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There but for the grace of Mike Valentine go I, I thought.angry pig picture

Yesterday was the first nice day we’ve had out here in The Woods in almost a week. So I took my ’03 ZRX1200 out for a run. The pork to people ratio in The Woods is relatively favorable and on a fast motorcycle, you’ve got few worries anyhow. Breaking contact is a simple matter of tucking in and letting the Keihins breath free. Bye-bye, now.

But, once out of The Woods it’s a different story.

The odds are less favorable, in both directions. The pig-to-people ratio is higher. And while it’s always possible to make a break for it, your chances of getting away with it are lower because disappearing is harder. This is critical. If you’re going to successfully leave a pig fuming, steam pumping out of its nostrils, its trotters kicking angrily at the earth, you must vanish within 90 seconds of initial contact. Leave him with – at most – a brief glimpse, not enough to work with. It was a green sport bike… not sure what make or year. Couldn’t see the rider’s face. . . .

If he gets close enough to read your plate, you’re done.bike V1 1

If he gets within 100 yards of you, you’re done.

This is hard to manage in an urban – or even suburban – environment. Not enough open space to work with; much more likely there’ll be another porker in the vicinity.

Which is why it’s better policy to avoid The Encounter altogether by keeping a low profile – and running under the radar.


I never, ever, leave my driveway without my Valentine 1 running interference. Other high-end radar detectors are good, too – but (to my knowledge) no other detector on the market has the sensitivity that the V1 has. “Apps” are great, but for me, the single most important quality a radar detector must have is the ability to smell bacon. And the V1’s electronic nostrils are simply superb.

Which brings me back to my ride.leaned over

I left the bike shop – Star City Powersports, located on the outskirts of Roanoke, Va., in case anyone reading this is local or familiar with the area – along with three other riders, also on sport bikes.  There is a magnificent sweeper of an on-ramp to I-581 from Peters Creek Road. Pure leaned over joy. All of us took the turn at Ludicrous Speed – the only way to take such a turn. It was at just that moment, mid-corner, when my V1 began to get hysterical.

Ka band.

Shit!radar pig

Standing a bike up mid-corner is not a pleasant – much less safe (huge irony there) thing to do. This pig – waiting at the mouth of the on-ramp – was setting up the conditions for a nasty wreck. Bike – or car. Imagine it: You’re coming around a sharp turn – and yes, you’re “speeding” – but in control and no problems… until you’re freaked out by that cop up ahead. No time to think, you just react. And what is the usual reaction?

Jam on the brakes.

In a car this is scary. On a bike – leaned over – it can be fatal. A sudden, instinctive squeeze of the front brake and endo you go, maybe high side the bike. Or, lock up the rear – and low side. You might manage to keep it wheels up, but it’s not easy and it will definitely shake you up.pulled over

My V1 gave me just enough early warning to throttle back and scrub off enough speed before I got within the oink’s beam.

Unfortunately, the three riders ahead of me did not have V1s – or any other Pork Protectors. As became apparent when I caught up to them at the mouth of the merge. They had slowed by now – but it was already too late. The Virginia State cop who had been snuffling by the side of the road was on their ass – his blue wig wags heralding the almost certain “reckless driving” tickets he was moments away from issuing.

I wrote last week – see here – about this. About how – in the state of Virginia (and some other states, too) – merely traveling in excess of an arbitrarily dictated (and often, absurdly low) posted maximum speed limit can result in an almost-felony charge of “reckless” driving. On this stretch of I-581, an Interstate spur of I-81 where the posted limit is an almost-reasonable 70 MPH, the legal maximum is a preposterous 55 MPH. Which means all it takes is 76 MPH (which would be a minor ticket just a few hundred yards prior) to ring the nearly felonious “reckless” driving bell.angry pig 2

My V1 just saved me several thousand dollars in lawyer bills, fines and jacked-up insurance premiums. Maybe even a week in jail (yes, they do that; see the article previously mentioned). Not to mention the possible “suspension” of my driving (and riding) “privileges.”


But my fellow riders  – I did not catch their names – were not so lucky. Last I saw of them, they were pulled onto the shoulder, with the blue wig-wags right behind them.


The $400 I spent several years ago on my V1 has paid for itself so many times I’ve lost track. I can’t imagine life – on wheels – without it. Though not foolproof (laser is still a worry; theV1 will detect it, but by the time it does, it’s already too late) it has reshuffled the odds – in my favor. It has made driving – and riding – enjoyable again. Because few things are more enjoyable than avoiding one of the state’s roadside revenue collectors. Without having to crack open the Keihins.

Thanks – again – Mike.

Throw it in the Woods? 

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  1. Oh yeah, I’m lovin’ this thread.

    Used a service road through a gold course and cemetery to make my escape on a rigid Triumph bobber that I had built years ago.

    Gorgeous clear cool night and a clean escape from the state’s enforcers.

    Best Ride Ever.

