The Fakest and Gayest Mustang Ever

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Carroll Shelby is gone – thank God. He is thus spared the indignity of knowing his name has been affixed to a device that’s neither a Shelby nor a Mustang. It is a device that pretends to be both. More finely, a device that trades on both those names in what is arguably the most embarrassing-ever attempt to do just that.

Let’s begin by talking about the device in question. It is not a bad device – as devices go.  But it is as much a “Mustang” as an Elvis impersonator is Elvis. It’s worse, actually, because at least most Elvis impersonators try their best to look like Elvis and sing like he did, too.

The Ford Mach-E looks nothing like any Mustang ever made because no Mustang was ever made with four doors – and without an engine. The Mach-E is a five door crossover with electric motors. It does not sound like a Mustang, either – because it can’t. See that part about not having an engine.

Enter the fakest and gayest part.

Hertz thought it’d trade on Carroll Shelby’s name by affixing it to 100 Mach-E devices painted black with gold accents, like the “rent a racer” GT350H Mustangs Hertz famously offered as rentals back in the mid-late 1960s, when Shelby – who was a very famous race car driver – was working closely with Ford on projects such as kicking Ferrari’s ass at the 24 Hours of LeMans road race. You may have seen the recent – and excellent – movie about it, starring Matt Damon as Shelby.

The real – not fake or gay – 19665-1966 Shelby GT350s that were in the Hertz rental fleet had hotted-up 289 V8s that made 306 advertised (probably more)horsepower and sounded something like this:

The device that trades on Shelby’s name – and which isn’t a Mustang – let alone a Shelby Mustang – tries to sound like that. As in literally tries to sound like that. By playing a recording that sounds like that:

It breaks your heart, doesn’t it?

No doubt it would have broken Shelby’s – were he around to see (and hear) what Hertz has done. Because he was real and this is fake and very gay. It is also a kind of confession about the inadequacy of these devices. If batteries and motors are so hot – so superior – then why resort to playing the soundtrack of an engine that’s not there? It is akin to a stuffed lion “roaring” – and at least the stuffed lion was once actually a lion, before it got stuffed.

What is this thing? And why can’t it trade on its own merits – if it has them? The question answers itself.

It’s not just Hertz that’s making this confession, either. The mass-produced Mach-E (as opposed to this limited-run iteration) also plays the sounds of what it hasn’t got, piped into the passenger cabin via the audio system. Just not as over-the-top fake and gay as the sounds replayed inside the passenger of the “Shelby” GT-H device concocted by Hertz. But it amounts to the same embarrassing and depressing thing.

It makes one think of the fake plastic fruit used to dress up a dinner table at the furniture store – and even in that case, the plastic fruit is at least made to look like real fruit and no one is encouraged to taste it. Piping fake engine sounds into the passenger compartment  of a vehicle specifically marketed as superior because it lacks an engine is bizarre, cognitively dissonant. Playing them – loudly – outside the device to show off what you haven’t got is just weird and sad. Like a woman strutting around ostentatiously wearing a gigantic codpiece.

The “Shelby” device is not the only such device, either.

Dodge – the people in charge of desecrating the brand, that is – thought they could replace the engine in the Charger with the “Fratzonic” sounds of one. The prototype of this device was ostentatiously “revved” when it was introduced to the automotive press.

It hasn’t gone over well with people who like engines and the sounds they make. Probably for the same reason finding out your blind date’s a he rather than a she (assuming you are a he and not into him).

So it’s more than just a confessional – and embarrassing and sad. It is also arguably the greatest extant example of Marketing Fail ever. Know your market used to be the baseline tenet taught to people who wanted to sell things to people. In order to do that successfully, you don’t try taking away what the people you’re trying to sell to want – and try selling them something fake and gay instead. That being the very definition of fake and gay in that what you’re trying to see is inauthentic and it’s gay – Southpark usage – to push inauthentic stuff on people.

That’s why it’s instinctive and natural to laugh at the GT-H “Mustang” and the device they’re calling a “Charger.”

Because they’re fake and gay.

. . .

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94 COMMENTS

  1. Didnt hertz just loose at ton of money by being the first car company to invest in a huge fleet of Teslas, because EVs are the future?

    They thought the way to fix it was to order more devices – just with more nostalgic branding?

  2. You seem to have an unhealthy obsession with things that appear “gay” in your little mind. This kinds of article (the homophobic jabs) showcase your obvious closeted homosexual tendencies. Me? I happen to really like the car and I’d simply turn off the stupid fake engine noises.

