For Your Amusement

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Here’s some inside baseball for y’all: shyster 1

We’ve been getting almost daily pitches from PR firms and “bloggers” (also PR firms) along the following lines: 

Partnership suggestion: Custom content created specifically for your audience.


Lauren Carpenter
PR Coordinator

To which I replied as follows:

“Custom Content” = product pitches/ads disguised as “content.”

No thanks.

We accept paid ads – clearly separate from editorial content.

Their reply to the above:

We are looking to form long term relationships by providing content that we write for YOUR audience. yes, there will be links (relevant and well integrated links) that act as a resource for your readers rather than random inserts.

Our content is trending and shareable. This means greater traffic for your site. Again we are looking for relationships, not simply placing articles. Your site looked nice and I think that my team of writers can help your site and provide valuable content for your readers, too.

Here is an example of the matches we make.


My response to the above:

Hi Lauren,

This must be the new  in thing – because we’ve been getting similar pitches almost every day from some oily PR firm looking to turn our site into a worthless collection of spam masquerading as “content.” You’ve got a bunch of hack writers – shills – working for you, ginning up faux “content” which you hawk to web site owners, hoping they’ll agree to post such garbage, giving you free ad space while destroying the credibility of their web site.

Such a deal!

You want to hawk your product? Then buy a goddamn ad slot.

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  1. We have another one!

    Cut and paste follows (bolds added):

    From: Ross Kelly
    To: Eric Peters
    Sent: Thursday, April 4, 2013 9:48 AM
    Subject: RE: Something for your readers

    Hi Eric,

    Thanks for coming back to me so swiftly!

    I was looking more at making a contribution, rather than paid advertising, as I have had free offers elsewhere.

    I just thought this would make a good addition and it works really well on social media.

    Let me know if you are interested and I can write a blog post to go along with the infographic.



    From: Eric Peters []
    Sent: 04 April 2013 13:00
    To: Ross Kelly
    Subject: Re: Something for your readers

    Hi Ross,

    Thanks for contacting us – and we’d be happy to discuss advertising options on EPautos. If you’d like to pursue that, please let us know and we’ll get back to you with some price quotes.



    From: Ross Kelly
    To: “”
    Sent: Thursday, April 4, 2013 7:13 AM
    Subject: Something for your readers

    Hi Eric,

    I hope this email finds you well.

    Recently I have produced an infographic about who will start commercializing autonomous cars which you can view here:

    I thought it would make a good blog post, and would be of interest to your readers.

    What do you think?

    All the best,

    Ross Kelly

    Editorial Outreach

  2. The cackling hens and squawking shills can never know the powerful effects of words. They fly right past all that is good and pleasurable, wings carelessly and loudly flapping. They are tone deaf and utterly devoid of the mellifluent and melancholy melodies of the songbirds.

    The Power of Words

    – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

    Are you a Chimpanzee?

    • Coarse and hot-tempered
    • Raise their hair in anger often
    • Often Resort to physical violence
    • They pull attackers close to bite them
    • Voice: use U and O vowels
    • Less vocal
    • Copulate only when necessary, and from behind
    • Dire stark countenances, and short hair
    • Males dominate by initiating violence with grouprivals.
    • In the wild, exhibit lethal aggression between rivals,
    even including eating the infants of other chimpanzee groups.

    Or are you a Bonobo?

    • Sensitive, attentive and nervous
    • Rarely raise their hair
    • Physical violence almost never occurs
    • Defend themselves by kicking
    • Voice: use A and E vowels
    • More vocal
    • Copulate frequently, indiscriminately and face to face
    • Gracile facial features, and longer hair that parts in middle
    • Females dominate by initiating sex with groupmembers
    • In the wild, they have not been seen to exhibit lethal aggression.

    These two species are each humans’ closest living relatives. They both share 99% of the same human genome we all carry within us, due to our descent from the same predecessors.

  3. SEO….being on the first page of Google. It’s great if you’re trying to be the first plumber,, landscaper or real estate agent to pop up in a zip code search. But it has little, if any value for building blog traffic.

    You have built a strong reader base of anti-authority anarcho-libertarians (some of whom also happen to like cars and motorcycles.) And I say that like it’s a good thing. However, it is hard to think of many companies that want to target their advertising budgets on this particular segment.