    • Helot, high end devices didn’t used to but I haven’t checked in a couple years. There was one CM unit I really liked the sounds of but can’t remember it now, wasn’t the 8500 or 9500 best I remember. I used to have one of the latest CM Escorts that had the latest technology in it and one of the best Passports I used together and they didn’t set each other off. If you pointed them both the same direction though you knew why you had the Passport since it’s K was some better than the Escort although they could both smell X from literally miles away. But since nobody in this state used X it was a moot point once again. Last ticket I got for speeding I was doing 96, saw the trooper and slammed the brakes on my 4WD pickup. He turned the radar on about the time I got to 70 but I was decelerating so fast I knew he couldn’t get a lock. That didn’t stop him from telling me he clocked me at 71 and since I was practically smoking the tires I didn’t argue although I did tell him I was in a hurry.(a friend once got a speeding ticket in his Bimmer and he was so hard on the brakes he blew the left front which the trooper wrote on the ticket) Tough shit that. That was before those mandatory jail time insanities though. At least now you’d have to be going over 100 at the least in this state to qualify since it’s a 25mph over thing. I once pointed out to a trooper my car was lightyears ahead of my loaded truck when it came to stopping, turning or anything else. He allowed how that was right but he still thought my car was too loud although not remotely approaching my truck(turbo’d, no mufflers in sight, straight pipes and never got a look….and I did love to turn it up going under underpasses just to hear that old Cummins howl). He gave me a warning and sent me on my way. Still, I wasn’t pleased to be jacked up for his arbitrary ear.

  2. The escort passport 8500/Bel RX65 are also fine detectors and in my opinion are a little more sensitive on Ka band. They don’t have the awesome arrow feature like the V1, but they are at least $100 less than the V1.

    If you do buy a detector, don’t go cheap. All you’ll have is a false sense of security.

    • ancap, I have never let price dictate my choice of detector. It doesn’t make sense. One ticket and the price is a moot point. I’ve always gone on reviews done by reputable people. If you just need companionship, $30 will get you an inanimate voice. I’ve never had a speaking detector and don’t really care for one. The different sounds combined with lights for signal strength and/or direction and number of bogeys like V1 will do me just fine. I can see the advantage, however slight or great it might be, in networks like CM uses in their high end devices but don’t really consider it a big plus, esp. when I STILL use a CB. The more things change, the more they stay the same. You can not beat instant information from someone who just encountered revenue seeking pork….and they can tell you how many and of what type Where when a detector only know the signals it receives.

      • I agree. Price is moot, but Ka is the most popular band, especially in Idaho where I live and the states surrounding me that I travel most frequently. The V1 is great, but Ka sensitivity are key. More important than the arrows–which I love. Plus you can save some cash.

        Back in 06 I traveled from eastern Idaho to St. George UT and back each weekend for 4 months. I traveled through Central Utah at 90 mph each way on every trip. Never got pulled over once with my escort 8500. Wish it had the arrows, but Valentine has them patented……hate those damn patents. Truthfully, that gets down to the bottom of my problem with Valentine.

    • I agree on don’t go cheap.

      Whether you get a V1 or the 8500 (et al) just so long as you get a top of the line unit. If you avoid even one speeding ticket, the unit will have paid for itself in saved fines and insurance premiums.

      Mine has saved me literally thousands of dollars.

      But more important, it has made driving somewhat enjoyable again. While I am not immune to being caught, my odds of avoiding being caught are much, much better now. Especially with regard to the absolute bullshit tickets. You know: The “64 in a 55” (and “43 in a 35”) kind they love to hand out like confetti.

      A laser jammer, though, would be the cat’s meow.

      • Speakin’ of laser – can’t say as I’ve ever gotten a bona fide laser alarm in these parts, Eric. How ’bout you? Once in awhile something will set it off, but it’s usually just random, no cops around – only happened once or twice on the V1 – scared the crap outta me!

  3. One of my many two wheeled toys was a Kawi KH500 triple. Thrash it into the powerband and then hang on for dear life, hoping the moped inspired suspension keeps you upright.

    One weeknight after I had just installed a new clutch, I decided to take her for a spin to my fave local watering hole down my street, just across the main drag about five blocks away.

    I didn’t stay long (had one beer I believe), and as I left the place about midnight I decided to test the clutch by crossing back over the boulevard on only the rear wheel. Landing safely on the other side, my headlight shone straight into an oncoming pork barrel. Oops!

    Home being only a minute away, and operating 100% on instinct, I continued to flog it down the block, caught a glimpse of bacon flipping in my rearview mirror, whipped a quick left/right into the alley, flipped off the lights, skirted down the alley toward my garage, and tucked it into my neighbor’s driveway alcove an instant before seeing that ham sandwich roll slowly down the side street, fresh off the grill and fuming hot. Haha, too bad!

    • Vince, back in ’73 a friend pulled up to my house, Look at my new bike. Yep, he had a 250 as I recall. Really small bike but he said it was fast. So I take off on it down the dirt road I lived on. Seems like the clutch may have been fully engaged when I started trying to correct my error of too much throttle. What a vengeful little shit it was, just dump your ass if you weren’t way up on it. I didn’t ride it much since I was too hamhanded or too used to 18 wheels. He was doing well over 100 one night making a couple of S curves over a RR track when he lost it and ended up 1/4 mile into a cotton field. He never fixed it, said it was his “fair warning” or something. It did take a while for him to heal. If my GS 1000 had been 4 times as fast as that bike it would have been unrideable.

