Fake Sounds for a Fake Time

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We live, increasingly, in a Fake Culture. Fake News. Fake Food (did you know that many processed “foods” legally contain up to 10 percent sawdust?). Fake elections.

And now – the perfect accompaniment – Fake Sound. 

Dodge, which lifted (to borrow a word used from racing used by Dodge CEO Tim Kuniskis) when faced with government regulations that its V8-powered Charger and Challenger models could no longer “comply” with. Of course, these regulations were meant to be impossible to comply with; it’s the whole object of the exercise, you see. The government – more accurately, the beetle-like men (and women) that Orwell described in his novel (and now our reality) 1984 who are “the government” – has been using this ploy of “emissions” – regularly conflated with fuel efficiency – as the tool by which it has engineered what has always been the sub-rosa intention of these beetle-like men (and women, who are always ugly – a thing worth mentioning because it is correlative). 

People assumed good intentions when these regulations were “first generation” – back in the late ‘60s and through into the ‘70s – because there was an emissions problem, which led to a pollution problem. You could literally look up and see it. You could smell it. The air was not clean – and it was undeniable that cars were heavily to blame for this. Thus, it seemed – because it was – reasonable – to “clean up” the exhaust stream of cars, as by the use of exhaust scrubbers – catalytic converters – and by more careful and precise metering of the air-fuel mix, as via electronically controlled fuel injection.

By the late ‘90s, air pollution had ceased to be a problem. You could look up and see that it no longer was.

You could no longer smell it.

Because by then, almost all the cars in regular use were equipped with catalytic converters and EFI. Their “emissions” were mostly – as in more than 95 percent – air and carbon dioxide (then not regarded as an “emission,” because it has nothing to do with the formation of pollution). The rest of what was coming out of the tailpipe was a fraction of what had been coming out of the tailpipe – but the public were not advised of this fact. 

08-17-22-EPonKMED     

Because general awareness of that fact might have called into question the justifiability of further “emissions reductions” schemes. Instead they were told – regularly – that the latest slew of regulations would reduce – or “cut,” a favorite term – exhaust  “emissions” by another 20 percent, say. What was not said was that it would be a reduction of less than 1 percent of the actually “emitted” remaining “emissions.” In other words, a fraction of a percent. In other words. an inconsequentiality. An irrelevance.

Except in the compliance sense. 

By continuing to limbo-lower the allowable quantity of “emissions” – and (in tandem) by continually insisting that cars achieve ever-higher fuel economy – a pincer was created that eventually encircled the combustion engine, in order to force the combustion engine out of production in favor of the electric motor, the latter far more controllable by the beetle-like men (and always-ugly women) who scurry around the buildings that house these chitinous government apparatchiks. 

It is why Dodge has had to kill off – “retire” is entirely the wrong word – its Charger and Challenger models. More accurately, eviscerate them – by cancelling the V8s that defined them. Notwithstanding that these cars are are hugely popular precisely because they are the antithesis of the electric cars the chitinous men and women seek to replace them with. 

But rather than give them the soldier’s death they deserve, Dodge is going along with the beetle-like creatures and “electrifying” them. It is also going to ersatz them. As in fake them. 

The 2024 concept car revealed the other day that is apparently a sneak-peak of the 2024 production car that will replace the current Charger (no word on Challenger) previewed what Dodge styles a Fratzonic Chambered Exhaust – an interesting appellation given an electric car has no exhaust (its exhaust is remotely located, at the utility plant that generates the electricity that powers it). It consists of an amplifier to generate the sounds of what was once real. It even “revs” while just sitting there – in the manner of “revving” the “engine” of the “car” you’re not driving when you play a video game.

It will be even louder than the sound of the current (and shortly to be dearly-departed) supercharged V8 Hellcat, according to the par-for-the-course Fake News “coverage” – which is almost always PR hack hagiographical – of this desperately sad ersatzery. 

Oh, it will be super-duty quick and speedy, certainly. It will even simulate “shifting” through “gears,” no doubt with similarly simulated neck-sapping “upshifts.” Emphasis on simulated – because that’s all it is. Electric motors just spin. There are no gears to shift because electric cars don’t need transmissions. The electric motor (or motors, there are often two) drive the wheels, directly. 

So it’s all fakery. 

Since this ersatz “Charger” will – reportedly – also be all-wheel-drive only – it will probably also need to simulate the burnouts it will not be able to perform anymore.

Perhaps a smoke machine, too? 

. . .

