Have you seen the newest Ferrari? It looks something like a Chevy Volt that Mr. Whipple squeezed (like Charmin) in the middle.
Of course, it’s an EV. All 5,000 pounds of it. Imagine that. A five seat electric Ferrari crossover that weighs about as much as a Chevy Tahoe that looks like a Chevy Volt that Mr. Whipple squeezed in the middle. Would you believe it was designed by the same company – LoveFrom – that designed the iPhone? It is easy to believe. Just look at the thing.
Enzo weeps.
But it has more than 1,000 horsepower and can get to 60 in 2.5 seconds and has a top speed just shy of 200 MPH! Depends are also excellent at what they do, too. It does not make Depends appealing, however. The same can be said of the need to wait for at least 20 minutes to recover half of its fully charged range of about 300 miles. No doubt lots of people will be scrambling to pay Ferrari $640,000 for the privilege of hanging around a Sheetz with the proletariat while their device trickle charges. That is the price of the Luce – which happens to rhyme, appropriately enough, with douche.
It takes one to buy one, doesn’t it?
Mr. Hand’s exasperated what is wrong with you people? comes to mind.
Is everyone on dope?
Ferrari seemed to be among the few who were not. It had invested bigly in “carbon free” gasoline, made by a very expensive process that was expected to result in very expensive ($20 per gallon, at least) gasoline but Ferrari understood that its clientele has the means and – far more important – the desire to pay whatever it costs to experience Ferrari-ness. That entails combustion. Without a Ferrari engine, the experience is gone. As your Libertarian Car Guy never tires of pointing out, a battery – no matter how many kilowatt-hours or volts – is just a battery. It doesn’t move and so it does not move you. Not emotionally. It stores power, that’s all. Has anyone ever gotten emotional about a gas tank? And at least gas has a certain smell – pleasant, to some – and you can hear it sloshing around in the tank, so there’s that. A battery is a box. Does anyone get excited about a box? Especially one you can’t see the inside of?
Electric motors ate largely silent. The silence is all pretty much the same.
They are capable of producing immense power but they do it without any manifestation of power being produced. There is nothing like the 7,000 RPM orchestra of a dual-cammed Ferrari V8 or V12 making power and (again) there is nothing to see, either. The electric motors – like the batteries – are hidden under the bodywork. Part of this is out of functional necessity; the huge battery pack has to be spread out pretty much along the entirety of the car’s floorpan and the electric motors mount adjacent to the wheels they drive (there is no transmission or drive axle in an EV). But there is also no aesthetic necessity – as there is in Ferraris with engines. Everyone wants to see those engines and Ferrari went to great lengths to give them something to see. This is a general truism. All interesting cars are cars most people are interested in looking under the hoods of. It’s why you see the hoods up at every car show. Note that the cars being shown aren’t moving or even running. Nevertheless, crowds gather to see what’s under the hood – because there is something to see. 
What is there to see under the hood of an EV – other than empty space in the “frunk”?
Now, a frunk is very functional. It is a fine thing to have a second trunk, up front. Some can hold a bag of ice and a case of beer. That is wonderfully utilitarian – and there is a need for that. But Ferraris and other cars in this class are as far from utilitarian considerations as Sydney Sweeney in a bikini.
And yet, there is a certain appeal to the latter that trumps all utilitarian considerations.
There’s not much to look at on the outside, either – as far as the Luce-douche is concerned. Or the inside, for that matter. Have a look and see for yourself. There are just a few instruments, because there is nothing much to monitor. No oil pressure or water temperature; no need for a tachometer, either – since you can’t over-rev an electric motor that’s electrically governed and you’re not shifting gears and so it’s impossible to miss one (or downshift to the wrong one).
There is a large LCD douchscreen to look at. Ferrari tries to make it look special but that is something like trying to make a smartphone look special. The parameters don’t leave much room for specialness, so what you end up looking at is something that would not look out of place in the latest Kia or Hyundai, with the difference being Hyundai and Kia do not expect you to pay $640,000 to tap and swipe like a pigeon pecking at a discarded french fry by the side of the road.
