelming majority will choose to live and drive according.
2. For those that didn’t get the message, police patrolling’s primary focus should become stopping and arresting those blocking traffic. Every single time. Every left lane idiot with a train behind them would receive a ticket. $10 for the first one, $100 for the second, six months suspended license for the third. It wouldn’t take long for the rear view mirror to become something other than what one checks how they look.
3. Viscously stop those following too close which is the number two killer behind drunk driving which is now never enforced. Morons glued to bumpers are a real danger. Those who flunked science need to be made to back off and observe the two second rule. Make this a nasty ticket and see what happens.
Just like the massive increase in fatalities that was supposed to happen when we risked life and limb killing the 55 mph didn’t happen, doing the above would make little difference in traffic fatalities, because again, no one has a death wish, and if driving actually required your full attention, even moron Clovers would chose to live changing our driving world for the better.
Not too bad but it makes more sense to simply ban speed limit enforcement/traffic enforcement and replace it with freedom. No damn “tickets” for anything not involving property damage or injury. This will result in a couple serendipitous things:
Posted speed limits will rise to the actual 80th percentile when there is no incentive to under post speeds for revenue.
Surveillance technologies like radar and laser and cameras will become mostly unprofitable and will only have purpose when subpoenaed as witnesses/evidence in a bona fide damage or injury matter.
Many fewer cops with the incentives to mulct withdrawn, the remainder will more likely be ideological paladins who actually understand what their job, serving the public, is.
Less congested, safer roads, and less safetyism with more passing zones and incentives to actually improve road travel technology beyond the horse and buggy era.
Addressing the corruption and the inherent perverse incentives would do wonders. But it’s going to take a major upheaval vs the current evil paradigm.
Ah, a kindred soul. Thanks for your reply. Your results and mine are the same. I think I’m being just a bit more practical because the Bell Curve is a real thing. I too want unfettered freedom like you, and I think the long term results would be the same with much less loss of life under what I propose. After all, people reading Eric don’t need to be watched, monitored or restrained. We’ll take care of that ourselves, thank you. But a very significant percentage out the on the roads with us is not up to snuff. Thus the traffic enforcement I propose, because for real safety reasons, without the almost certain prospect of red lights in your mirror, this cohort will kill many getting the message without the cops. Just my thoughts.
While I am not a huge fan of the Armed Government Workers aka AGWs shaking people down for money in the name of Saaaaaaafety, the behavior of these Clovers is patently unsafe—yet AGWs aren’t doing much, if anything, about it.
If AGWs indeed are doing what they do for our Saaaaaafety, then why is it that I have never seen an AGW bust any Clovers?
As dysfunctional as EU countries like Germany are, at least their AGWs actually put the kibosh on truly unsafe driving behaviors.
But their AGWs aren’t generally in the business of collecting revenue. (Exceptions abound, of course, but if you get pulled over on the Autobahn, it’s because you screwed up.)
I once had a clover riding my ass while in the right lane on a four lane highway, with three open lanes to pass. I ditched that whack job by taking an exit at the last second and he was beyond it before his addled brain could react. WTF is wrong with these people?
Every freakin’ day I drive the interstate to work. Every freakin’ day, I go faster in the “slow” lane bc a pokey ass blocks traffic in the middle lane & other pokey asses ride the passing lane.
Then comes the big curve. Sigh. Please Lord give me the lottery so I can be done with this shit.
From what does this road rage stem?
Largely, I think it is a microcosm of the desire to have everyone else behave the way you [they] want them to.
Instead of minding our own business, people are quite insistent that others conform to some personal standard of conduct. Sometimes that is not letting kids play in the front yard unattended, or supporting this or that cause if you are a good person, or driving like someone else wants you to drive.
‘It is not easy to drive fast when the road bends unless you know how. Clovers, by definition, do not.’ — eric
This is a truly strange phenomenon, which I witness every week, including yesterday. The two-lane, no-shoulder mountain highway to my town is engineered and signed for 55 mph. Inevitably, clovers will drive it at 40-45 mph.
But upon reaching a 2-mile stretch of four-lane which allows the conga line behind them to pass, the clover will speed up to 65 mph. This obliges others to accelerate to 70 or 75 mph to get past before the dreaded, deadly curves start again.