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81 COMMENTS

  1. A rather late comment on this from a current Charger owner, because while I like EPautos, I only occasionally check back here. It is indeed unfortunate about the fake noise, but I wanted to address this point:

    “Oh, it will be super-duty quick and speedy, certainly. It will even simulate “shifting” through “gears,” no doubt with similarly simulated neck-sapping “upshifts.” Emphasis on simulated – because that’s all it is. Electric motors just spin. There are no gears to shift because electric cars don’t need transmissions. The electric motor (or motors, there are often two) drive the wheels, directly. ”

    This is simply not true. First from all accounts, the e-Rupt does seem to be a real multi speed transmission, possibly two speed at least.

    Remember, the Porsche Taycan and its Audi equivalent uses a real 2-speed gearbox in the rear. The Rimac Concept Two (progenitor to the Nevera) also used a pair of 2 speed transmission. Formula E teams have a choice of multi speed transmission and most settle on 3. The Ford Cobra Jet EV prototype uses a 3 speed transmission. The prototype Jeep Wrangler Magneto 2.0 uses a real 6 speed manual and seen in this test drive, with clutch and all:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxctVUn-ExY

    Here’s a video of EV retrofit old Ferrari with real manual gear box (like that Magneto Concept) revving through: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJ0CU0-PzQc

    “Crate motor” for the FJ40 connected again to real mechanical multi-speed transmission:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Itv7G-vhVWQ

    Most modified and retrofit cars also use such setups

    Also EV motors are never actually direct 1:1 drive, rather they use a single speed transmission — that is, they ALL use a reduction gear like 9.x to 1 if it revvs high enough. But that begs the question about why such a gear and not some other ratio?

    That implies that there’s a compromise involved in acceleration vs speed range. In fact, few realize that electric motors do not have a flat torque curve but rather one that starts high, then undergoes a drastic parabolic drop due to a phenomenon called back-EMF. That’s why peak power is always somewhere in the low-mid rpm (yes I mean peak horsepower, not torque) and not in the top “redline” rpm limit, where it is often lower, and acceleration in the uppper speed range is also correspondingly lower. But as most focus on 0-60 instead of say, 80-160, almost no one recognizes this.

    The Magneto 2.0 uses a low rpm axial flux motor (5400 rpm) so it NEEDs a transmission. Most early racers using big DC motors had to use at least a 2 speed powerglide, though everyone now uses AC so one could do without if your speed range was small enough and/or there was a sufficient compromise between bottom end reponse vs top end speed in choosing a single gear.

    I have a very long winded post about this here, with more long winded details and graphs and examples of why one is still beneficial:
    https://www.allpar.com/threads/meet-the-daytona-srt-banshee-concept-a-preview-of-dodges-electric-muscle-future.241835/page-10#post-1085317609

    • Hi Javid,

      The fundamental point is an EeeeeeVeee is not a muscle car – and never can be. It can be a very quick performance car – of which there are already many. Who needs more? The current Charger and Challenger are unlike another cars available; that is what makes them uniquely desirable. When they are gone, what is left? Yet another EeeeeeeeeVeeeee.

      Whoopety do…

      And bear in mind – again – that all of this EeeeeeeVeeee bullshit isn’t being driven by market demand. It is being imposed by government fiat.

      It is analogous to the “vaccines.” Do you know anyone who regrets their decision to not take it? How many people who love/own Chargers/Challengers as they are want an EeeeeeeeVeeeee to replace them?

      I have yet to meet or hear from a single one.

      • Thanks for responding Eric

        Oh I fully agree that the market would be very different if it weren’t for various government mandates and interventions. But you have to at least give credit to FCA/Stellantis for holding out and supplying the last remaining muscle cars as they did as well as the previous CEO and the current CEO being the only ones who stated up front that the rush to BEV is being driven purely by politics. Nonetheless personally I am interested, but it wouldn’t be a replacement, rather an addition.

        Politics aside, I was just nitpicking a technical argument regarding transmissions. I wanted to dispel the myth that multiple gears are useless for electric motors. I was just pointing out that they definitely have their applications.

        • Hi Javid,

          I do give Stellantis credit for holding out… until now. I condemn and pity them for caving in, now. If just one major automaker would refuse to go along with this “zero emissions” insanity then there would be a chance of stopping this insanity. Instead, they pretend it’s legitimate by going along with it.

          And you know what? Eventually, it will be “discovered” that “zero emissions” EeeeeeeeeeeeVeeees aren’t any such thing. And then guess what…

          Just wait.

  2. Drove a 2022 BMW Z4 M40i up and back from Flagstaff today on the nation’s nuttiest interstate the I-17.. The engine sounds are intoxicating (fake or not) and the power beyond ridiculous. Great for a power highway ride but seems overkill for around town driving. Usual sitting in a bathtub feeling / overly wide / limited visibility and heavy feel despite the power — typical of a modern car. However also built like a tank and would undoubtedly fair well in an accident. Funny thing is this car and the new Supra are very closely related so it may get thre manual option next yesr the Supra has now. Also I’m sure I massacred the “claimed” EPA numbers.