      • Yep, that was the era of highly uncivilized machines for sure, and Kawasaki always seemed to be on the bleeding edge. I had a similar thrill ride on perhaps that exact same day in ’73, only it was my uncle’s Honda 305 and I was all of 11 years old, holding onto the handlebars for dear life as the bike headed off the dirt path for the tulies with a mind of its own in what was once a very rural Mission Valley area of San Diego, just west of the stadium.

        Another time he was doing some work on a friend’s KH400 with expansion chambers. He asked me if I wanted to hop on the back and go for a ride, and not wanting to look like a wuss I said “sure”. He said to wrap my arms around his waist real tight, and we took off in a block long wheelie, maybe even through second gear, no helmets, gloves, or jacket required. I’m sure that’s what cemented my love for two stroke powerbands right there, yep. Good times!

        As for you friend, 100mph + S curves + train tracks is a recipe for disaster on a modern GP bike, sheesh!

        • I must have an H2.

          A purple ’74 H2.

          It is imperative.

          With reed valves and pipes like the ones on my S1.

          120-plus hp.

          Go vertical in any gear, any time.

          If you dare!

  4. Pork Products, Beef Products, Chicken Products, Assembly line novel products, Blog posting products. It is all Samasara.


    To attain liberation from samsara one must perfect the three higher trainings: self-discipline, meditative concentration, and the wisdom of emptiness. When one understands the empty, non-inherent nature of the self and phenomena. The endless forms of delusion that arise from grasping at true existence are directly eliminated.

    One must first develop meditative concentration; in order to develop and support concentration one should cultivate self-discipline, calming the mind and providing an atmosphere conducive to meditation and reflection. When one practices all three of these to perfection, liberation from samsara is definite


    You are all individual. Unique. Yet mostly individually uniquely samsara.

    You have been wandering since beginningless time in these samsaric worlds in which every being, without exception, has had relations of affection, enmity and indifference with every other being. By seeing all that sameness, that which is your differentness becomes all the more precious and clear.

    • Hi Super,

      Actually, the fact that they’re illegal is an advantage. The cops assume – rightly – that most people are “law abiding” cattle. And so, they assume most people do not have detectors. This makes them – the cops – lazier. They tend to sit by the side of the road (or cruise along) with their radar on (rather than instant-on)… which means better odds for us. Those of us who also play with a stacked deck, that is.

      Sure, there’s still a risk.

      But based on years of “getting away with it,” the risk is well worth the reward!

      I also use a low-profile mount: duct tape, folded on itself (sticky on both sides), used to stick the V1 to the dashtop of whatever car I’m driving. This is impossible to see from outside unless you’re really close to the car. From 50 yards out, forget about it. Plenty of time to grab it, stow it – and drive on

      “F” ’em and feed ’em fish heads.

      It’s not a fair fight – so why fight fair?

  5. My Dad just passed away this past March. He was 92. A true miracle considering how he lived most of those 92 years. My wife put together a scrap book of his life for people to see at his funeral. On the very first page was a local newspaper article from back in 1946. He had just been handed down the highest fine ever paid for speeding in the state of New Hampshire. It was over $100. Five times in one night, he headed in to town doing over 90, knowing that there was a cop parked behind the school. Five times the cop was unable to do anything about it, but he did notice that my Dad had a Maine plate. Knowing he had to head back home sometime, they got him by setting up a road block at the state line. This was all long before the days of radar. In 2006, I was bringing him to one of his doctor’s appointments a couple hours away. We were in his new Ford Fusion. He told me to, “give er sum”, so I bumped her up to 90. He got a little irritated and told me, “NO! Give er sum!”, so I brought her up to 120. He smiled and said, “pretty smooth, huh!” A year later, after the Doc made him give up his license, his car just sat in the driveway. A buddy of mine told me he passed my Dad driving the other way going like a bat out of hell, and I said, “really?”. I asked Dad about it, and he didn’t try to deny it. Said he wanted a couple of hot dogs and was just taking a little ride up to the takeout. This account has nothing to do with radar detectors, but it just goes to show that the “need for speed” never dies. He was a character. I miss him.

    • Dano, great story. My dad also drove like a bat and hated cops. If he’d lived, he’d be 91 now and probably still driving fast. He loved driving across west Tx. and NM since he rarely saw a B&W. I borrowed his new ’94 Chevy pickup one day to make a flying run before the vet closed to get some bull semen. Right outside town it shut off like it had hit a wall, scared hell out of me till it came back on, damned governors(of any kind). I told him about it when I got back. He just looked disgusted and said Those SOB’s, meaning GM and their Nazi speed limiters.