    More of your insightful car articles might attract more readers that would attract more paying advertisers. Just a thought.

    • Hi Mike,

      Yeah, and – thanks!

      I try to maintain a decent mix. It’s hard to know which type of article most of the people who visit prefer – purely car (or bike) related…. or political? There is of course some overlap – talking about cars (and driving) these days without also talking about government is like talking about French food in 1941 without mentioning the war.

  4. It is just salestrash up to their same ol’ same ol’ Salestrash and marketeering trash is ruining this country. It started during the regime of ronnie reagan the first salesboy president. At that point image, marketeering and promotion was hoisted above substance, performance and skill. Till we reduce the salestrash in this country by about 80 percent our economy cannot improve. All they do is lie for a living.

      • When people behave like machines they should be replaced by machines.

        The mainstream media ‘news’ is now usually nothing more than repeating government press releases and press conferences. People behaving as machines. No thinking. No investigation. No insight. Might as well be machines.

        The mainstream media is dying because they are largely repeater-bots. It seems that instead of fixing their problem they just want to reduce the labor cost. If it wasn’t for government licensing they would probably be dead by now.

        • I agree, Brent –

          This new thing, though, has my radar tingling. This sudden onslaught of “requests” (as they style it) to “contribute” their “content” (read: ad vehicles). Since this site has been up, I don’t think I received one such “request” …. until about three months ago. Now I am getting them weekly – if not daily.

          Interestingly, this deluge has coincided with a remarkable drop in our advertising revenue – which is based on clicks of conventional ads – ads that are clearly, you know, ads. So, here’s what I have concluded:

          These scumbag corporations – always looking to fuck people out of every last penny so they can make another billion – have decided they no longer want to pay even pennies for ads. No, they want us (web site owners) to carry their ads for free. Some bright bulb hit on the idea…. hey, let’s dress up the ads with “content”… faux articles written solely for the purpose of soft-peddling our clients’ products. The idiots will read these “content” articles and be hand-walked to our clients’ sweet embrace – and the best part is, we won’t even have to pay for these ads-disguised-as-articles (the “content”).

          There is a big push for this going on. These PR/SEO marketing firms (I did some research) have some juice behind them. Corporate juice.

          This country is becoming – hell, already is – a gloryhole of 24/7 “commerce.” No real value – just make a buck, fast. Preferably by screwing someone else.

          Hicks was right.

          • Newsmercials is one of the reasons I don’t bother with TV news any more.

            As far as the corporate sociopathic system, well that’s the real american way. We live in an economic and political system created by 19th century grifters, con-men, and other sociopaths.

            It’s like the constant moaning about how there aren’t enough americans going into engineering and science. Well why should there be when banking, finance, and politics pays so much better? Why work for a living when one can make more in some new corporate scam?

            This what the culture we live in rewards and that’s why we get more and more of it.

    • Salestrash are just lying amoral sociopaths that have been created by public school and TV over the last 30 years. The internet has been able to impede these obnoxious losers quite a bit. Now they are paid sociopathic noisemakers but their power over the little people’s minds is waning.

  5. Evolution of technological cycles:

    First came the pioneers
    Then came the innovators
    Then the entrepreneurs
    after that the artists
    then the rent seekers and politicians
    finally the marketeers and bureaucrats.

    What happens to the pioneers? They retire.
    What happens to the innovators? They’ve already moved on to the next big thing.
    What happens to the entrepreneurs? They’re looking for the innovators.
    What happens to the artists? They develop a cult following.
    What happens to the politicians? They destroy what’s left of the cycle in order to “save it”
    What happens to the Marketeers and bureaucrats? They give themselves awards for “innovating” while actually maintaining the status quo.

    Some of these cycles happen very quickly, I’ve lived through 3: Cable Television (and cheap TV production), Desktop publishing/magazine printing, and the Internet. It gets hard to see the pioneers through the hype sometimes, but once you see them, everything becomes clear. Hopefully we can keep the politicians and bureaucrats out of the Internet for a little while longer, but they’re a sneaky bunch, somehow convincing us that the only way to keep technology free is to chain it up in regulation.