    • Hi Mark,

      The BMW six isn’t augmented – I think – because it doesn’t need to be! It’s the four (base engine in the Z4) that is… because it needs to be.

  3. It’s so weird how it’s moving completely silent except for the random recorded “revving” (the recording is terrible too). The crowd is pretty quiet too, so little excitement from those there. Sigh….. Electric will never be “muscle”. It just isn’t.

    The sheet metal is nice though, would be a huge hit with a real Hemi under the hood. Hope for Dodges sake, that the chassis will accommodate adding Hemi’s back on the platform when electric doesn’t sell and this nonsense passes. But that is wishful thinking, as most car makers no longer have any worthwhile foresight.

    Maybe Rich Rebuilds will put a Hemi under the hood of one of these in a few years…….

  4. Good Lord it sounds like my vacuum cleaner. And my vacuum cleaner only cost $50 at WalMart.

    Given that this is only a “concept” car, it does have some interesting styling cues (looks like they jammed a 1966-67 Charger, 1968-70 Charger, and a Tesla in a blender), and it’s a two door, but as we all know Concept Car Not = Production Car. Which means Dodge-Stellantis will water down any originality in the concept to a vaguely Charger themed Tesla. 😒

    Were it ICE powered with a say twin turbo V6, it might be a worthy inheritor of the Charger nameplate and heritage IF it kept the concept car’s styling. Alas it will not, and is just another slot car.

    • I wonder about the development of this thing. How it developed into an only electric we see here.

      I am guessing it started with ICE (maybe with that incoming hybrid V6 that are going in the RAM pickups replacing Hemi) and at some point they realized that ANY ICE even a hybrid V6 wasn’t going to happen. Guessing since many states like California will prohibit new ICE cars in 2030 make cars like the Charger unbuildable without sales to places like California. (RAM pickups on the other hand can still sell enough to the flyover states to stay ICE for now).

      Guessing the last of the Hemi’s will hold their value much better as people will want to hold on to them.

      • Hi Rich,

        I know I am going to deeply regret not buying a Last Call Challenger. Even more than I regret not having bought the ’95 Cobra R I could have bought, way back then – because the Cobra R was not the last of its kind, fundamentally. The ’23 Challenger is. It just breaks my heart.

        • Hi Eric,

          The only thing the “creators” of today know how to do is recycle. I foresee them bringing back the Challenger and Charger. Give it a few years. Once Dodge realizes that people don’t want their motors electric, but with big V8s they will make a comeback. GM, on the other hand, is dead in the water. I don’t believe they make dumber people than the management at General Motors. I have pretty much given up on Ford, as well.

          These lefty companies bottom lines will be hit. How long does it takes them to stop the bleeding is the question.

          • RG. I think they might too. However, we don’t know to what extent Gov will force the EV issue with higher and higher ‘ICE polluter’ taxes, registrations fees, etc… And that’s what they will call it.
            My spidy sense says GM knows what will be forced and are a part of the scheme.
            And then…………rural folks will not buy-in and do their own version of EV-nullification.

  5. Higher CO2 means more food, new study confirms

    lowering CO2 = less food = starvation = depopulation = wef agenda 2030 goal.

    Among them is agricultural output and global greening. the elevated atmospheric CO2 concentrations we have today (420 ppm) are acting as plant fertilization that is profoundly boosting crop yields. That’s nothing less than a blessing.

    0.8% more crop per 1 ppm CO2 increase

    https://notrickszone.com/2022/03/18/co2-a-blessing-just-1-ppm-increase-means-up-to-0-8-greater-crop-yields-new-study-shows/

  6. Here’s the latest Orwellian corruption of language by the Lügenpresse, in the wake of the Dodge Daytona Charger EV unveiling:

    Kia’s New Muscle Car Is Faster Than a Corvette—and It’s ElectricBarron’s

    An EV is not a ‘muscle car,’ any more than a dog is a duck, or a BNT162b2 shot is a vaccine.

    This is straight-up ‘war is peace’ brainwashing, to be confronted and condemned now that it’s in heavy play rotation on the MSM’s Mighty Wurlitzer.

    • Hi Jim,

      Yup. A muscle car is a specific type of car. It is not just a fast car; that would be a performance car. A muscle car has always meant a rear-drive American car (usually a mid-sized coupe) powered by a big V8. Period. If it does not have a big V8, it cannot be a muscle car anymore than a drug that doesn’t confer immunity is a “vaccine.”

      • Eric,

        The author Jim Motavalli’s Twitter profile reads, ‘Author, speaker, journalist — the environment and green cars’

        Green cars: surprise, surprise!

        My feedback:

        Jim,

        I realize that you may not be responsible for the headlines on your Barron’s articles. But the Kia’s New Muscle [sic] Car Is Faster Than a Corvette caption over your Aug 19 review of the ‘muscular’ EV6 is a howler to car buffs.

