It is snowing (and icing) here; very treacherous driving. So naturally, I went out!
“Out” means downtown Roanoke – about 35 miles away. And it means going down (and back up) Bent Mountain, which is named that for a reason. It’s a series of switchbacks and sweepers that takes you from the top of the Blue Ridge (where we live) down to the Roanoke valley – an elevation change of about 1,000 feet in less than two miles. In summer, Bent Mountain is perhaps one of the best “public access” road-race courses on the East Coast; if you have a fast bike – or fast car – it is the perfect testing ground. But in winter, it will test your skills in other ways.
Got down ok. Went to the gym; got some stuff at the store. Headed home – back up the mountain.
Where I ran into a “Clover.”
This is my term for an idiot driver – in particular, an idiot driver who doesn’t know he’s an idiot driver. In this case, the “Clover” was one of those assholes who doesn’t grasp the concept of momentum when attempting to make it up a steep, snow/ice-slicked grade. Bent Mountain is a 6 percent grade. Even if you have a 4×4 (which I do) when the weather turns to shit, you will not make it up the mountain if you slow to a crawl, let alone stop – which is just what the idiot bastard fuckwit ahead of me did when he espied another vehicle coming down the mountain in the opposite lane.
Ohhhhhh! Danger! A car is coming the other way! Must stop for saaaaaaaafety! Flashers on! Think of the children!
So this Clover idjit stops on the 6 percent uphill grade, forcing me to stop, too.
Even in 4WD low, my truck’s ass is now sliding off the road trying to grab hold of some traction. I manage to power out of the trap – going nearly sideways up the road for about 20 yards, front wheels cocked hard right. I get it straightened out, all’s looking good – and there’s the mother fucking Clover again – barely moving his god-damned motherfucking SmoooooooVeeee as the road gets even steeper and slicker.
It is clear to me he’s about to come to a full stop – again – because there’s a caaaaaaaaaarrrrr off to the side of the roooooaaaaaad!!!! Saaaaaaaaafety!
Fuck that – and fuck him.
I power around this inept fuck who should have never left his driveway today and probably shouldn’t be licensed at all – using the opposite lane to do it. I had a window of open road and I took it. Bye bye you dumb son of a bitch. I hope you have to walk 10 miles to a phone after you find yourself halfway up a steep mountain, your SmooooooVeee floundered like a landed sea bass, because you didn’t understand the concept of keeping the fuck moving!
Damn. I’m pissed!
Why don’t these Clovers stay home, where they belong?
It’s almost never the snow that gets you. It’s some Clover who can’t drive, but just has to go out in the middle of a blizzard.
Throw it in the Woods?