  6. I’ve never had really fast cars, but have managed well with the ones I’ve had. Once I was driving my staid Peugeot 504 sedan at a sprightly 85 mph on I-5 southbound through Camp Pendleton, between Orange and San Diego Counties in So Calif. Four lanes each way through the base, no ramps, for several miles. Was weaving traffic pretty well, checking the mirror. Oh my goodness, there is a Black and White way back there, also weaving traffic, pacing me. That was before their days of radar being acceptible as a confiscation tool. He was pacing me to get a clock of my speed. I moved left, passed a decent sized car, moved right, and again, in front of a tractor and dry van rig, still going fast. Slowed a bit in front of the rig, then when I was sure the Chippie was in the fourth or third lane, quickly moved right one, then onto the shoulder, where I madly braked to a full stop, pulled the bonnet release, jumped out, grabbing a gallon jug of water as I left, and was standing in front of the car pouring water into the rad as he passed, two lanes over. He looked me over hard, decided I was not the culprit, and kept going. I waited another fifteen seconds or so, closed the bonnet, got back in, and very sedately motored along in the far right lane… never saw him again.

    A few years later I was driving my VERY fast (comparitively) MGA roadster along the short stretch of four lane freeway headed back home… a small lmill town just a few miles in from the coast in Northern California. I was blasting along at over 90, enjoying the balmy clear night, about a mile and a half from my offramp. Chip was headed the other way, judged my speed accurately, I watched as he hit brakes to slow and jump through the divider. As he was making the turn, I doused ALL the lights, poured on more throttle, entered the sweeping and rising left hand turn, thus putting dirt between he and me. I could almost hear his Dodge 440 screaming in agony as he flogged it to catch up. My ramp was on the outside of that rising sweeper, I dropped throttle to slow a bit, entered the ramp in a drift, hit the straight and turned off the key to kill the stoplamps; braked hard for the sharp right at the end of the ramp, key on for power, turned onto the highway back into town, made the first right turn into the bushes outside of town, took a couple of back roads, found a friend’s house and drove into his backyard, still lights out. He peered out the window, I said Hi Mac, I’ll come get it in the morning”, he said OK and went back to sleep. I walked the ten blocks or so home, sauntering as if I’d all the time in the world. I’d left the keys in the car, so they weren’t even on me. I saw that copper cruising the streets of that town as I walked, heard him for another half hour as he looked, certain that white thing had turned into the town. Next morning I went back to see Mac, told him my tale, he laughed and said “nice work”. CHP rarely ever got off the freeways and into town, so they didn’t know the local vehicles. EVERYONE in town knew what I drove… and how. Clean job, that one.

    • Dear Tionoco,

      “I was driving my VERY fast (comparitively) MGA roadster… ”

      I loved that car. I drove a neighbor’s MGA once for a short hop. Never forgot how it felt. Those old late 50s, early 60s British roadsters were great. You didn’t have to drive like a maniac to get an adrenaline rush. Just tooling along felt plenty fast with the engine growl and wind noise.

      MG should never have replaced it with the MGB. The 50s era wasp waist body design was the cat’s meow. All the old British roadsters with that general body shape were great, including the Jaguar XK150 and the Triumph TR3.

      Ditto Italian roadsters such as the Bandini-Maserati 1500, the Siata 208s, the Ferrari 250 GT Spyder.

      • Dear Tionoco,

        By the way, “very fast” for the time was 0 to 60 in 16.0 seconds.

        MG MGA Wiki entry:

        An early open car tested by British magazine The Motor in 1955 had a top speed of 97.8 mph (157.4 km/h) and could accelerate from 0–60 mph (97 km/h) in 16.0 seconds. A fuel consumption of 26.7 miles per imperial gallon (10.6 L/100 km; 22.2 mpg-US) was recorded. The test car cost £844 including taxes.[2]

        Not a slam. I have always felt that perceived speed matters more than actual speed.

    • Tionico, great story and probably not your only one like it. I suspect there are hundreds if not thousands of those on this site if everyone would just spill. I had a switch for my brake lights and one for my running lights. They were hidden right around the bottom of the dash. I used those to great benefit on several occasions.

  7. My finest speeding ticket was one I got in France for doing the equivilent of 120 in an 80.
    It took Le Flic about 5 miles to catch me and gleefully issue a speeding ticket.
    I handed him my English license,he copied down all the details and 5 days later I emigrated to the States.
    (Big mistake- the other job offer was in Switzerland).

  8. I’m watching a news report here of a riot in Missouri where a supposedly unarmed BLACK dude was shot dead by cops. If it were a WHITE dude, I suspect no riot and no Obummer talking about it as usual. Guess who the racists are?

    • The people looting are animals. The shooting was just their excuse to steal/destroy stuff. Or rather, the stuff of people (store owners, etc.) who had nothing whatsoever to do with the killing. Now, had they – the rioters – had themselves a pork luau … that would be another matter.

  9. Take a picture of your V1 setup on the bike, please. I’d like to see how you have it rigged. I love my V1 in the car, but never took it out on the bike because I’m not sure how to get it on there.