  6. The crime stoppers Atlanta bullying link screams clover. Their kids get bullied because they are weak candyasses who live in some clover infested oprah world of rainbow unicorns. The page layout is fine no need to clutter it up with clover crap.

  7. Funny thread. Informative too. Thanks for the glimpse behind the scenes.

    Their process seems like what happened to TV,… and movies,… and radio. ALL ruined.
    Now they offer it to you too.

    HOW could you refuse? Psft!

    Is this how the c.i.a. does its thing? Propaganda and all that? An insert here, an insert there, who would notice? Love your Clover overlord, they are so kind and giving. And super sthmart too.

    Spiderwebs everywhere.

    • Yeah!

      The really weird thing is that these “requests” have (or are in the process of) displacing conventional advertising. It’s not just this one outfit that contacted us. We’ve been deluged by exactly similar “requests” from at least a dozen different “SEO” PR companies. They all come across as very slick – and well-funded. With staffs of shills. Here’s my take on what’s happening:

      The corporate advertisers who – up to now – have paid pennies-per-click to have their ads (clearly marked as such and distinctly separate from a site’s articles) posted on a web site now want to pay nothing for the same ads disguised (shabbily) as “content” – with the compensation for the web site owner being the “free” … er… “content.”

  8. I don’t think they could provide “custom content” designed specifically to appeal to your readership unless they’ve got writers who can grind out really intense anti-cop, anti-fed, anti-clover rants….and an occasional, insightful review of new or classic cars. 😉

    • Probably not! But they could provide “content” that turns this site (and any other) into an utterly worthless congeries of commercial dreck.

      Buy! Buy! Buy!


      Corporate fuckin’ whores…

      Well, not me. I may be crabby, I may go off the deep end sometimes. But I’m nobody’s corporate fuckin’ whore…. and never will be.

      • Dear Content Provider,

        What a great informative article. Congratulations! Articles regarding corporate shills are the 31st most popular topic in your region right now, so this is spot on.

        I am writing you to make you aware of a powerful free service I offer only to up and coming wordsmiths like yourself. It’s called the Alexa Relevator, which, by installing this on your main page, can increase your readership and traffic literally overnight, with no additional effort on your part.

        Just a little unobtrusive toolbar and javascript that gathers non-personal aggregate data about your readers and seamlessly alters your content to contain the latest hotwords and trending topics as they become relevant.

        Right now, Alexa Relevator users are including the following trending items, the most popular pages, topics, and products in your region, and are increasing their bottom lines because of it.

        1. Michelle Wie Apology 2. Emma Watson Photo
        3. Frozen Pizza Recall 4. Weather
        5. Target dress apology 6. msn
        7. T Mobile 8. Wells Fargo
        9. Evil Dead 10. Drudge
        11. Craiglist 12. Yahoo
        13. Emma Watson 14. Verizon Wireless
        15. Kim Jong Un 16. Chelsea Handler
        17. Carmine Infantino 18. indeed
        19. Instagram 20. Gene Siskel

        1. Star Trek: Original Motion Picture Collection
        2. Living Rich by Spending Smart: How to Get More of What You Really Want
        3. Red Vines Red Original Licorice Twists
        4. The Secret Holocaust Diaries
        5. Charlotte Figg Takes Over Paradise
        6. Scott Bath Tissue, 1000 Sheet Rolls
        7. Sharpie 37001 Ultra Fine Point Permanent Markers
        8. Strathwood Portable Folding Hammock with Carry Bag
        9. Cuisinart CCG-100 GrateLifter Portable Charcoal Grill
        10. Playlist: The Very Best ’80s Radio Hits

        These items change every 5 minutes, and have vary according to local activity in 8,500 unique marketing territories worldwide.

        I’m really proud to offer you the Alexa Relevator to you, it’s a great free service that makes your site more relevant and useful to you readers while increasing your ad revenue at the same time. It’s a smashing win win win for you and all your readers, please respond to let me know when I can discuss this with you personally ASAP!


        B. L. Zebub

          • What would Jesus drive?
            Here’s what the bible says:

            “after the two had disobeyed and eaten the apple, God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury.”