    • “If you don’t like gay things, you must be secretly gay!”

      Brilliant! Do you have any other extremely original bits of wisdom to impart?

    • Scott Bessent is the Secretary of the Treasury.

      Scott is married to John Freeman, they have two children.

      It’s a freaking miracle!

      The only thing left to do is to drink.

    • You know how you’re talking to someone that gets paid to troll and say stupid shit?
      They use ridiculous propaganda terms like “homophobic”.
      Phobia is “fear”.
      If you think it has anything to do with anyone being “afraid” of the mentally ill, you’re fruitier than you are clever, by a country mile. I’m wondering if you’re Jewish?

  3. This is the most boomer article. Have you ever seen some of the cars Shelby knowingly put his name on including the Dodge Omni and 3rd Gen Mustang? And the Mustangs themselves were originally family cars and the new Mach E was built in the spirit of the original E (efficient, not electric) model in the 70s.

    Seeing the performance of the Mach E, Shelby would probably be giddy with excitement over it- and especially one that brought back the livery of the Herz racers.

    • Hi LAZ,

      I’m not a Boomer – as if that were relevant. But I did race a Shelby GLH (based on the Dodge Omni) once back in the late 1980s in my Z28 Camaro and the Z just barely edged out the GLH. For its time, that little Shelby was very quick – and embarrassed many V8 muscle cars.

      I doubt Shelby would have been “giddy” about an electric crossover that had to pipe fake V8 sounds to give it some ersatz emotional appeal.

  4. Are people rally that stupid? This idea is worse than The K-Car and The Yugo. Here is another bad idea from car makers — painting a performance vehicle or truck putty gray and then someone buying it.

  5. Yep. Let’s just all pretend that there’s still a 302 under the hood. Let’s also pretend our livelihoods weren’t destroyed 5 years ago, or that queers just want to be left alone, or buying reusable bags at the checkout will stop baby sea turtles from dying.

    Nah, fuck that! I’m tired of playing pretend!

    • Amen, Bluegray –

      I’m also not pretending that Trump is making America great again. Because I see no facts that suggest he is. The tranny thing? Fine, but at the end of the day, who cares whether a dude in a dress is a government official? What matters is that its still a government – and very official.

  6. This kind of nonsense is a crime against nature. This thing is a butt ugly bar of soap. Not even an excuse for a sports car.

    • Amen, Athletik –

      You’d think Hertz would have been cured of EeeeeeeeeeeVeeeee fever by its disastrous experience trying to rent devices to people….

      • I would be embarrassed to sit in one of those things, never mind being caught dead driving in one and hearing what it is clearly not.

  7. Whoever is in charge of this Mustang project is making the same mistake as the Harvard graduate did with Butt Light which is not knowing who your customers are. Pinto GT would have been a better choice.

  8. All of this fakery just to appease the climate hoax crowd.

    Yes, electric vehicles are going to be faster than ICE because of the near instant torque and linear acceleration, but that doesn’t mean they should get to fake the sounds of ICE.

    I own a 2024 BMW 760i xDrive that would beat the Shelby GT350 off the line and over the stretch, at 3.8 sec 0-60 and 200 mph top, but it is still ICE. And I HATE that the EU has required the natural engine sounds to be muffled to protect the sensitive ears of Europeans, and instead using this fake engine noise BS pumped into the cabin. Hate it! Had I known, I probably wouldn’t have bought it (although in sport mode it is heaven to drive.)

  9. Let’s just say a few things here.
    1. EV’s should not make engine noise. They do have a motor whine that is unique to the type of Motor used. Induction vs permanent magnet.
    2. The mustang is a heritage car that should remain true to its lineage and not be muddied by any EV.
    3. EV’s are however easily faster so at the light your Ice is gonna get beat by any EV with matching or comparable HP. The reason is instant torque at 0 RPM.

    4. EV’s now have ranges of over 300 miles on a charge, don’t need oil, coolant and almost never break.
    Most don’t need brake jobs for 10 years or more due to regeneration.

    So just understand that EV you race in your ICE may likely beat you and if your the type that gets mad cause you got beat don’t race or brag how fast you are.
    I have destroyed many. But I still love a good Mustang, Camaro or similar. It is possible to appreciate both and both types of technology.

    Just the facts.

    • Hi Facts,

      Some EVs have ranges over 300 miles – most of those under $40k come standard with less. More usually costs extra.