        A muscle car is powered by a large internal combustion V8; the Kia is not. ‘Drift mode’ sending more power to the EV6’s rear induction motor is not the same as mechanical rear-only drive.

        Hope this was only a case of a headline writer mangling adjectives, rather than a Newspeak repurposing of ‘muscle car’ to flog an entirely different class of vehicles.

        • Reply from Jim Motavalli:

          You’re right, Jim, I don’t write headlines. I spelled out the precise conditions under such that Kia is faster than a base Corvette.

          Sent from my iPhone

  7. Well, I have to admit most vegans in the media are nut jobs.
    I am vegan. I stopped frequenting vegan websites and magazines because of the lefty fuckery.
    I do me, the rest of you, do you. Zero problemo.

    I will only say there are many reasons that a “proper” vegan diet is very healthy and a “junk” vegan diet is as bad as any, sometimes worse.
    I eat mainly vegetables and beans and wholegrains. I love to veganise things like biscuits and gravy. I could live on pinto beans, soupy tatters and cornbread.
    Nobody else in Scotland eats like I do I reckon LOL.

    I’m still a fat bastard because Tennents Lager is nectar!

    • Your comment caused me to think of one of my most, I guess you could say, ‘favorite’ articles online:

      Enjoy Saturated Fats, They’re Good for You!
      By Donald W. Miller, Jr., MD

      https://www.lewrockwell.com/1970/01/donald-w-miller-jr-md/saturated-fats-are-good-for-you/

      Perhaps, you’ll change your mind, some?

      Never heard of Tennents Lager,… Shiner Bock is the best I’ve been able to find around here. Kinda wish I knew enough people to share with to have a keg of it around,… keg beer is always so much better.

      • Great article, helot. The article goes to show that our government’s intention was never about good health, but keeping the pharmaceutical companies happy and Americans sick. Sixty five percent of my daily calories are from fat, twenty percent from protein, and fifteen percent from carbs. I only buy whole fat cheese, yogurt, and milk. If we just stuck to natural foods there would be no need for statins, insulin, or high blood pressure meds.

        Allopathic doctors know a healthy keto or Mediterranean lifestyle is the best diet for the majority of people, but that would cost them significant kickbacks so they refuse to suggest it.

  8. This past spring, after dealing with some medical drama (not the bat flu), I needed some R&R and to reboot my psychological well being. This was achieved by taking a family road trip to Vegas in my ‘63 Mercury Comet. A little over 6 hours driving with the windows down, listening to nothing more than a healthy small block Ford breathing through a set of Purple Hornies and oldies playing on a 59 year old AM radio – just like God intended. A simple, effective way to cleanse the soul, carbon be damned.

    I don’t need an “infotainment” system to provide my preferred music, just give me the rumble of a real V8, or the buzz of an old in-line 6.

    • Hi El Guapo,

      This story of your about the drive in the ’63 Merc made my morning! No LCD touchscreen, no “advanced driver assistance technology.” Just the car, the family and the experience of the open road. Thanks, you sir!

      Also, glad to hear you’re ok. I’d noticed you had been away for a bit.

      • Glad to be back! It was a rough bit, but back in better condition than before.

        Hopefully will have the paint done on the ‘64 C10 done in the next couple of months and then I’ll be able to subject the masses to a 230 Chevy with a Porter glasspack…let’s see the computer kids fake that funk!

  9. Fake and ghey is the “democracy badge” of the 15% of people under western control on our planet. The rest of the planet doesn’t play that.

    I never buy anything packaged. Eggs, meat, cheese, nuts, berries. Entirely all I eat. Lost 50 lbs eating that way fifteen years ago and kept it off easily. Never have a sugar craving ever (that stopped after a few months). Packaged? I pass. I don’t even read the labels, except to have a chuckle at what kinds of crap they now define as ‘food’.

    Once they ban my food, I will get it locally, or just get my own game, fish and shellfish. Easy to make your own cheese out of milk if you look it up online. Berries are seasonal in the natural world. Nuts, none around here except chestnuts in season. All good with me.

    And yet, sad to hear about what they have faked with a great American car. I forsee their sales crash, randomly catch fire, and result in liability.

  10. Good for the morons at Dodge.
    “Fratzonic Chambered Exhaust” – making something stupid and fake sound cool by giving it a cool-sounding name.
    That’s on par with calling gonorrhea “the Clap” so as to make it more palatable and acceptable to catching the infection!

  11. ‘And now – the perfect accompaniment – Fake Sound.’ — eric

    Dodge’s Daytona EeeVee is a tranny car, shaking its sonically-enhanced fake tits at us to disguise its incongruous y-chromosome.