            “Moses’ then warned his followers not to go up the holy mountain – until the Ram’s horn sounds a long mighty blast.”

            Old British motorcycles:
            “the roar of Moses’ Triumph is heard in the hills.” and “Joshua’s Triumph was
            heard throughout the land.”

            Pontiac & Geo:
            “pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm.”

            “For I did not speak of my own ACCORD, but the Father who sent me commanded me what to say and how to say it.”
            John 12:49

            – – – – – – – –

            The name Lucifer means “light bringer.” One of God’s most beautiful creations, and also a hell of a salesman (forgive the pun). He talked Eve into giving up paradise for a piece of fruit, and He’ll talk you into buying the 2015 Toyota Prius Ultra Smug Buggy, a driver-powered car with no engine, only an open floorboard to leave human and not carbon footprints wherever you travel.

            – – – – – – –

            I found these videos on the Highway To Hell forum, thought you might enjoy watching them this Sunday while you’re skipping church again.

            What Would Jesus Drive?

            Jesus Vs. Terminator

            The Annoying Devil

  9. Radiohead – All I Need – (This band shills For: XL, Ticker Tape Ltd., Hostess, TBD, Parlophone, and Capitol Record Labels.)

    The world is non-uniform. Being the supposedly “lucky” kids on the left looks miserable, I’d rather be the kids on the right who live the authentic existence of creating valuable goods like shoes. The kids on the left live off the spoils of a murdering and plundering predatory Spartan dictatorship.

    American Pop Culture is our nations only universal bond. It’s being destroyed by mega-corporation shills serve only to ingratiate the psychopathic smilers with the knives.

  10. Here’s some of Lauren’s trending and shareable content:

    “Being able to witness celestial events is a treat for astronomy buffs, kids and any people in between. It only makes it all the more appealing that these events are so rare and are tinged with a small but easily preventable dose of danger.”

    – –

    “It is sad to speculate about the loss of innovation this trend of rampant patent infringement lawsuits might instigate. Some of the most innovative companies are not necessarily the largest, richest or most well-funded. There has to be a solution, a better way that levels the playing field for the smaller companies that don’t have the means to keep up with each new software release. Once the industry works this out in a way that is fair to all concerned, innovation and creativity can once again flow unimpeded. When this happens, everybody wins.”

    – –

    Heddi Cundle – a shill who hawks BlueFirePR on Bookface and Twither.

    “Big it up” says BlueFirePR shill Heddi Cundle in a facebook post about the BlueFirePR shills loving the mytab shills, the shill organization Heddi belongs to.

    “Guest post by BlueFirePR who lurve ‘myTab’ and wrote this fantastic piece about travel security. Big it up for BlueFirePR :)”

    All brands and shills should be thrown in the woods. Now that is trending and shareable.

    • Thanks, Tor!

      Can you imagine a site populated with such dreck?

      I’ve had at least a dozen different companies – or individuals representing themselves as “bloggers” but who obviously work for one of these companies – hit me up during the past three weeks alone. It’s very interesting – in that this appears to be a new business model. Companies that only paid a few pennies per click for a paid ad now think they can get web sites to accept nothing to post their ads. Just disguise the ads as “content” and – hey, presto!

      Their effrontery is sulfurous. It’s not surprising they style themselves blue flamers.

      That’s the color of a fart ignited by a match.

      • They are blue flamers! They are thought mutilators! They’ve got Electrolytes! They’ve got what your readers crave!

        Brawndo – The Thirst Mutilator

        Corporate F*cking Shills! – Bill Hicks

        “Corporate F*cking Shills! You’re another whore in the capitalist gangbang! Do a commercial, there’s a price on your head. Everything you say is suspect!”

        Jay Leno – Military Industrial Media Complex Shill

          • And look what I found in my “in” box first thing this morning:

            Hi Ericpetersautos.Com Team,

            Hope you are doing fine.

            I thought you might like to know some of the reasons why you are not getting enough organic traffic & most often you stick to Ad words to get more traffic which is quite expensive and the chances is high of getting a spam traffic as well.

            Let me tell you that your website still does not organically rank on major search engine’s first page for most of the popular keywords, which means people searching for your products are not able to find your website and you are losing traffic.