      True, they don’t need oil. But they do need electricity and take comparatively forever to fully (as opposed to partially recharge) and they will need a new battery – that costs has third to half as much as the EV itself.

      Yes, EVs are quick – and boring. What’s to do other than floor the accelerator? It gets old after a few times. Also, the homogenous quality as one EV feels the same as any other EV because batteries and motors are all pretty much the same. You cannot say the same about engines. A Ferrari twelve is a very different thing than a VW flatfour – and the VW four is a very different thing than a modern water-cooled/inline four, too.

    • “EV’s now have ranges of over 300 miles on a charge, don’t need oil, coolant and almost never break.
      Most don’t need brake jobs for 10 years or more due to regeneration.”

      What a list of bullshit.

      Don’t need coolant? Give me a break. Maybe try Google sometime to see why Tesla’s leak coolant.

      Almost never break? Dream on.

      Range over 300 miles – not in real world driving during winter unless . . . You spring for thousands upon thousands of extra dollars for the optional extended range batteries. Even then . . . Hit or miss depending on temps and conditions.

      Don’t need brake jobs – uhmmm, maybe if drive like grandma and only use regen for braking. But regen, has limitations in deceleration. Even when vehicle is in max re-gen mode.

  10. Mustang was based on a Falcon in order to make an affordable, sporty looking car that young guys could afford. They sold millions of them. Today, Ford only makes very expensive vehicles that most cannot afford. Someone needs to start a new car company that Henry Ford would approve of. The type of company that put America on wheels. And this company would not be electric.

    • Well, let us all know when you have about 50 million in startup capital, and that’s just what we’ll do. I already have the next evolution of the ICE in mind, and it’ll blow everything in the past completely out of the water. It’ll make horsepower that will make the muscle cars of the 60’s and 70’s insane with jealousy, and it’ll be efficient enough to stomp the EV market into dust.

      And I’ll guarantee it.

  11. Imitation is the best form of flattery. And there are some things that are simply facts of life and, regardless of how much you try, will never be changed.
    To wit:
    1. Mustangs are 2-door. Period.
    2. Any “car” that requires a recording to sound like a muscle car has neither muscle nor is a car. It is a go-kart.
    3. Carol Shelby would flick a booger at what is now being sold as a “Mustang.”
    4. There are only two genders: male and female. I couldn’t resist.
    5. letmepicyou drives a Prius.

  12. This is actually brilliant, from an engineering standpoint. They can be powered for free by harnessing the spinning of Carroll Shelby’s grave.

    But seriously, the people were who put up the Mach E video were smart to disable comments.

    • ‘The highlight of [Carroll Shelby’s] racing career came in June 1959 when he co-drove an Aston Martin DBR1 (with Englishman Roy Salvadori) to victory in the 1959 24 Hours of Le Mans.’ — Wikipedia

      No impostor EeeVee is going to finish 24 hours at Le Mans.

      Whether it makes ‘vroom, vroom’ engine noises or not.

      Ask any baby: what noise does a sheep make?

      Ba-a-a-a-a-a-ah-tery!

  13. I thought Hertz leaned their EV lesson and was trying to save themselves from financial ruin. Now they are doing this with Ford??

    I never had the luxury and making mistakes on this grand of scale and still think I could retain my job or get a severance worth anything. Who educated these people and who continues to invest in companies like this…fools.

    • Last year I went to the Hertz car rental kiosk at the Miami airport. They were out of a lot of their cars except for EV’s. One of the rental company employees said EV’s were the wave of the future especially in south Florida because of all the hurricanes, LOL!

      • Florida’s insane “anti gouging” laws make gasoline scarce following hurricanes, not any actual physical limitations to the delivery infrastructure.

        Of course, the laws are politically popular, which is why the Legislature has not moved to repeal or modify the statutes.

    • Astute article and observations Dan.

      Using accurate and truthful words and language to describe politicians is important. Calling things by their proper names convinces others as to the epic despicableness of the Marxist party, as opposed to the fecklessness of the socialist light party. Both sides lean to the dark side, one loves living there, the other just visits, often.

      Make no mistake, the Marxists will get their shooting war, even if it be me alone, or a few thousand others still like me. I’m not ever surrendering to any of their Bolshevik fever dreams, ever. However, once the first bullets begin to fly, once the first few judges fall, once NGO lawyers and bagmen start adorning overpasses in flyover country, the old white women egging on their pets will cry out in pain. Sumpin-sampan about ‘we’re all in it together as Merikins, and cant we all just get along.’