  10. Escaping cops even on a road well-known by yourself is still a tall order, although in the suburbs I managed to escape several times on a slowish K100RT back in the early 90’s. It’s a matter of rapid decision-making, reflexes and zigzags then park behind a tall hedge or some other obstruction. here in Oz they don’t have the cash to call out a chopper to hunt us down.

    A few decades ago, they used Cessna’s and painted lines on the country highways 500m apart to calculate your speed and radio to the oink waiting on the road ahead of you. It didn’t last long as the cost was too high, but they still maintain the road markings and signs feigning aerial speed detection.

    I’ve always found it easier to escape in the ‘burbs, since open roads have few obstructions. But on that note, 20 years ago most new commuter cars were chipped to 160k’s max, but the cop cars of the same ilk naturally were re-chipped so they could chase as fast as they like, regardless the laws (guidelines?) stating they couldn’t pursue over 120k’s..

    The last time I was fangin’ it through the country roads here I passed a cop at well over 180 on my CBR with plenty of open road in front. Considering I was already at speed and nigh impossible for the cop to have read the plate, a mere 0.5 second calculation and a squeeze of the throttle later I was well over 240. About 3 k’s later I found salvation in the form of a fire trail. Took about 20 secs to slow the bike and make the u-turn, but managed to stow the bike in the shrubs and after about 30 secs waiting the cop whizzed by.

    I did this on the BM one night coming back to the country barracks 20 years ago, where the cops always sat in the same spot between the freeway lanes with their radar. I was only doing about 140 and then I seen him. He was beginning to pull out and I was only about 1k from my exit.

    A quick squirt up the rise to 180 between 2 side by side cars and take the offramp, hang a quick left onto a dirt service trail which I knew of, switch off all lights and watch the cop hammer (in those days, “hammering” the XF Falcon cop cars was about 160 anyway) past me over the bridge with all lights ablaze, probably sniggering like sheriff Roscoe with Flash riding shotgun. Fool. I rode the same distinctive ex-cop BM in the area for years after and was never pulled over and questioned about the incident. Maybe lucky it was night.

    If you’re in a car you’re pretty much cooked IMHO, unless ya got something real special going on, like the Dodge M4S Turbo Interceptor from The Wraith, but now we’re dreaming 😉

  11. lost the original thread, but Texas DPS gets all its biometric gear from NEC Corporation. A metric fukton of gear is being purchased by them every year, likewise everywhere else in the unitedState I’m sure. This crap ain’t cheap either.

    Portable DNA Analyzer

    More NEC solutions: (you’ll be getting this for Obamacare)

    Civil ID

    National / State IDVoter IDDriver License
    Criminal ID

    Criminal AFIS Jail ID
    Security Force Management
    Border Control

    ScreeningBorder Control Terminals
    Consumer ID

    Banking IDHealthcare IDRetail ID
    Security Solutions

    • Tor, I said $500B when it’s $500M but that’s in over and above the usual amounts. Nuthin halfass for the DPS, never has been, always the latest radar or whatever.

      • Well down below there’s some links in that regard.

        That’s my Stockholm strategy. Whenever I start to sweat my captivity, I leave the cell and venture out into the courtyard to gather some nice shiny links to line my cage with. Never in a thousands years, will I be able to read and digest them all. But it helps me cope.

        Capture bonding evolutionary psychology hypothetical construct

        The hypothesis is that ancient humans, usually female, were commonly and often violently captured from one tribe by another. Those who had the psychological traits that led them to socially reorient after a few days to their captors and bond with them and get on with living survived to pass on the trait. Those who continued to resist, because they didn’t have this trait, often may not have reproduced.

        — — — —
        TX DPS quietly launched the biometric program this year without public announcement because such a public notice would have touched off a debate about the program’s legality.

        Welcome to AFIS citizen. No one messes with Texas. I have opened your file. Now I will calculate and adjudicate your crimes.

        NEC website says their biometrics solution creates powerful new mobile identification weapon for state, county and local law enforcement to fight crime across Texas

        NEC 2012 Revenue ¥3.036 trillion. Headquarters Shiba, Minato, Tokyo, Japan

        Proposed legislation, SB 945, is gonna require the Texas Department of Public Safety (DPS) to collect biometric information on every Texan who obtains or renews their driver’s license. SB 945 expands DPS’s use of this information to any purpose requiring “identity authentification” — and allows the sharing of this information to other government agencies.

        Texas Residents: Stop the Cataloguing of Texans! – ACLU

        Border Security and Texas Budget Crisis

        • Tor, thanks. I’m going to pass this along. I am completely alone when it comes to knowledge of this. I try to tell someone I know and they give some pat response. A good friend’s son recently had his dogs murdered right outside his yard in a town of 13,000 by a rogue occifer, circa 101st airborne or something. Both dogs loved people and when he called, they came running right to him. Occifer safety he said, feared for his life. Another occifer on the scene urged his son to keep after he city council and the new police chief since he said the offending occifer was a threat to everyone, one of those trigger happy types, any port in a storm sort so he shoots dogs if no human will scare him. This friend supports the cops though even after that. I finally quit trying to get through to him…..and he’s the very person they’d target with half a reason. I don’t get it. His airhead wife gets it up more than he does.

