The Apotheosis of Cloverism!

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What makes a Clover a Clover? It isn’t slow driving . . . per se. It is the use of your slow-moving car to make sure others drive slow, too. Observe, behold:

The Clover – meandering along at 10 MPH below the speed limit – refusing to either pick up the pace or pull off to let the cars the Clover is impeding get by. This Clover – embodying every stereotype about Prius drivers – is probably “hypermiling,” driving glacially so as to save as much fuel as possible.

Indifferent to the cost of everyone else’s time the Clover is wasting.

And that is the 190 proof essence of Cloverism. Others must defer; least-common denominatorism is the order of the day. Clover’s “savings” – on your nickel. Clovers preen and pose; they signal virtues – but practice few themselves. Certainly not consideration – and never live and let live.

So I passed the Clover – across the double yellow! Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafety!

Of course – as you can see – it was perfectly safe to pass. Just not legal. Because of Clovers.

This didn’t prevent the Clover from flashing its lights as I passed, to express its outrage that I was unwilling to let the Clover hold me up.

It probably spent the rest of the day grumbling that “there ought to be a law”!

. . .

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  1. The Clover is exercising what little power he has over you at that moment. God help us if he has a job where he can abuse power. When you pass these guys that get your license plate number they must have a camera. How else are they getting your plate number? It wouldn’t be too hard to add a little electric motors to flip up your plates to make it unreadable with the flip of a switch.

      • Great idea Nunz! I’ve always wanted the James Bond car with the rotating license plates. The machine guns, oil slick spreader, flamethrower, and ejection seat would be nice too 😆

  2. I just usually give them a preemptive, special, one finger salute as I pass. If they want to swerve that’s fine. I drive a 2002 F350 weighing in at about 7500 lbs. Running over a Prius would be like hitting a pothole. Do hate it when I have to clean Prius and Clover out of the tire treads though.

  3. Still looking for a 2nd/3rd generation Prius with bad battery (I’d replace it myself to save up 1/2 the price of a refurbed battery pack, installed).

    I do like the dark blue.

    Though I pull over (church parking lot, side road, etc.) when those behind me want to pass.

  4. This is HILARIOUS!

    The idea, that people, such as this clover, actually take themselves and their buttfuckery so seriously, that they actually think the their expressing of disapproval by flashing their headlights would accomplish anything other than making themselves look pathetic and pitiful and self-important. But I guess that that self-importance is all they have- since they have no other redeeming human characteristics, their pretension of “saving the planet” and advocating some false asinine “safety” gives them something to at least give the appearance that their asshattery has a basis other than that of them just being assholes.

    If only they could pull their own heads out of their rectums long enough to realize how utterly pathetic they look. They’re the modern day equivalent of clowns in clown cars- only not as benevolent- as least the clown seeks to make us laugh, and does us no harm- unlike these fools.

        • The kind of do in some states. They tax property owners based on surface area that’s impervious to rainwater, ostensibly because it ends up in the sewer and has to be treated.

  5. “Indifferent to the cost of everyone else’s time the clover is wasting” is what gripes me the most about these virtue signaling douchebags. Each of us has a given amount of time on this planet; being 72 I’m way nearer the end of mine than the beginning so why waste any of it behind one of these pinheads? Much rather be doing what I am right now- reading with a cat on my lap, a beer in my hand, and Debussy on the stereo. 😊

    • Hi, Mike! I’m glad I’m not the only one behind enemy lines. I live in the People’s Republik of Kambridge. Clovers abound here.

  6. You have to be careful. Clover will sometimes jot down your license plate number and blow you in to the cops. Happened to my father-in-law when he got fed up with Clover and passed him in a no-passing zone. Father-in-law ended up with payin’ paper.

    • In that case you plead not guilty and go to court. The clover has to show up and be a witness and complainant. I realize there are scammy ways of getting around this, but if pressed hard enough they will fail when the cop does not even see the violation.

      I had a clover stop a cop to pull me over. This clover pulled out in front of me doing 20mph in a 40mph zone. I had just a small segment of two lanes going our direction to pass and I used it not exceeding the speed limit. No ticket. The cop saw nothing except me obeying the law.

      • I don’t remember the details, but my father-in-law decided it was more trouble than it was worth to fight it. Being an ex-businessman, I suspect he consulted his attorney before coming to that conclusion.

  7. The “clovers” around me love to go slow then run a red signal or squeeze through on the last nano-second of yellow and leave those behind them stuck at the signal. Slow is safe! They also hustle to get in front of others to go slow.

    • It’s all part of the pattern. Zero thought- zero input, zero tolerance, zero change. Sit in the seat, strap in like a good serf, and roll along oblivious to everything. Youre good because you obey, so get ahead of everybody and show them how to drive and live right…

      The world owes you safety and deference. Dad used to say they couldn’t think further ahead than their hood ornament. I observed that the hood ornament was mostly a thing of the past and they don’t even think that far ahead anymore. And now they’re hooked to their IV drip of electronic soma and actively don’t think, but emote.