      The odds of this coming unpleasantness being avoided at this point are the same as me getting a full house, four of a kind, and a royal flush in three consecutive hands. On a long enough timeline It could happen, but I wouldn’t bet on it.

  14. The Mustang Mock-E is perfect for ‘Murica, a country that bills itself as the land of the “free” where you don’t own anything outright, and the home of the “brave” where the military hasn’t taken on a peer opponent in 80 years and has yet to win a single mis-adventure.

    This “Mustang” is more reminiscent of Caligula’s Horse than anything else and “Our Senate” is populated by only one end of the animal.

  15. On occasion I see a few of these “phony ponies” around where I live, just the regular kind. Which isn’t surprising, since I live not far from DC in Maryland, where there is a very large population of fools who are easily parted from their money. As for the revving sounds, that sounds like a feature that would be found on a child’s toy car, not a supposed real car made for adults. That’s worse than those little dinky compact cars that have exhaust add-ons so they can try to sound like they have a huge, powerful engine. I refer to those as “mice that roar”.

  16. My neighbors have had a weekend house guest who drives a fake Charger. I’ve listened to him come and go and have felt embarrassment over the spectacle. The revving sounds make you think he’s going to peel out but no he actually just putts down the street making that ridiculous noise. Why must everything be fake these days?

  17. How long is this ‘fake and gay’ stuff going to be pushed on us?

    Haven’t we not had more than enough of it already?

    At some point we all get to go back to normal right?

    Geesh..

  18. I actually saw one of these ridiculous PoS in Chattanooga the other day and remarked to Toni, “I don’t know what that thing is but it’s not a Mustang”. It had dealer tags on it so probably not salable. How much can Ford lose before it goes castors up?

    Also, a guy that works for VW in Chattanooga came in yesterday with a Boycott Israel t-shirt on and proceeded to rant and rave for twenty minutes about how frelling stupid electric vehicles are……seems like a common sentiment among VW employees here. Interesting times….

  19. I have a feeling that Carol Shelby would be all-in on EVs, just because of the performance specs. Of course range wouldn’t factor into it, just the raw 0-60 times, the quarter mile top speed and other non-distance metrics.

    Like drag cars that require their engines to be rebuilt after every run, the only thing that matters is what it does on the pavement.

    • Yeah, lol, I don’t think so. Carol Shelby is the guy that shoved the biggest motor into the smallest chassis. He epitomized the ICE and also was big in WEIGHT REDUCTION. There is nothing about that MO that suggests he would be into EV’s.

      It was never just about “numbers”, but rather so much more.

      • It is Carroll Shelby, Carol is the feminine.

        Stop being such a woman like Donald Trump, another wuss on the planet.

        Although, Trump is one magnificent, wonderful, incredible, wuss nonpareil, should be rather apparent by now.

        Now a caricature of himself, in real life.

        What is he? A Jew cur?

        Can’t trust Trump at all, not listening to that creature anymore. What good is he? Not much, take a good hard look.

        Make America Great Again!

        Impeach the clown.

        • Um…
          Ok.
          So…you disagree with my assertion that Carol Shelby wouldn’t embrace EV’s?
          Or you agree with it? Because you’re kind of off on a wild tangent here, even for me…

        • (((They))) already impeached Orange Man….
          Twice in the 1st term actually, but neither stuck, maybe he really is the “Teflon Don”, as I’ve heard!!
          But he’s early in the second term so far, so there’s still a good over three and a half years to up his record to 3 or more!!! Incidentally, Trump has already been impeached more than any other president in US history, which should tell you a little something…both side of the (((aisles))) hate him, so as long as that’s the case, I’m thrilled about the chaos he’s causing in DC and around the World!!!
          But I’m running out of popcorn & salt, so I’m buying stock in those, cuz I guarantee a lot of both will be getting consumed over this 2nd term for him, and a 3rd one perhaps???
          LOL, it seems TDS is a very real and active thing in most people’s heads, living rent free and running completely amok!!!

          YMMV …

    • A Tesla Plaid would lose to my old 98 Ranger with the 125 HP 2.5L four at the 24 hours at Le Mans. I don’t think Shel would approve.

  20. It seems like the mustang name is just being used as a name for a line of cars, possibly for marketing reasons. We’ll see how far this gimmick of marketing takes Ford in the mustang family of cars.