            Some of the major factors which can be overcome for your website to rank well in SERP organically and increase your social media presence are:

            1. Seems like your website carries a lot of technical errors which prevents search engine to crawl and index your website properly.

            2. Your website needs a proper keyword selection and optimization.

            3. Your website is not well furnished with enough quality and theme based back links.

            4. Your website should be more inclined towards Social media promotion and a regular updates in major social networks.

            5. Missing quality web and promotion contents (Article, Blogs etc.) which is preventing your website to gain more authority and ranking in Web Market.

            In the present day scenario it’s very essential to take a proper care of your website and keep it updated with fresh and original contents. There are many additional improvements which can help your website to gain more traffic and visibility. If you are interested to learn more and curious to know how we can help you to improve your website to get a higher traffic, then I would be glad to provide you a detailed proposal for your website.

            Our services include SEO, Reputation management, SMO for websites to make them popular in the web market. We have a dedicated Google Analytics certified team (220+ SEO professionals) who takes care of our campaign process.

            Our clients’ consistently tell us that their customers find them because they are on the top of Google. Being on the top of Google is the best thing you can do for your sales and online reputation. This email just tells you the fraction of things we do, our optimization process involves many other technical factors which can be sent to you on your request. If you would like to know more about our services then please write us back else you can give us a call us in our number mentioned below.

            P.S: – This is our marketing strategy to use a Gmail account. Once you reply us back, we will communicate with you through our corporate Email ID.

            Let me know your thoughts and looking forward to work together.

            Best Regards,
            Jorge Conner |Senior SEO Advisor
            PH. No: 815-255-0855
            Skype: seo.service322

          • Eric, that missive from Jorge is too full of grammatical errors to have been written by a native English speaker. Wonder how badly they would mangle the wonderful “content” they promise to provide. Also, a search for “eric peters” on Ixquick puts your page right up there; I call bullshit to Jorge’s claim about how badly you rank in search engines.

          • “Is anyone here in marketing? If so, kill yourself. That’s it. There is no joke. Kill yourself.” This is why Bill Hicks is immortal.

            “I thought you might like to know some of the reasons why you are not getting enough organic traffic…”

            Kill yourself, Jorge Conner. For all that is good and holy, please kill yourself Jorge.

            • I came to Hicks late. I’d never heard of him until after he’d died. My loss. The guy was absolutely brilliant. I used to think Carlin sat upon Olympus alone. But Hicks deserved to sit beside him. Maybe even above him.

      • OMG LOL “That’s the color of a fart ignited by a match”

        Eric their writing is so banal, so absolutely suckingly vacuous that I immediately imagined a committee of twelve Eloi at a sunny picnic table writing on tissue paper with crayons.

        Does the crap actually sell?? I mean, what’s their demographic–retarded monkeys? Is anyone still alive today so unsophisticated to PR shilling that they buy bullshit? It’s the internet equivalent of a QVS shopping channel come-on.

        Kids today can smell this manure a mile away; it’s why they love Ron Paul.

        Genuine is IN. Fake is not trendy anymore.

        • Just to be clear–the fart-color really is funny, I think I wrote the rest of the post in a way that might be misconstrued as lumping in that truly funny phrase of yours with the critique of BlueFartFire’s writing…

        • Hi Meth,

          We’ve been getting snowed under with these “requests.” They have replaced inquiries about advertising. You know, paying us a few bucks to post an ad – as an ad – separate from the articles and not masquerading as “editorial content.”

          These “corporate fuckin’ whores” (as Bill Hicks so felicitously described them) actually think we’ll pepper the site with their ads – on the assumption that the readers here are too dumb to notice they are in fact ads and that we are venal enough to consider attempting to exploit them in this manner… without even offering to pay us to whore ourselves (and the readers) out!

          I finally snapped – and had to post the last submissions and subsequent exchange.

          • Marvelous! I just thought of another use for the garrote! Internet shills!

            The ammo shortage has me expanding my horizons. It’s a good thing.

        • Does the crap actually sell?? I mean, what’s their demographic–retarded monkeys? Is anyone still alive today so unsophisticated to PR shilling that they buy bullshit? It’s the internet equivalent of a QVS shopping channel come-on.