    A late night out at the dealer’s with a pick and sledgehammer can fix this social deviancy.

    Welcome back, Ned Ludd. Let’s roll.

  12. The one–and only one–redeeming quality of an EV is the theoretical lack of irritating engine noises. But no, they can’t even give us that, now can they? (Sorry guys, I know I’m likely in the minority here where car sounds are concerned.)

    • Well, Jim, it WOULD make much more sense to attempt to tout an EV’s stealth rather than try an imitate engine noise in a pitiful display such as this.

      I would probably make a commercial in which, maybe, a teenage boyfriend rolls by his girl’s house in the middle of the night, killing the headlights as he approaches, while she sneaks out the window, and they go out for a night of revelry. Juxtapose that with a guy who tries that on his obnoxiously loud motorcycle, and the girl is intercepted by the parents who shake their heads at the noisy young motorcyclist.

      Or at least something like that… Of course, I know that no teenagers these days have the money for an EV.

      • Ha, ha, that’s actually a great idea for a commercial, BaDnOn. But I’m guessing the automakers assume the typical car buyer is all about making as much noise as possible to show off their shiny new muscle car. Or in the case of the Harley-Davidson crowd, “Look at me, look at me!”

  13. Going into Walmart this past Tuesday, noticed a Ford truck in the parking lot. Along the top edge of the truck bed were the words Harley Davidson and something, something. Just a quick glance.

    Sooo….with the new EV trucks/cars, maybe the truck bed could have Alabama Power Edition, or The Southern Company Edition—or whatever your local power company name is written on it.

    Car names, Electric Brick, Clap On/Clap Off……just wasting time here, so I don’t feel guilty for not doing anything productive so far today.

  14. The video, based on sheer fantasy, is totally disgusting but right in line with what we’ve been witnessing for the last fifty years. Like Eric says we live,,, have lived) in a fake world. History, education, you name it… all fake or lies. In my research of most everything I was taught in skool,,, heard on msm,,, told by government was fake or outright lies.

    These last generations will be remembered as the generations that could not find the time or the guts to ensure a good and prosperous world for their offspring. Killed many with experimental drugs and concoctions. Complying with any stupid government edict. Left them with huge debts,,, much hate and discontent,,, wars,,, and evil applications of digital technology to ruthlessly enslave and rule them forever.

  15. hahahha, ‘fake burnouts’ very good.
    Well one thing we can’t complain about is Dodge certainly knows how to do marketing, one of the better car companies to do so, IMO.
    From my perspective:
    The fake engine noise is very good, because to me, they didn’t just copy a Hemi, they made it sound different and unique. Smart.
    The car looks fantastic (to me) and I just wish it had a V8 of course. Maybe there will be conversion kits of such?
    The important part is sales vs investment, or maybe that doesn’t matter anymore?
    Dodge sold roughly 200-300K a year or 30K a month +/-, plus 300 sales which was lower but significant.
    As I said prior, roughly 2/3rd of these sales were lower trims to people that needed affordable, larger cars, and the other 1/3 were the higher end performance variants.
    Who’s going to buy these now assuming 20-30% more cost?
    What performance buyer is going to buy these?
    I think the large majority of above will not buy these anymore (as others have said too).
    But, and it’s a big but: Will it appeal to the younger ‘save the planet’ crowd? I think so, but they will not be interested in a Dodge. A few will, but not many, and why I said prior these cars are DOA.

    • Hi Chris,

      I agree with your synopsis. And – as regards the younger “save the planet” crowd… well, they’re broke, largely. Where are they going to get the $40-$50k-plus to start this thing will surely cost?

      Dodge is now living on borrowed time; Chrysler, too. Jeep probably, as well.

      • Maybe it would be smart to mothball all the old factory machines and intellectual property such as foundry patterns at the Hemi (i think in Mexico?) plant and the Brampton plant (in canada).
        Then when shtf they could say ‘oooops’ our bad, uncles gone or uncle sucks, were gonna build the old ones again.
        Of course it’s probably impossible because the old machines will be sold, and a majority of the parts/components are made by 3rd parties who will then scrap all associated hardware.
        I would do it if I owned Stelantis.
        I can dream though.

  16. Anyone else remember in the height of the coof hysteria of 2020 when the MLB and NFL etc. put cardboard cutouts of fans in the stadium seats and the broadcast networks put in a laugh track of crowd noise? It’s all the metaverse now, this is just the next iteration.

  17. OK, I just watched the first minute or two of the intro video.

    That’s PATHETIC!

    I bet these clowns thought they were cool as kids by putting a baseball card in the spokes of their bike with a clothes pin, too.

  18. Since we’re doing movie analogies, I think we’re living in a mix of The Matrix and The Truman Show. The difference is that we’re in a Matrix that the World Economic F’ers are watching.