      • Ford used to make 2 billion per year just on Town Cars.

        The Town Car had to be the most profitable car ever made. Being Panthers, they were cheap to make, and being Lincolns, they could charge top dollar.

  21. Based on the precedent of the earliest, circa 1900, motoring laws which required horseless carriages (a term that parallels ‘engineless Mustangs’) to be preceded by a flagman, I advocate that the FMVSS mandate every EeeVee to make loud revving noises while accelerating or cruising, and loud tire-screeching noises while braking.

    Obviously, this is for saaaaaafety. Ever had a Tesla silently sneak up behind you in a parking lot? This will happen no more after Jim’s Law is passed decreed.

    Two words in closing, comrades: VROOM! VROOM!

  22. LOL. Amurica is the “fake and gay” city on the hill. They invented fake and gay in San Francisco in the late 1970’s and then they faked the gay STD known as AIDS.

    Now Amurica’s fake and gay “army” has spread their butt cheeks around the west like AIDS, and Nato is carrying the globohomo banner in “Ukraine”.

    And just like the South Park Bikers, Americans still think they are cool as they arrogantly parade around the planet paying for real goods and services with their fake and gay Illuminati money.

    • Woohh Luca braci…..

      You’re hitting waaay too close to home here…
      I’m living in my parents basement presently…
      And this ENTIRE STATE ….CT…

      Epitomizes “fake and gay”😳…..

      I hope to be paroled in the near future
      And seek gainful employment…..ummmm
      F that…..

      Just Take off to parts unknown 🎯👍

  23. Ironically, the “Ford v. Ferrari” director, James Mangold, went on to make the final fake and gay “Indiana Jones” movie.

    • “Tommy Boy” had a 30th anniversary last month. I believe it is the most relevant film regarding the current state of the US auto industry. Yes, the “Stick your head up a bull’s a**” line gets the press, but the real gold is any of Dan Aykroyd’s lines as the CEO of the auto parts store chain.

      “What the American public doesn’t know is what makes them the American public.”

      That Chris Farley’s cousin Jim actually runs Ford right now is icing on the cake.

  24. When I’m not in crippling agony from rheumatoid arthritis, I’m GLAD I don’t drive anymore. Just wish I could, sort of.
    What’s wrong with these so called people? Do they really think folks who like the sound of an engine are going to like the sound of a fake engine played over their sound system? Only if they also eat bugs and call it beef.

      • “the best of the Goyim must die…” From the (((usual suspects))).
        I also suffer from RA and degenerative disc disease… And recently was given an embryonic stem cell infusion for other semi related conditions. The results were literally miraculous, my back feels 15 to 20 years younger,as the stem cells have repaired & regrown a lot of connective tissue that every doctor said was virtually impossible to do. It would have cost me about $6,000 out of pocket if I’d had to pay it. I’m now investigating how to do this again, even if I pay for myself. The results are just that incredible, and have to be experienced to be believed.

    • I suggest looking for relief for your arthritis on Yandex (the only search engine worth a damn). DMSO is a good starting point.

    • Hi John,

      I don’t know if you are willing to drink a tea a day, but there are some great herbs and spices that will reduce the pain of RA…turmeric, ginger, ashwagandha, and cinnamon. I would recommend mixing them up throughout the week to get the full range of benefits. Also, acupuncture and Swedish massage have shown significant improvement with pain reduction. There is also a plant grown in Southeast Asia called Thunder God Vine that has shown extraordinary effects of helping reduce RA pain. Just a note of caution on TGV buy from a reputable source like an organic wellness store or a homeopathic doctor that is familiar with it. It can be poisonous if not picked and plucked properly.

    • The Dodge Charger actually has a speaker in the back so the whole world can hear your fake engine. This wasn’t made clear in the article.

    • Ketogenic diet is what you need to research. Carbs are completely unnecessary in your diet and are the base for nearly every metabolic disorder. Carnivore is even better if you can do it. Sounds fringe, but considering how much complete BS we have been taught over the last few decades, hardly surprising that we have been lied to about diet also.

  25. I’d just like to point out a forgotten moment in Carol Shelby history:

    The Dodge Omni GLH. Officially crated by Carol Shelby, it was a Dodge Omni with a ridiculous amount of HP under the hood. GLH actually stood for “Goes Like Hell”, in typical Carol Shelby fashion.

    I’ll never forget the day I lost a light-to-light drag race to a Dodge Omni GLH while I was driving my 1991 Mustang GT.

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