If you’re old enough – or just like old movies – you’ll get a deja vu kick (in the head) when you read about the new Carbon Cop Car, the E7. It will bring forth memories of the black-clad U.S. Police Force from Escape From New York (Kurt Russell/Lee Van Cleef classic) or maybe Mad Max’s Pursuit Special. Or the SUX2000 from RoboCop.
Only this one’s for real. Not a prop. And coming to a speed trap near you, soon.
For the first time in the history of American traffic enforcement, cops will not be cruising around in repainted Crown Vics or Impalas that are otherwise much like what Grandma drives – including their (usually) slow-pokey drivetrains.
The Carbon E7 is a purpose-built (and law enforcement-only) machine that – as the cliche says – takes it to a whole new level. Only it’s not a cliche in this case, because it’s 110 percent true.
I use that word because of the bleak, almost Orwellian, IngSoc-echoing speechlines used to present it, for openers. I quote from the company prospectus:
“More than eight years after 9/11 (there you go… you knew it was coming) our country’s 840,000 law enforcement first-responders continue to utilize inconsistently outfitted retail passenger vehicles meant for consumer use which do not provide the safety and performance capabilities appropriate to (drumroll, please) protect our homeland against threats… ”
Well, it doesn’t get better.
This car – this civilian assault vehicle, actually – is the perfect four-wheeled accompaniment for modern day, post-911 buzz-cut, steroid-jacked and militarized “law enforcement” (note the transformation; peace officers don’t exist any longer). It is of a piece with the changeover from six-shooters to high-capacity autoloaders and flak jackets – and just the thing for dealing with the probably soon-to-be-restless Mundanes.
The E7 “will utilize weapons of mass destruction detection sensors, automatic license plate recognition, infrared (night vision) cameras and its proprietary On-Board Rapid Command Architecture.”
All the better to see you with, my pretty. And keep track of you, too.
Each car will (or can) “act as a new Homeland Security Platform upon which modern communications systems may be deployed to act as a node for more effective and reliable interoperability.”
The fierce-looking car with its integrated LED “wig wags” and brutally jutting push bars up front will be the perfect set piece for the New America. In addition to its 400 lb.-ft. turbo-diesel engine and 150 MPH top speed capability, it has “ballistic” (armored) panels, 360 degree exterior surveillance/recording ability,
molded “perp bucket” seats in back (for “safer suspect ingress and egress” – and “hoseable,” too) plus suspect audio/video recording capability – and it can take a 75 MPH hit – “officer safety” being of the highest-priority in the Homeland these days.
A fleet of E7s patrolling your area will Know all and See all. Cruising down neighborhood streets, every out-of-date license tag, every not-paid fine, will quickly be identified and processed. Law enforcement will become so much more efficient.
Read: Remunerative. Bear in mind that most if not all the foregoing features will be most usefully applied not against criminal thugs but rather against ordinary people who’ve committed some penny-ante infraction. Only pennies won’t be involved. And not just in the form of the “revenue” enhancement that the E7 will facilitate but also in the form of the price tag that comes with each of these custom-made, for-cops-only cruisers. The company’s not saying How Much, but you can bet it’ll be more – a lot more – than the cost of a fleet-service Crown Vic, which costs about $22k direct from Ford. The Vic and other such cars are mass-produced by a major automaker that has the benefit of economies of scale. The E7 will be relatively low-volume (cops only) and so necessarily more expensive – and that’s without getting into the elaborate bells and whistles of this thing. Just another way to mulct the public in the “post 911 world.”
Another E7 feature the company touts is exclusivity. Mere Mundanes will no longer be driving what the cops drive. The cops of the New America will stand apart, which is fitting, given the menacing presence they’ve become.
Law enforcement has become an unclean profession, a sanctioned “career path” for people who are often bullies and even sociopaths (see, for example, this recent video of an Ohio Cop threatening to execute a concealed handgun (CHP) permit holder who was pulled over for no lawful reason and then berated so relentlessly he was not able to even tell the cop he was a CHP holder, though he tried mightily to do so nonetheless: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kassP7zI0qc&feature=results_main&playnext=1&list=PL741ABA7640F96E38 ).
People who would ordinarily have no fear of cops because they don’t commit crimes – that is, they don’t steal, assault or kill – are now in the crosshairs of “law enforcement” because the laws now target what used to be lawful, routine interactions between free and consenting people (examples: Kids setting up a lemonade stand – that’s illegal now. Gotta have a permit for that. Can’t sell milk to your neighbor; if you do, expect a raid by black-clad Ninjas. Etc.) And of course, there’s the now-common over-the-top reaction, over-reaction, properly stated – to what used to be normal cop-civilian interactions. Argue with a cop? You can expect to be Tazered or worse. Fail to immediately Submit and Obey (no matter how outrageous or even illegal the demand) and you have invited a wood shampoo for “resisting.” Raise your own hand to deflect a blow headed for your face and that’s felony assault on a cop. Take your beating like a man.
Well, a man of the New America, anyhow.
At least we’ll no longer have to sweat that blue Crown Vic up ahead. In the New America, it will just be Grandma for sure.
See here for more depressing details: http://www.carbonmotors.com