Maybe there are people who’ll want to buy one of these devices, though why they would can only be on account of how much it costs. There is exclusivity in that, but it’s a trashy form of exclusivity – the sort that money can buy but which isn’t worth much.
One Magnum, PI-era Ferrari 308 being worth more as form – and function – than every Luce-douche they’ll build.
. . .
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it will sell some measurable quantity because Ferrari will require the purchase of this abomination to buy a Ferrari model people will actually want to own. it is more akin to a tax or membership fee.
these days things have become incredibly fake and gay.
This “Ferrari” is one of the fakest and gayest things I’ve seen this year.
Amen, Harry –
A Dino is far more a Ferrari than this device.
There are 2 kinds of Ferrari owners. Those who love cars and those who love the brand. The Luce is not for the car people but is for the brand people. This is for the people who buy $500 T Shirts from the Ferrari Shop. There are plenty of people with obscene money who will pull up to the Hotel Monte Carlo in their Luce to be seen on YouTube. It is going to be a huge success.
As for me, I will never aspire to a car that weighs 5,000 lbs!
Hi Kesselchen,
While I agree there are people who buy the brand, I doubt this thing will be a success. I suppose time will tell!
Why couldn’t Pininfarina at least do the bodywork on this thing?
Regarding the question of Who would buy this thing?
You want a real Ferrari? Drop your $650k on this and you will be allowed to buy a real Ferrari. The .gov is happy they sell compliance appliances. The Greenies are happy that their plan is working. China is happy for their increase in sales. Finally, Ferrari is happy because their real cars got a $650k price increase.
The corporations are not tailoring products for people anymore, only the rich, they want the rest of you motherfuckers dead. Remember the bud light faggot? It’s not about making money, its about saying ‘fuck you”, peon. Re read the Great Taking, the ‘laws” are in place and that is what they will do. In your face to put you in your place.
It has been sort of depressing to watch the Germans and British allow their occupational globohomo governments destroy their respective economies. I wonder what it would take for the industrialist-class of Europe to decide enough is enough, and replace the current fake-and-gay governments with something less suicidally insane, by whatever means are needed?
Yeah. It’s a $500K Nissan Leaf, lol!
Enthusiast cars should sing to you. Ferraris, Lambos, Astons, Porsche flat 6’s. It’s a mechanical symphony, violins, cellos, flutes, real pianos, brass blown by humans. Yes synthesized crap is just not and will never be the same. Pavarotti has no need for an Auto-Tune.
It looks like an IPad that had sexual congress with a toaster.
That is a turd, and its will sell like a turd.
As an aside, many designer handbags, shoes and wallets are now pleather/plastic/synthetic leather. I’m talking Givenchy, Ferragamo, Versace, Prada, MCM etc. Wanted to get the greatest lady I ever met and the love of my life a nice, timeless leather bag when I had a couple of extra dollars, and discovered I actually couldn’t. They now want thousands for pleather, and the sales people at Saks acted like I was crazy for caring about it. I have learned the best selection of real leather goods now comes from local craftsman or used.
KMose, have you tried looking in a Harley Davidson type store? Often times, they will have good quality leathera products other than just the boots, chaps, jackets and such. You might get lucky in finding what you are looking for there? Also, the smells of leather in such a store is never a bad thing, either
THAT is the gayest-looking car I have ever seen. It should come with a full-size cardboard HOV dummy cut-out of Richard Simmons or one of The Village People. A Fiat 500 is less gay. That thing probably comes with a tail-pipe dildo….
Ferrari is being forced to do this, there’s no way they chose this willingly given what’s been happening in the market with EV’s.
When the US and EU destroy their own automakers with these EV mandates, China will still be making ICE cars, and that’s what we’ll be driving when the inevitable backlash happens and the restrictions are loosened. If they’re not loosened, I guess it’s bicycles and horses.
Making ICE cars? They’ll still be making 240z’s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBBZrjwqWZc
Hi Horst,
I’d be willing to bet the title to my TA that if Nissan were to bring back a 240Z as a brand-new car (assuming they were allowed to) and offered it for the $20,000 or so such a car would cost to build and sell today at a profit the thing would sell faster than condoms at a cathouse.