What misconnected neurons in the brain cause clovers to balk at curves, the way woodpeckers balk at shiny pieces of metal? Who knows — dissecting a few clover brains ‘for science’ might reveal a cure for cancer! 🙂
I really can’t understand why road ragers chase other cars and follow aggressively. I drive defensively, my goal is to avoid other cars (and other people). If somebody drives in a way you don’t like, why chase them? You’re not a cop. If they didn’t do any damage to your vehicle, then just let it go.
I’ve always thought that one of the most likely scenarios in which you’d have to draw your CCW piece is if a road rager forces you off the road and comes after you.
I know I’m not much behind the wheel. I don’t have a car anymore so I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.
But I *did* have a trick I used back in my old hometown. There was a *vast* cemetery there, with many twisty turns in it. I *practiced driving through it as fast as I could with control. later I practiced doing the same at night in the dark.
This came in handy on two occasions (in about 2012, and 2015 or 2016) when some road rager was chasing me. *Not* following or even tailgating, but pursuing with apparent ill intent.
This was all inside the city limits, you understand. I’d speed as fast as I dared until I reached the giant cemetery, then suddenly slow down just enough to whip into one of its many entrances. The idea being to lead my pursuer on a merry chase, a game of “follow the leader — if you can.”
Neither quite took that bait though. The first one (an illegal alien, incidentally) couldn’t even make the first turn into the cemetery, but spun out of control right there without ever entering it.
He then drove around and around on the streets outside it, I suppose hoping to intercept me when I exited it. But I had many exits to choose from, and so avoided him easily
The second time it was a woman (of color, incidentally). She didn’t spin out of control but just broke off the chase. She also made a futile attempt to intercept me as I exited. However, some time later, and several blocks away, I did encounter her again.
This time she was at the back end of a line of cars stopped at a stop light. I came up behind her before quite realizing it was her.
At that point she jumped out of her car and started filming me with her little cell phone. I changed lanes and drove around her. Then I drove to the city police station to report the incident.
But of course she had already preemptively called them and told them *her* story, which of course they believed because 1) she phoned first, and 2) the dispatcher (also a woman of color) was some kind of personal friend of hers.
“Why didn’t you call? ” the dispatcher demanded to know.
” I don’t have a phone,” I told her truthfully. Well, I *did* have a landline telephone at home, but no mobile phone or mobile device of any kind. I didn’t like them. I still don’t.
Morning, David!
Such people are nuts – and there are a lot of them out there, it seems. Therein lies the rub – and the danger. We are psychologically normal people not looking for a fight. We are just headed where we’re headed. When we cross one of these nuts – meaning, we do something that affronts them – they become unhinged and that makes them dangerous. In the Before Time, it might end up with an exchange of birdies. In our time, it can end in a hail of bullets.
Avoidance is prudence.
Funny story but I wonder if the Clover would have been able to do it if it’s car came with stability control? I don’t know much about that technology as it post dates everything I own.
Either way it sounds like the guy was a complete nut job and it’s probably a good thing that you carry.
Speaking of enraged clovers; on the way to a cruise in a few days ago I was going about 5 over on a straight secondary rural road with some idiots behind me that wouldn’t pass (no oncoming traffic) but the tail end driver kept hitting the gravel, was it to see why the old fart in the antique car wouldn’t drive faster or that they couldn’t drive worth a fluck? Nuts….
Morning, Landru!
Curiously, the Clovers give the TA plenty of space. It might be because it’s a threatening-looking muscle car with Angry Redneck on board!
🙂
Compared to modern cars do they back away from the TA and channel Dr. Lexus from Idiocracy and cry out “Why no tattoo”……….
We drove a hand me down 66 Olds, satin/denim blue since my father-in-law was a weekly automatic car wash zero wax guy. Made freeway merge easy, the rich crowd from Bellevue WA heading south wanted nothing to do with that nasty looking Olds with the terrorist bearded sunglasses guy shooting up the on ramp.
The other helper is the big winged Harley Davidson sticker in the Jeep back window. Ass riders will take a look, 90% back off to a reasonable distance. Again the bearded big guy with sunglasses tends to make them think. No I don’t dwaddle either I’m always 15 to 20% over the limit.