  8. Eric
    If you looked the moron probably flipped you off while you were passing. I always smile and wave which really sets them off. On a Motorcycle though you have to be careful,,, I’ve had them veer at me trying to run me off the road. There are some seriously propagandized psycho’s out there that could care less if they kill you… It’s for the planet, you know!

    • Hi Ken,

      Yup – I’ve had Clovers swerve at me as well. This is why I have learned to give no indication of my intentions and just execute the maneuver as quickly and efficiently as possible. Clovers are by nature slow-reacting creatures and so long as you don’t let them know what you’re up to in advance, they’ll only realize what you’re doing when it’s too late for them to do anything about it!

      • Yet another argument for Constitutional Carry. Staring down a ‘pissed-off’ Grandpa with a .40 Ruger pointed at them, quietly saying, “your move, shithead” might just curb all that passive-aggressive bullshit.

  9. “he DID flash his lights!” lol. We all gotta share the road, but gosh, it was DAYtime and NO deer threat whatsoever (open fields on both sides). You’re supposed to flash to pass, instead THEY flashed because you passed. LOL Unless you were tailgating for along time before passing, IDK why they’d be upset, just strange.

    I drive slow because I’m afraid of deer (OR), but I let ppl pass, and I don’t mind if ppl drive 100mph — as long as they don’t kill me or anyone else in the process, then it’s all good.

  10. The under the speed limit clover is the worst since most roads are so under-posted speed limit wise to begin with. So you have a clover going ten under on a road that is likely under-posted by twenty. I had it just the other day, on a road posted at 35 (that should be 65!!!) going 25!!! WTF!

    Guessing the road you were on should be at least 70, not the 55 its posted at.

    Low speed limits is one of my top gripes. And ones that change randomly like they do on a local highway by me.

  11. There are only two driver types worse than this
    1. The speed up slow down clover. Some of these folks seem to be able to easily go the speed limit on the stretches of road that would allow passing them at their slow speed, then they go right back to their slow speed when it is unsafe to pass.
    2. The pace-car clover. Get on any major interstate and you will find one of these pacing a slow truck or a fellow pace-car clover. They love regulating the interstate to the speed limit or less as if they are pacing the Daytona 500 at a caution.

  12. Happens to me almost every day living in the most densely populated state in the Union. I can’t take it anymore as these problems continue to get worse. I am now making it uncomfortable for them by leaving the horn on. And my horn is pretty nice. I usually works.
    Of course, there is always some risk. Passing on the right is risky and dangerous, because I don’t trust these idiots to know where I am, and passing on double yellow is risky for a ticket.
    The worse is, I guess I really piss off some mental patients when they are doing the speed limit or under in the left lane on a 3 lan’er with no one around. I stay on their bumper with the horn on till they move over. 90% do eventually. Unfortunately, I got brake checked a week ago at 65mph and I was 20 ft from his bumper, just missed him and it would have been my fault.
    And yes, like you Eric, some of them go crazy. Brightens my day. Waiting for a cop to pull me over 5 minutes down the road saying the other car has video of me. My guess is most cops or dispatchers send the complaint to the delete button.

    • Hi Chris,

      Yup; same! At least down here in The Woods, the roads are not densely packed with cars so when one encounters a Clover, as here, it is usually easy to make short work of them. And it makes my day to see them flashing their lights and melting down like Der Chef in the bunker as I rapidly put distance between them and myself!

    • You NEVER know what you are getting into.

      Ten years ago we were heading home from my daughter’s wedding on the other side of the country. It was a Sunday morning and an older car was putting along in the left/passing lane at about 40 mph. There was hardly any traffic at that point so I slowed down a bit and proceeded to pass carefully in the right lane. A couple miles down the road approaching an exit there is a bit more traffic, and I look in my mirror and see this same old car Right Behind me swerving left and right and going insane. It was a young white male driver and I could see his face clearly: he looked like some sort of demon cartoon character! I thought he was going to ram us, then he got back over in the left lane and started in on that with another vehicle. He finally turned off at another exit and disappeared. I have no idea what set him off, probably some sort of drug thing.

      I have no desire to ever go East of the Big Muddy again 🙁

      • Well, except for driving I-35 in Austin. There are more loons per square foot of road there than anywhere in Texas. At least in Houston, things move usually…

        • Well, at least you can legally have some “protection” in your car, in case the loon hits and disables your car and then gets out and comes after you.

          I’ve decided that I want to get a long range roadworthy pickup instead of a stupid little car for highway trips. A few gallons of gas aren’t worth your life. Ranchhand front guard and heavy steel rear bumper. Let some meth head in a beater try to buttf**k that.

    • I really see no reason why there should be a double-yellow down that long straight stretch of road. There’s a nice clear view of any oncoming traffic for a considerable distance. Looks like a revenue enhancement tactic. I’m seeing a lot of back roads that formerly had passing zones now hamstrung with the double-yellow even if there’s a mile of clearly visible straight pavement ahead.


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