I will take the Magnum P.I era Ferrari any day. That, or any of the other sports cars that Tubbs & Crocket (Miami Vice) drove around in. Whatever the hell that thing is they are advertising looks about as appetizing as a crap sandwich, and it is not worth much more than that. Good grief, even the vehicle I drive now looks way better, and as an added bonus, I do not have to sit and charge the engine! Oh, I will also take the two dogs, too (Zeus & Apollo), as well.
My sister interviewed a guy for a job in her company. The candidate mentioned that his dog is named ‘Zee-us.’ She was not bloody impressed.
Seeing my first 308 at 10 years old in 1981 was unforgettable. I had seen plenty of 911s in Raleigh, NC, but when that kid got dropped from a 308 at soccer practice, literally every kid ran off the field to go look at the car. Enzo Ferrari said that the Jaguar XKE was the most beautiful car ever, and the Pininfarina-designed Ferraris indicate that. The F355 is the most beautiful Ferrari ever. We had Foreign Cars Italia in Greensboro , and all through high school and after, I went there to dream. Everything past the F355 doesn’t even cause me to turn my head. Still love to see a 308, though. I watch the Cameo videos for Attack Me With Your Love and Single Life all the time to look at the 308 featured prominently in both.
Back in the ‘70s the Alfa dealer in Seattle was also the Ferrari dealer. The Italian born owners, two brothers and I were pals, as an Alfa owner I was a regular parts buyer.
I always drooled over the 246 Dino on the floor, it was hands off there but they insisted I go ahead and sit behind the wheel. Pretty cool set of wheels for a 19 year old to dream about!
“Ferrari” has obviously been co opted into promotion of self loathing hence we see suicide in progress.
Dont fall for this vile shit.
Well, the wipers are easy to change!
The new FerrarGay Dou`che…
Now fake and gay in the electric way!!!
How better to separate the goyims from their monies than to promote garbage like this?
I’m with Mr. Hand, what is wrong with these people?
But I’d definitely like to see what’s under her hood, trunk, and frunk…and junk!!!
Oy Vey!!!!
YMMV….
It’s a Chick Car, just what Ferrari needed. (sic)
So when did high power performance cars have to come in pastels?
It’s not publicized … but you have to know to ask for the rainbow option, and repeat the password.
As a €25,000 ‘Easter egg’ option, it’s a steal for what surely will become a collector’s item.
The former CEO pretty much sums it up… “If I had to say what I really think, I would be hurting Ferrari. We’re risking the destruction of a legend. I’m very sorry,” he said, walking away before going ahead with his view on the EV. “I hope that at least they will remove the Prancing Horse from that car!” … “This is surely a car that at least the Chinese won’t copy from us”
‘Enzo weeps.’ — eric
It was ever thus — when a founder builds a great, scrappy company, and then hands it over to blank-faced NPCs who wreck it.
Wikipedians write, ‘He [Enzo] never flew in an aeroplane (always using a car or train for his travels) and never set foot in a lift (always preferring to use stairs, although he said it was more tiring).’ If Enzo didn’t trust an electric lift, despite its fierce and silent acceleration, you know he wasn’t gonna set foot in no drive-by-wire EeeVee with a malicious little chip mind of its own.
‘In his final years, Enzo was often referred to as l’Ingegnere (“the Engineer”), il Grande Vecchio (“the Grand Old Man”), il Cavaliere (“the Knight”), il Mago (“the Wizard”), and il Patriarca (“the Patriarch”) — not, mind you, il Electrolux or il grande Hoover.
One time Ferrari sent a cease-and-desist letter to DJ Deadmau5 regarding his 458 Italia, which he had customized with a Nyan Cat wrap and renamed the Purrari. One-upping ol’ DJ, I’m naming Jony Ives’ frowsy iPhone-on-wheels the Furrari. Behold:
https://ibb.co/kshqjyL8
Stray cat strut, I’m an EeeVee cat
I’m a feline Liberace (Hey, man, that’s that)
Get a tire thrown at me by a mean old man [‘Jim’ — ed.]
Get my charge behind a garbage can
— Stray Cats, Stray Cat Strut
Indeed, Jim!
