Forget Tazering – This Hero Cop Wants to Eat You!

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NEW YORK — Federal authorities have arrested a New York City police officer in connection with a failed plot to kidnap women and cook them.

The FBI confirmed the arrest on Thursday, but declined further comment.

No women were harmed.

The 28-year-old officer lives in Queens. He had been assigned to a Manhattan precinct before his suspension on Wednesday.

He is expected to appear in federal court in Manhattan later Thursday.

NBC has identified the officer as Gilbert Valle.


  1. There will be an Internal Affairs investigation, during which time he will be placed on administrative leave–a.k.a. paid vacation.

    After four to six weeks, or whenever the publik’s vanishingly short attention span lapses, he will be declared to have “followed department policy”.

    And he will go back on the street.

    • Sad that so often happens. Sadder still that because of the near daily, and thus continuous, onslaught of these reports, makes the public “numb”. There are times I’m glad not to know things.

  2. This story makes me hungry for Mexican Bacon. A delicious All-Hallows-Caust-Eve celebration where all of Americas Swinest are thrown in an open pit mine, covered in tanker trucks full of doughnut glazings and set ablaze. Add splintered baton wood as desired for a smokey flavor. Feeds 315 million angry diners ready to enjoy sex, drugs, rock & roll, and fast cars in peace again.

    A one time holoween where the holocausters become the holocaustees can be the first worldwide holiday. Trick or treat, get your costumes on, let’s roll.

    • Tor I would pay good money for a ride inside your mind one day! I’ve tripped probably ten times in my life, and NEVER did I compose anything as deliciously crazy but true as you do.

      You have a gift, and it’s fun as hell reading it; thanks.


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