  19. Now for the million dollar question nobody at Dodge has apparently asked.

    Who is going to buy this? Who is the targeted buyer of an electric Charger?

    It has zero appeal to current buyers of Chargers and Challengers, since most of those are probably car guys. So not them.

    Nobody and I mean nobody will be trading in a Hellcat for one of these turds.

    They aren’t pickup trucks, so they can’t be saved by large orders from fleet sales (outside of a few rental places, that won’t buy a second set after nobody rents the first ones).

    There aren’t many buyers of electric cars to begin with, and most them probably aren’t interested in products from Dodge.

    So yeah, who is going to buy these? I see no market for an electric “muscle” car.

  20. Isn’t Banshee a GM trademark? I don’t know which would be worse, the marketing team not doing due diligence or them licensing it.

  21. Well of course it’s a fake culture, because real culture is evil. CRT, don’t you know.
    It’s back to that Puritan/Yankee/ Progressive thing. No fun allowed. Pain and suffering are “virtuous”. Except among those delivering it.

  22. ‘Perhaps a smoke machine, too?’ — eric

    After further review, I now realize that Eric was not joking. This photo depicts a convincingly real simulated radiator boilover:

    https://tinyurl.com/38pxjbt4

    In an astonishing confession, Tim Kuniskis channels this site with a quote apparently lifted straight from Eric Peters:

    ‘Electric vehicles, Kuniskis said, have the potential to perform better than gas muscle cars with fast acceleration. But he said they are kind of sterile.

    “It doesn’t have the emotion. It doesn’t have the drama. It doesn’t have the kind of dangerous feeling that ICE (an internal combustion engine) has when it’s loud and rumbling and shifting and moving the car around.” — AP ‘News’

    Spending hundreds of billions to produce simulated ICE vehicles is going to deliver an EPIC corporate faceplant. When Caca-Cola stepped into that briar patch in 1985, they at least were able to quickly pivot back into Classic Coke when customers revolted.

    But today’s automotive corporate lemmings, having burnt the bridges behind them in concert with the Biden jackal gov and CARB californicators, now have no path forward except over the cliff. Look out below! (and amass your used fleet now)

  23. The poor bastard introducing an oxymoron vehicle. “We’re going all electric by making vehicles that eschew all the (purported) benefits”.

  24. Appliances are meant for the home, not to be driven. So when Stelantis goes bankrupt making everything battery operated, the next government bailout will take place. The cycle of printing more money leads to another round of more inflation. Soon that brick of crappy lasagna will become unaffordable and steak dinners will become a distant memory. The new meal out will be a hamburger dinner; if you can afford it!

  25. There was a movie back in 2011 ,starring Vince Vaugh,”The Dilemma”.
    Part of the story was him coming up with a new “eco friendly”car for Dodge.
    Their problem was coming up with a computer generated ,fake exhaust sound that sounded just right.
    I chalk it up to more predictive programming from our human farmer overlords.

  26. “It will be even louder than the sound of the current (and shortly to be dearly-departed) supercharged V8 Hellcat…”

    Wesley Mouch won’t allow for that. No way. Too much noise pollution. Better assemble a committee to study the proper loudness of amplifiers. Fun’s fun, but we can’t let anyone’s pleasure cause harm to themselves or others. (pedophiles and other perverts excepted of course)

  27. We have a fake President. A fake Pope. Fake burgers. And fake exhaust sounds. Even cars with ICE engines have these repellant devices. I’m glad that it can be turned off in most cars.

    I’m ready for the current tyrannical order to be swept away and for freedom to ring. I’m tired of living in Idiocracy meets Demolition Man. Where’s Edgar Friendly when you need him?

    See, according to Cocteau’s plan, I’m the enemy. Cause I like to think, I like to read. I’m into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I’m the kind if guy who wants to sit in a greasy spoon and think, “Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?” I want high cholesterol. I want to eat bacon, butter and buckets of cheese, okay? I want to smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in a non-smoking section. I wanna run through the streets naked with green Jello all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to. Okay, pal? I’ve seen the future, you know what it is? It’s a 47-year-old virgin sittin’ around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake singing “I’m an Oscar-Meyer Wiener”. You wanna live on top, you gotta live Cocteau’s way. What he wants, when he wants, how he wants. Your other choice: come down here, maybe starve to death.

    • I second (or third) that, Dr. Mantis. Demolition Man was quite predictive in some ways. To live how we’d like to live, we might all be “scraps” soon.

      • We can only hope that John Spartan returns. I am not eating at a Taco Bell, driving an EV, listening to commercials for fun, using seashells on any part of my body, or having virtual sex. The eerie part is San Angeles in 2032 could very well be true.