          • No problem eight.

            I don’t know that much really, it’s like I smarten for few minutes when I come across something, and I seem plausibly informed, but later on, it all mostly trickles back out and I’m not that much more enlightened than before I poked my head into a new rabbit hole and let whatever was in there sink in temporarily.

            I’ve entered a new age of doublethinking, I’d say. This site is a PHP MySql relational database I can mentally escape into and try to filter out and ignore all the bells and whizzbangs and just see the articles, comments, and myriad links out into the great beyond. Slice and dice them all by day, month, year, topic, title, author, key word, and so much more.

            A sort of automated doublethinking timewasting machine, that makes this crushing captivity not quite so onerous.

            The Sirius Corp built this website and all of the internet for you to Share and Enjoy (Hitchikers guide ref.)

            It was very easy to be blinded to the essential uselessness of Sirius Cybernetics Corp products by the sense of achievement you got from getting them to work at all. In other words – and this is the rock solid principle on which the whole of the Corporation’s Galaxy-wide success is founded – their fundamental design flaws are completely hidden by their superficial design flaws.

            Daddy makes daughter promise him

            No more forced captivity, today this cat’s learned to open doors, tomorrow his friend Toonces is coming over to teach him to drive. Then he’s taking to the open road.

            You don’t remember me, but I remember you

            Help wanted: humans need not apply

          • Tor, I hope Blacky the cat never learns to operate Blackie the pickup. The only saving grace is it’s a manual shift. OTOH, it’s a diesel so he only needs to master second and OD….scary. Blacky’s contemplating CJ who is getting bent because of it. I think they were both considering fried chicken but it’s hard to say. Maybe CJ was thinking of Blacky driving Blackie with CJ in the back seat. There’s collusion afoot.

          • Tor, I recall years old postings you made. I’ve become convinced you employ at least 4 people who all collaborate and post from your IP address. You produce postings faster than I can read them.

          • Dear 8sm,

            Years I took a screenwriting class at UCLA. A student asked the instructor, a moderately successful writer of TV movies, about Stephen King.

            The instructor joked “Stephen King isn’t a person. He’s team of about a dozen writers hammering away at their keyboards.

            • Morning, Bevin!

              I’ve never understood this. A guy like King – successful, financially secure – who (apparently) allows his name/reputation to be used over ghostwritten books. Maybe he’s greedy. Or just under contract to do this.

          • Dear Eric,

            I have to say that I never did find out whether the instructor was being literal or merely joking.

            I’m still not sure. The reason being there have been authors that are incredibly prolific. They actually do knock out one story after another in machine gun succession.

            Is King one of those? I really don’t know.

  12. eric, that’s good advice and I take it myself on the rare occasion I drive something with 2 or 4 wheels. The feds outlawed detectors in commercial vehicles decades ago as I’m sure you know. If one suspects you of using one, it’s goodbye detector(at least “some” detector), hello at least one ticket, moving violation and then a good working over with the reg book on your truck while you piss in a cup or if they want to in this state, forcibly take blood. Sucks the big one.

    • when I was driving a big truck I installed the radar detector inside the external speaker for the CB

      most every truck driver has an external speaker for the CB so you can hear it better,

      so I hollowed out the speaker case and installed the BEL inside then installed a 12v output on the back of the CB and then killing the bird dog was as easy as switching off the CB

      I grew up in a rural area and also ditched a few speed cops , the sheriffs dept only had 2 deputies, neither had radar, and the deputies also didnt care about 12 yr olds riding dirt biks on the highway, they didnt care that you had no DL, no ins, and no tag, as long as you wernt doing a wheelie on the wrong side of the road or something really stupid,

      the highway patrol did care, when yo met a state trooper , you didnt even have to look back , you knew he was hunting a place to turn around, so you;d just hit the first ditch or cow pasture and go where his car couldnt.

      I also ditched em a few times in my car, we;d be doing say 70 or so in a 55 and meet a trooper, see his brake lights, so we;d floor it for about a mile, then turn around, and floor it again, so when the trooper turned around and was back up to max speed, about 110 (most of the roads were curvy) we;d meet him again only with both of us going much faster than before.

      then we;d hit a side road that we knew about and the trooper didnt since we lived a couple miles away, and the trooper worked 3 counties,

      note: this doesnt work if you have a distinctive car. after I sold my generic tan 4 door impala for a midnight blue 66 Thunderbird, I had to give up those kinds of tricks,

      although one day Im riding with a friend in his Peugeot 505 non turbo diesel, and a trooper turns around on him, and he floors it, Im yelling at him that he aint ever gonna outrun a cop car in this turd,

      he crests the next hill, screeches into the Ford dealer, whips into the front row and we watch the trooper roar past…

      • Dear Justin,

        “note: this doesnt work if you have a distinctive car. after I sold my generic tan 4 door impala for a midnight blue 66 Thunderbird, I had to give up those kinds of tricks,”


      • Justin, a buddy had a new 70 SS396 and brand new Michelin radials. He met a state trooper who knew him and turned around to give it to him. It had just rained a lot and the dirt roads were deep red mud. He took off on one up a hill and the trooper did too. The SS went to the top of the hill and they all got out and looked down at the stuck DPS 3/8ths mile away, pissed, got another beer, burned one and then puttered on off into the sticks. It was right outside of a small town so plenty people witnessed it and that made it all the more better.