Another honorific (for Enzo) I have heard was Il Condottiere, meaning a swashbuckling man-at-arms from long ago. Very much so!
Ford V Ferrari
Who is going to lose the most money the fastest way possible.
Hi Hans,
It was a great movie, though. And nothing about Ken Miles was fake or gay.
Ford vs Ferrari II: Electric Boogaloo
https://www.zerohedge.com/news/2026-06-06/ford-versus-ferrari-revisited
Now they can sell it to the male Ford Probe/Mazda Miata demographic.
My second Probe did 200k miles hard labor before retirement. The first one hooked my 16 yo daughter on stick shift.
Those Probes were pathetic but still automobiles. This F’n douche twinky insults cars and enthusiasts.
Nice, in an era of AI generated everything, it’s enjoyable to read an article by someone who can write with satire. I sure do miss Mike Royko.
Anyone who buys an EV is buying into a belief system where globalist billionaires are making insane profits while stripping the land of lithium and leaving huge geographical scars in their wake.
This is the same belief system that digs umpteen numbers of holes in the ground, put 600 cubic yards of concrete and rebar into every hole, mounts a metal pole and a large fan on top of these forever concrete subterranean monuments, and then tells you that it’s an efficient form of energy production while it kills avian wildlife and they generate more wealth from guaranteed government subsidies and profits, sneakily written into the Production Tax Credit, and passed by our Con-gress every 10 years. No doubt those honest folks are in it for the good of our environment and not for any self realized profit from insider trading.
This is the same belief system that buries those large fan blades in the ground 10 years later because there’s no profit to be made in recycling them.
This is the same belief system that will create a social credit score, store all your texts, conversations and social media posts in those large data farms being built everywhere, (no doubt with more government subsidies and financial perks) and othen shut down your $640,000 EV for a month if they disagree with your thoughts or speech. No trips to the Dollar Store or Starbucks for you this week. Sit at home while we evaluate your latest activity on that device you have your face glued to. Oh, and make sure your EV is parked inside. If it catches fire during a recharge, we’ll do our best to get the new EV firetruck to your home in time to save it, unless of course your belief system is contrary to “the greater public good”’.
This is the same belief system that’s going to squash your freedoms like a bug on the sidewalk, so be prepared.
Thanks, Joe!
I spoke with Mike a few times way back in the ’90s when I worked in DC at The Washington Times. I was also privileged to know Joe Sobran a little, too.
Mike was a national treasure for sure, and it was his sometimes thorny attributes which made him such. Keep up the good work Eric, our automotive literary scene needs people such as yourself.
Hi Joe,
I don’t know if you heard, but Blackrock CEO Larry Fink, who is also chairman of the WEF, said that building all those data centers people like him wish to build would necessitate taking money from people’s pensions, which to me sounds like THEFT. It’s of a piece with John Kerry all but admitting a few years ago that implementation of the demented climate change goal known as NET ZERO would cost TRILLIONS of dollars, meaning that Americans would be perpetually fleeced in the name of “Stopping cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimate change”. And yet, there are people who STILL belieeeeeeeeeeve the billionaire sponsored narratives on cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimate change. They tend to be liberals who proclaim themselves as ATHEISTS.
“They tend to be liberals who proclaim themselves as ATHEISTS.”
I don’t think there is such a thing as an atheist. These people (liberals and conservatives) replace their Creator with something else. Themselves, Satan, money. Usually themselves. Whatever it is, it leads to a self-imposed hell on earth. They turn their backs on God, start believing in things like “Nothing is True, Everything is Permitted”, then when everything around them turns to shit, they want to take it out on you. History is replete with tales written by wiser men than us, warning of the dangers of this type of behavior.
Morally and spiritually corrupt ingrates who have big dreams of saving the world. Laughable.
“Atheist? A name I abhor. When I hear it, my ears start to ache. I feel like vomiting! [rising from the table] And suddenly I cannot hold back my sword hand’s anger!” – Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Jews hide behind “atheist” when they catch a wiff of themselves.
Hi Philo,
Good definition of atheist I read somewhere is “if you believe in nothing you’ll believe anything”.
