A hurricane is bearing down on Florida, which means the possibility of hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of people may need to flee Florida. Some of them may not get very far . . . if their vehicle of choice is an EeeeeeeeeVeeeee.
Tesla owners might be the allotted a bit more range, courtesy of the beneficence of Elon the Divine – via “over the air updates” that temporarily allow their Teslas’ batteries to absorb more range, perhaps enough to get out of the path of the hurricane.
But not even Elon the Divine can send electricity over the air – something that the actual Tesla (as in Nikola) was working on. That means the EeeeeeeeVeeeees will go no farther than the electricity they aleady have stored in their battery packs, if the electricity goes down.
That is something that tends to happen when a hurricane comes to town.
Even if the power doesn’t go down, the lines are sure to queu up as EeeeeeeVeeee owners descend upon “fast” chargers to wait their turn to wait the 30-45 minutes it takes to instill a partial (80 percent) “fast” charge in an EeeeeeeeVeeeeee. Which, of course, leaves them down 20 percent as far as the range they would have had if they got a full charge. Which they can get, of course, if they’re prepared to wait considerably longer than the 30-45 minutes it takes to instill an 80 percent “fast” charge at a trickle charge . . . unless they’re willing to risk damage to their EeeeeeeeeVeeeeee’s battery.
Or a fire.
So, if an EeeeeeeeeVeeeee can supposedly go say 250 miles on a full charge, it actually only goes about 200 miles on an 80 percent “fast” charge. That may be just enough range to clear the path of the hurricane bearing down in the rearview mirror . . . assuming it’s not too hot out and you don’t turn on the car’s AC. If it is – and you do – that 200 miles of 80 percent range might prove to be 150 miles – and not enough to get you out of harm’s way.
It’ll be even less – a lot less – if the EeeeeeeVeeeee is pulling anything behind it, like a trailer full of your stuff. Even if it is a mighty EeeeeeeeVeeeee pick-up such as Ford’s Lightning, which advertises the ability to pull a very heavy trailer. What’s not advertised is how not-far the Lightning can tow it. Several reviewers have posted alarming video reviews detailing what happens when even a light (6,000-8,000 lb.) trailer is hitched to an EeeeeeVeeeee pickup like the Lightning. In one case, the range drooped to just 80 miles. In which case, if a hurricane is on your tail, you might as well never have left home.
You won’t end up far from it, any rate.
EeeeeeVeeeee apologists will say this is an in extremis case – and that’s true. But it’s also true that in such as case, a truck with a full tank could put 500 miles between it and a hurricane, pulling a trailer full of your stuff.
It is also true that if the power goes down, you can keep on going – if you aren’t driving an EeeeeeeeeVeeeee. If you had the sense to fill up a couple of five-gallon jugs before the power went out. Even one five gallon jug will take the typical car around 150 miles – and it does not take 30-45 minutes to pour it into the tank. Many gas stations also have back-up diesel generators to keep the pumps working. “Fast” chargers for EeeeeeeeVeeeeees are totally dependent upon grid power. If it goes down, you cannot “fast” charge an EeeeeeeVeeee. The best you can hope to do is use a portable generator to trickle-charge it – and that will take hours (plus the gas).
All of this would be hilarious if it weren’t so serious.
In particular as regards the fact that EeeeeeeVeeeeees are not merely the Fool’s Car – all the consequences of being fooled borne by the fools who buy them. That would be a case of caveat emptor – and a learning experience.
Many would not get fooled again.
Not-so-funny is the fact that we’re all being herded into EeeeeeeVeeeees – by people who think we are fools. Who mean to let us in on the gag once the joke’s already been cracked.
A joke that’ll be on us – with them doing all the laughing.
. . .
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