        • One of my best such experiences went as follows:

          The wife and I were headed into town for some eats. I was cruising along at about 70 on a rural highway (one lane, each way) posted 55. A guy in a late model Ram truck bore down on me – for reasons I’ll never know, perhaps because I was driving a brand-new/high-end car with out-of-state (and funky) “manufacturer” tags.

          Well, this guy began to ride my ass – notwithstanding that I was operating 15 MPH over the posted limit. So I cranked it up to 100 to put some air between us. This only served to enrage – or arouse? – the Ram guy, who gunned his truck and followed in “hot pursuit.” He was prolly 50 yards behind me as I entered a curve – not sharp, but curvy enough that one could not see the road beyond until one cleared the curve. Just as I did clear it – with the truck just entering the curve – what do I see coming at me in the opposite direction?

          Mr. State Police Man!

          He immediately lights his wig-wags. But, alas – for him – there is no room to turn around. He has to continue for another 100 yards or so, to a driveway up ahead, then turn in and turn around.

          I floor the accelerator.

          In my rearview, I see Mr. Ram Truck exiting the turn, just as Mr. State Police Man is slowing to make his turn.

          I stop looking back – and make tracks.

          Applying the Prime Directive of this little game, I do not take the first right-hand turn. I take the second one. Which I know will loop me back toward home, and the safety of our 16 acres in The Woods.

          I flog that car like a slave in a Roman galley and get us there in about 6 minutes (10-15 at normal speed). Ditch the car behind an outbuilding, just in case.

          Then, we get in another car – and head back out for eats, the same way we were originally headed. Shortly – just beyond the point at which I left Mr. State Trooper stomping his trotters in the mud – there is a roadblock. Several cops. They “check” everyone’s license. I smile, hand him mine. He glances at it, hands it back – sends us on our way.

          It took all my dark powers to suppress a laugh!

          And: I never found out whether Mr. Ram truck got caught or escaped the noose, like us.

          • A road block to find a speeder? VA has some serious problems.

            I have a story that has a couple of these elements. I am driving along in my ’97 Mustang on a two lane road that’s well not in the best condition. I am proceeding at the PSL. This is not enough for an SUV driver who gets on my ass. I slow. This angers him. I speed up and catch a green for my right turn. I move through it probably slowing back down to the PSL. Now my modified (for handling and braking) Mustang took the corner fast but appearing normal to an observer a good distance away, I accelerate out of the turn but then slow because…

            I see a cop at the gas station down the block. I check my speed… 40mph. Good. The PSL. However the SUV driver… well he tried to follow me through the right turn at speed…. his truck goes wide… into the oncoming lane of the road and he’s trying to catch up. This the cop notices. Last I see the SUV driver is being pulled over. I just kept driving and got on the interstate (as I planned). I continued going through that town every week for quite some time, nothing ever happened.

            When I get a tailgater I love curves, ramps, etc. I just take them without slowing down then watching the idiot tailgater start struggling and falling back. It’s hilarious.

            • Oh yeah!

              Remember: It wasn’t mere;y “speeding.” It was “reckless” driving – and “evading,” too!

              Great story on the Mustang vs. SUV. Such people (the SUV driver) know how to push down on the accelerator.

              And that’s about all.

        • RE: “The SS went to the top of the hill and they all got out and looked down at the stuck DPS 3/8ths mile away, pissed, got another beer, burned one and then puttered on off into the sticks.”

          Mang, that’s beautiful.

          …So Very, Amer-i-can.

      • Dear 8sm,

        I love hearing these stories.

        That said, I can’t help feeling a deeper sense of dismay.

        Ever since I got wise to the Myth of Authority, the question that haunts me the most is “Why in the hell did we ever agree to a system to begin with?”

        “Why did we ever believe that granting others absolute power over us would ever ensure our liberty or safety?”

        “Why were we so frigging stupid?”

        And by we, I mean the general public in every country on earth.

        • “Why in the hell did we ever agree to a system to begin with?”

          None of us did…..

          Myth of Authority is correct. Nobody has ever been able to show me the document I signed agreeing to be ruled by others. Since most of the western world derives it’s law from Common Law and dealings between entities and persons are governed by Contract Law, without a contract, all claims of control and ownership are invalid. Not that the government ‘legal’ system gives a shit about legality, they have the guns and the public morons that cheers their own enslavement.

          • Dear Me2,

            Correct. We didn’t actually.

            Although what we did has the same result. We acquiesced to it onece it was put in place.