          Yes, yes, and yes to your three questions. If it didn’t sell somewhere to someone, the ads wouldn’t be so ubiquitous. But then again, just step outside your front door, take a look around you, and listen to the people you encounter. You’ll realize that it’s a wonder that “Lauren” and “Jorge” aren’t Gatesian multi-billionaires by now.

  11. Eric,

    You seem to get to the heart of the issue.

    Your site has traffic.

    This PR firm wants to promote their product/story, but they do not wish to pay for an ad.

    • Yup – and I’m getting hacked about it. These pricks are just relentless. Here’s the latest back and forth:


      As I have said before we make what you want us to. We write about what you want. You are the driver of the content. Links in text are not bad, they can be very beneficial for SEO when used properly. We are really just looking to help you and your audience out.

      Thank you for taking the time to talk with me about this genuine opportunity.

      I hope you have yourself a great day. 🙂

      Your writers are hacks who peddle products/services disguised as “content.”

      The articles on EPautos are authentic – written by a real car journalist who isn’t trying to subtly sell the readers anything. The value of these articles derives from that. They are honest and above-board. Your “content” is not. Moreover, why would any of our readers give any credence to the “content” produced by PR firm hack writers? Who – to quote Seinfeld – are these people? Nobodies. Shills. And you think we’re going to give them a forum? Really?

      The Internet is full of crap like that – and our readers come to EPautos because such crap isn’t here.

      From: Lauren Carpenter
      To: Eric Peters
      Sent: Tuesday, March 26, 2013 2:39 PM
      Subject: Re: Smell of exhaust new tires

      • “Dear Lauren:

        “I’ve tried being polite with you, but that obviously hasn’t worked. Since you’re clearly obtuse (I won’t bother defining that word for you, as you’re too obtuse to understand), allow me to ask:

        “What part of ‘FUCK OFF’ don’t you understand?

        “Please tell me and I’ll be sure to make the expression clear to you in some simpler form that you might understand and in which my intent can be made unmistakeably clear.



        • I back-and-forthed with him a little, but it got exasperating. Hence my public posting of the interchange. Interestingly, I’ve not received a new “request” for a “guest post” of “content” since then!

          • Wow, Eric. Having looked through some of the poorly worded and grammatically incorrect inputs you have been receiving raised a small question mark has been raised in my head. It appears to me that these individuals are all under the impression that you have a product to sell – something I must have missed in the years I have been contributing to EPA. So, whatever it is that you are apparently selling, may I have six ounces delivered to the usual address in an unmarked brown paper parcel.


            • Hi Ken!

              Interestingly, these “requests” suddenly ceased following the publication (out of exasperation) of “For Your Amusement.”

              Apparently, they do read – even if they can’t write very well!

          • More haste, less speed. Memo to self ‘Do not hit the post button whilst editing your input which should have read’;

            Looking through some of the poorly worded and grammatically incorrect inputs you have been receiving raised a small question mark in my mind. It appears ………….

        • A new one!

          From: Carrie Dotson
          Sent: Friday, April 5, 2013 4:52 AM
          Subject: Eric Peters Autos

          Hi Eric,

          We posted an article that we thought you and your readers might be interested in having a look at, “How to Save Money on Car Maintenance”

          My reply:

          You mean an ad for some product or service disguised as an “article.”

          Corporate fucking shill. Another whore in the capitalist gang bang.

          • An additional comment: Journalism, probably always compromised to some extent by corporate shilling, is now little more than corporate shilling. Everyone’s become a whore – hawking some goddamn product or service. And to be clear, it’s not the hawking per se I object to. If they did it openly, I’d be ok with it. Ads here – article there.

            No, not enough. The articles have to be commercialized, too. Every fucking thing has to ultimately be about selling you something. New! Improved! Click here! Call 1-800-Eat-Satan’s-Cock (thank you, Bill Hicks).

            Marx’s “callous cash payment” rings true as far as regards the central organizing principle of the corporate capitalist state. Hawk, shill – repeat. Don’t make things or do things.

            Just sell, sell, sell!

            Buy now!

            • Hi Ben,

              If you had to deal with the juggernaut of corporate shilling assaults I have to deal with, easing off would be the last thing you’d advise!


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