    • I love Dennis Leary’s character in Demolition Man. Actually, I like most of his characters. You can tell he is a type of guy that just says what he thinks and doesn’t get a rat’s ass if someone likes him.

  28. I went on the Ford site yesterday to price out F150 Lightening models, just for shits and giggles. The day I’d spend $60K – $95K on a truck is the same day I’d burn my own house down for fun.

    One of the accessories for that insanity is a charging cable. $500! Guess they’re trying to outperform Audi (etc) in terms of overpriced accessories. Heck, I’m sure it’ll have that uber-cool “Ford” logo, what more could you ask for?

    Now, if I ever have to endure fake engine noise in a car that I own, I’m going to find the fucken speakers and clip the damn leads. I don’t need to even hear the radio, I’m 50% deaf anyway. The absolute last noise that I want in what’s left of my hearing range is a fake fucken “rum, rum, rum!” sound.

    The idea of such lies somewhere between gay and insulting. Maybe a bit of both.

  29. Yes, fake everything.
    Once or twice a year I indulge in an easy comfort food from my youth- the big meat lasagna by stauffers. It was always loaded with savory meat sauce & cheese and, according to the ingredients list, wasn’t loaded with corn syrup and preservatives. It was a truly good delicious deal. I had to go to a walfart last week and decided to pick up a big meaty frozen pasta brick for dinner. I was immediately suspicious that the price was still under $17 but I figured maybe the big chain was just contracted into a lower price for the moment. The moment of truth arrived and I was severely disappointed. The sauce was thin and runny. There was a severe lack of ricotta cheese. When I finally got some “meat” it was unmistakably TVP. This was one of the last manufactured foods I would treat myself to. No more! I’ll stick to the meat and produce section for good now. Everything packaged and bottled tastes like complete sh*t now and is in no way satiating. I always feel hungry much sooner when eating fake food, so why bother anymore.

    • Oh damn! I loved that Stauffers frozen lasagna! It used to be better than many that I’ve had in restaurants. That is my yardstick for measuring an Italian restaurant — no good lasagna, then no good anything else is very likely.

      It figures though. The lunatics in charge think they’re gonna get everyone to eat bugs. Bullshit if they are. I’ll bet it won’t be long before companies like Stauffers are (at first) discretely replacing some/much of the “meat” with that fake shit.

      What do they call it? Something like “impossible burger” or whatever? Impossible to enjoy unless you’re a lunatic liberal.

      I’ve made cooking a hobby of mine anymore. I can’t trust packaged food AT ALL and I’m betting they’re sneaking that shit into restaurants as quickly as they can. I cook pretty well, better than most restaurants IMNSHO! 😁

      • EM,
        “I cook pretty well, better than most restaurants”,
        which is exactly why I haven’t eaten out in years. Look at the label of any processed food, and you find either sugar or fructose, or both, with the extremely high carb content that goes with it. Of course sugar makes everything taste better, while it kills you. Not long ago, I bought some pre-seasoned pork steaks, since they were just slightly more expensive than the unseasoned. Put them on the grill, and the very first bite was full of guess what, sugar. So even shopping the perimeter of the store, where all the coolers are, is not necessarily a safe bet. Regarding eating bugs, I won’t say i never will, but I will say I won’t be buying them, or any pretend meat.

        • Hi John

          Restaurant prices went way up, service got worse, even worse since the bat germ bs, so I just cook for myself, probably save $5000 per year.

          A restaurant advertised a steak for $29.99.

          I responded that I got a marked down 7 oz steak for $2.80 and made a salad for $1.20, total $4.00, cooked it myself in 15 minutes. (looks like restaurant stuff is marked up 7 times). ….open a restaurant, cook ten in an hour = $250 per hour. (a restaurant has other costs though).

          Going to a restaurant would probably waste 1 1/2 hours, plus the cost of the gas to get there, what a joke, then you get bad service, low quality, poorly prepared/cooked food and have to leave a 20% tip…..lol.

        • Hi John

          if you cook for yourself it could cost $8.00 to $10.00 per day, for three meals.

          Eating in restaurants can cost $45.00 to $60.00 per day, $1050 to $1500 per month more then your own cooking, just for pretty much fast food, no wonder people are broke…..

          this doesn’t include $5.00 starbucks drinks or rip off $2.00 crappy coffees…note: coffee can be made for 5 cents to 10 cents a cup….lol

          If you invest $1,000 every month for 40 years at a 6% return, it will be worth $1,991,545.25

          • Anon,
            Before I retired, I packed my lunch. Was often invited to go to a fast food joint by co-workers, to which I replied, “are you buying?” “No.” “Neither am I, thanks anyway.” I could pack lunch for a week, without scrimping, for what one trip to a fast food joint cost then. Not to mention I could sit on my butt for the entire lunch break, while they spent half their break driving and waiting.