            Those who “founded nations” and “authored constitutions” achieved a fait accompli, an accomplished fact. They then conned their contemporaries and later generations into acquiescing to it, even though none of us actually signed on the dotted line. As I like to say, “The social contract is not worth the paper it isn’t printed on.”

            The problem of course, is that the long con, once it has gathered steam, acquires a momentum of its own, and becomes very difficult to stop, let alone bring down. Too many people have become indoctrinated and perceive anyone who tries to tell them they are being victimized as their enemy.

            To wit:
            Morpheus explains what is the matrix

          • “…derives it’s law from Common Law…”

            See Common Law Grand Jury movement: DUTY OF THE “COMMON LAW” GRAND JURY – If anyone’s unalienable rights have been violated, or removed, without a legal sentence of their peers, from their lands, home, liberties or lawful right, we [the twenty-five] shall straightway restore them. And if a dispute shall arise concerning this matter it shall be settled according to the judgment of the twenty-five Grand Jurors, the sureties of the peace. MAGNA CARTA, JUNE 15, A.D. 1215, 52. http://www.nationallibertyalliance.org/

          • The situation is even worse than that Bevin and Me2.
            The next 2 paragraphs point toward religous questions which are not wanted here. The unwanters should just skip over them, and the wanters should e-mail me privately or/and leave no more than a link here in reply that doesn’t include the same text that has been recycled for thousands of years. (IMO).
            I happen to believe that our world was created by a being of some sort. I used to believe in the biblegod that I was raised up to believe, but the inconsistancies became too humongous. I then prayed to my Creator and asked that He recognise my dilemma with the understanding that I accept His son as my Saviour if He exists no matter what. My Spirit was at great peace afterward. That having been said: I am a logic-seeking person by nature. The reason for my bringing up mainstream Americans religious beliefs is because I cannot see a way to bring about the discussion of mankinds origin without at least a brief mention of religion.
            Question: Why would a loving God create nearly all mammals to living a life of frolic and to enjoy life (until stricken with disease, predation, or other causes of death) while creating a being resembling Himself that must remain lifelong in constant denial of so-called sinful desires or else spend eternitiy burning painfully in flames?
            I find the fact that humans are the only beings with warm blood that hits/beats their own offspring (or wives) to be at odds with nature! A more rational alternative existed with our hunter-gatherer ancestors: (scroll down to the Habitat and Population section if you are in a hurry. Also of interest is the following article: . Also; natural egalitianism: .
            The dawn of agriculturism seems to have occurred at the same time as writing. With the dawn of agriculture: Children were apparently forced to get up and to work hard during key times of the year. Nature did not prepare the human race to work as slaves on command by others. Suddenly; human adults had to force their offspring to become punctual, and violence leading up to pontentially all-out child abuse became ‘normal’. Some abused children therefore developed a hunger for power over others because the most powerful people excaped personal violence more often, and thus was Statism born!
            Early man got up in the morning and went hunting and gathering food. Children naturally followed them just like they still try to do. Babies had skin to skin contact with their mother or other family members until they were around 2 years old, and almost never cried.

            The dawn of agriculture therefore has been both a blessing and a curse for humankind. We can certainly improve upon this situation if we try to!

            • Hi Brian,

              I have suspected for years that the “human origins” story is very different from that told by either mainstream religious texts or mainstream scientific/evolutionary texts. Indeed, I suspect the Bible (and the much older texts/traditions on which is it clearly based) may well prove to be a rough-hewn history, if you like, of our engineering – not by a supernatural god or gods – but by beings that appeared as gods to our ancestors. The “men of renown” and “giants” spoken of, for example, in the NT.

              Viewed from this perspective, the odd language of the Bible (and related texts) begins to make a great deal more sense.

              Christianity might well be a sort of cargo cult.

  13. Time to mount HARM missiles on our cars. 😀

    Instant-on – Instant launch – near-instant fiery death and pig BBQ.

    I’m hungry now….

  14. I saw a successful ditch-’em strategy executed several years ago. A Plymouth Laser (remember those?) I was following crested a hill and got hit by an instant-on. He had a detector too, and floored it down the other side. He crested the next hill, hit the brakes, and turned into a muffler shop. He was behind the business and parked by the time the cop passed me and caught up (Crown Vics don’t accelerate fast with all the cop-gear on them).

    As the cop went by, I saw the car driver exit, lock the car, and start walking away. Deniability, he haz it.

    • chiph, I’ve done that myself more than once. I was with a friend in a new Crown Vic demonstrator he was driving while they worked on his Mustang 11 Turbo. We met a B&W doing about 90 so he just floored it. Back in those days DPS cars were slow as molasses so we got about a mile and a half on the guy while he was turning around. We whipped into the dealership and ducked behind a wall where we both got out and were talking to the shop manager when the DPS went by……and then my buddy said “Shit, wish I hadn’t thrown out that joint” to which I replied “Like this one?”. A different car, a couple sixes later and it was all good. We drove dirt roads 60 miles home just to be at ease. I detest parts of the country that don’t have backroads and N of me we run into that problem at times.


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