Good examples of what you speak of would be DEI, COVID, Cliiiiiimate change caused by humans driving gas vehicles and eating meat, vaccines, face diapers, Men can become Women (And vice versa), Transhumanism, Globalism will ensure equity & global health, CBDCs will ensure financial equity & inclusion, Democrats are looking out for the working class, etc.
Unfortunately, sheeple abound. Wisdom cries out to the uninformed, but they are usually not listening.
Unfortunately we saw that on full display during COVID. Or how many people will dutifully follow orders, no matter how nonsensical, from people who are “Authority” or call themselves EXPERTS or even THE SCIENCE.
Thank you. Xlnt post.
This scene from the movie Rush, encapsulates it all…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQVY0RbDbGw
This glorified golf cart with a Ferarri badge is like everything now: Fake, gay and retarded.
Ferrarris are about passion generated by the glorious engine sounds of V-12s and high-revving flat-plane crank V-8s and cloaked in stylng that is as much art as design.
This EV looks like a stapler on wheels.
And like every stupid EV, it weighs twice as much, goes half as far and is plugged into Skynet via over the air “updates” and access to charging stations.
And if one of the battery packs is slightly damaged, this UGLY monstrosity will burn like the fires of hell.
The good news is even the comment section of Car and Driver, once a great magazine now run by bought and paid for propagandists for our oligarch overlords, is overrun with negative comments about the Douche. Considering the pro-EV bias of the soyboy betacucks of Golf Cart and Passenger and its commentariat, that’s progress.
Amen, Dr. Mantis!
I was anting to add – to the piece – that if you can’t tell it’s a Ferrari by looking at it then it’s not a Ferrari.
Fake, gay and retarded, yup.
‘Golf Cart and Passenger’ — bwa ha ha ha, Dr Mantis!
Soon transitioning to ‘Gurney and Cadaver,’ for the last ride.
Death to the auto industry! 🙂
Ferrari without engine?
Tomato without juice?
Sex without semen?
Not the Genuine Articles, folks.
The upshot is there could be a comedic remake of Ford vs Ferrari. Most of the 24 hours of Lemans would be spent charging the Mustang Mach E and the Lucre. It is this extended amount of downtime that lends itself to me slapping humor.
Knee slapping. Stupid iPhone.
I very much doubt that the kind of people who are able to spend $640,000 on a Ferrari are the same kind of people who would be willing to buy a car that keeps them on a leash, like this “Ferrari” does.
The idea of a Ferrari with a touchscreen or an electric motor instead of a gasoline engine is so wrong that it makes your head spin. A car that is billed as the consummate sports car shouldn’t have or need a touchscreen or electric drive. Of course what Enzo would of thought of a Ferrari that weighed 5,000 pounds is another matter.
This of course what usually happens when people who don’t understand what a company is or stands for get involved with product development.
It’s apropos that they had the designers of the i-Phone take the lead instead of Pininfarina or Bertone. Those classic design houses probably wouldn’t want to be associated with this obscenity. Ferrari might think it gives them plausible deniability but, that ain’t cuttin’ it.
Who wouldn’t rather have ~375hp 365GTB/4 over this 1,000hp toaster?
Indeed, the emperor has no clothes…and the water is cold.
“ It’s apropos that they had the designers of the i-Phone take the lead instead of Pininfarina or Bertone.”
Try to keep up.
Pinninfarina is owned by the Indians of MaMahindra.
Bertone went bankrupt in 2014 and is no longer a design powerhouse. It has been revived in name only by a couple of rich douches to try to build some useless hyper car.
Hi Scotty,
The whole thing is so goddamn sad – and enraging, too. Everything that was once beautiful and desirable is becoming ugly and stupid.
“Everything that was once beautiful and desirable is becoming ugly and stupid.”
That trend started becoming overtly apparent in the ’90s at least, if not earlier. Anyone seriously wondering why yet?
Nothing you want to buy means the money’s already worthless in a way.
That’s true, Kmose!
I am grateful I have my TA. I have had other fun cars in the past. I do feel bad for the youth, though – as most of them will never get to have the things I got to have.