    • Hi Boycott –

      As it happens, I did the same a couple weeks ago. Bought the Stouffer’s lasagna. Like you, I loved it as a kid and bought it as an adult for the occasional indulgence. The one I bought a couple of weeks ago? Almost no cheese – and what little there was, probably wasn’t. It tasted like salty caulk. There was even less “meat” – and (as you noted) runny “sauce” that covered up the paucity of pasta. Just three pathetic sheets. Never again.

      • Hi Eric,
        Marie Callendar makes a good frozen lasagna, but I haven’t been able to find it for awhile, maybe it’s too expensive to get the good ingredients now.

  30. ‘Perhaps a smoke machine, too?’ — eric

    Think bigger, eric: it comes with an optional android ‘girlfriend,’ Erica, for the front passenger seat. She’ll remind you to put on your seat belt; suggest some tunes for the infotainment system. All it takes is one ‘shut up’ to silence her. Wunderbar!

    And more Wunderbarfery:

    ‘The clowncept vehicle looks like a futuristic, yet retro, version of the current Dodge Challenger. Its front end features a large opening for air to pass through, which the company is calling a “R-Wing.”

    ‘The front wing as well as the vehicle’s “Fratzonic Chambered Exhaust” and “eRupt” multispeed transmission – names fitting for “Back to the Future” movies – are patent pending.

    ‘The exhaust system on the concept Charger, which Kuniskis said is as loud as a Hellcat, pushes sound through an amplifier and tuning chamber located at the rear of the vehicle. He compared it to a wind organ with chambers and pipes.’

    “This is not a science project,” Kuniskis said. — cnbc.com

    ‘Fratzonic’ is more insider-joke yuk-yuk-yukkery. Not so funny to us proles, though.

    Erica … would you pass me the barf bag?

  31. Eric: “previewed what Dodge styles a Fratzonic Chambered Exhaust”

    Sad story, and yet these companies can’t seem to understand why brand loyalty is rapidly disappearing. But just wait till they do this with EV motorcycles. Who knows maybe the base model Livewire will sound like a 45 CI flat head and the higher end one might sound like a pan head? Perhaps EV’s should play “The Clown Song” at low speeds so that pedestrians and bicyclists can hear the coming (for safety of course)?

    Listening to an old episode of The Car Doctor podcast from last November he mentioned than an Alaskan school board had gotten a grant to buy an EV school bus. Price; only $500,000!!! As an added bonus range dropped in half in the winter!!! I’m not telling anyone what to buy but you would think in a sane world people would be able to see that expecting anyone to be able to afford $50,000 economy cars and $500,000 school buses is not going to be sustainable.

  32. “No doubt the hand wringers will eventually be on about excess dihydrogen monoxide emissions”

    There was a moonbat moron congressman from Oregon a while back who bitched about the pollution from Blue Origin’s New Shephard tourist flights. Those engines use hydrogen as the propellant and oxygen as the oxidizer. Guess what the exhaust is?

    • Mike,
      Some time ago I actually watched a video of a man collecting signatures on a petition to stop dihydrogen monoxide pollution, and a LOT of people signed it. Over half.

      • And thank goodness, they did! Dihydrogen Monoxide is found in cancer cells, acid rain, and is used by the chemical oil companies in pursuit of profit!

        /s

  33. “Fake sound” is akin to the vegans who try to make their pinecones & twigs taste like bacon, beef, etc. Why not just eat bacon, beef, etc. & leave the pinecones & twigs to the forest critters?

    • Or conversely, if you *want* to eat pinecones and twigs, why not have them taste like pinecones and twigs?! To me that’s the craziest shit of the whole thing. If you don’t like meat, why in fuck are you making it taste LIKE MEAT?!?!

      If or when there is no meat available, I will eat vegetables and I will have them taste like vegetables because that’s what I’d be eating. Plenty of vegetables taste just fine and I’m predominantly a carnivore!

    • Re: bacon flavored twigs
      It’s because vegans are batsh*t lunatics. I’m convinced their complete lack of animal protein and cholesterol intake has withered their brains like a prune. They’re almost universally gynocentrists hell bent on destroying the patriarchy to replace it with a communist coven where we can all play and talk about our feeeeelings. The sick thing is all that vegetable oil, soy and grain they stuff down their gizzards to cover the gnawing feeling of starvation makes them expand like the stay-puft marshmallow man. They love that sickness so much they want everybody to enjoy the misery. For what? Our furry friends that would lick the marrow from our bones if given the chance? No thanks. Have fun with your tofurkey burgers and your dildo collection. Raccoon stew wins over that fauxfood any day.

  34. Wait until next year. No doubt the hand wringers will eventually be on about excess dihydrogen monoxide emissions, which are known to precipitate (pun intended) “short term climate change,” a.k.a. “weather.”

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