Here are some candidates:
* Bugatti Veyron –
Old Scratch certainly has the scratch necessary to acquire a seven figure chariot of hellfire like the $1.7 million, 16-cylinder, 1,000-horsepower Bugatti super supercar. And with four turbochargers, all-wheel-drive and a top-speed of more than 250 mph, the Veyron has what it takes to run with the devil.
Satan says: “Truly faster and more furious than a plague of locusts; I’ll take two.”
* Hummer H1 Alpha –
It takes almost as much gas to keep this bad boy running down Corollas as it does souls in torment to stoke the flames of the Eternal Pit. Whether it’s rooster-tailing through an endangered species’ delicate habitat or spewing brimstone into the skies and lungs of the damned, the always outre Hummer’s more than up to the job.
* Toyota Prius –
It doesn’t get especially good mileage. It’s slower than cars that do get good gas mileage – and it costs two or three times as much as a normal economy car that also gets better gas mileage. What could possibly be more more diabolical? Plus, it’s ugly!
* Chrysler 300C Hemi –
The old – ugly – one. Maybe not quite “Body by Plymouth, soul by … well, you know who.” But, close enough. That gangster-grinning front end is the ideal final sight for wayward pedestrians and spandex-clad would-be Tour de Francers unlucky enough to get in His way.
* Daimler Maybach 62 –
The simple life may work for ol’ goodie-two-sandals, but our guy likes to live large. And with worldly delights that include back seats like Barcaloungers that allow their occupants to fully recline, sued-textured feather-stuffed pillows, a refrigerator/mini bar and (of course) lamb’s wool carpeting, it’s the perfect mobile lounge for discussing the terms and conditions of the sale of your eternal soul.
* Pontiac Aztek –
Of course. Why not give them a preview of what’s to come? The inspiration for this car’s damnation alley styling had to come from the Nether regions – and wherever it travels, there will always be much wailing and gnashing of teeth.