BMW Clover

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Rolled up behind a BMW Clover the other day. Despite his “ultimate driving machine,” this “driver” apparently fears driving the speed limit – or even within 5 MPH of the speed limit:

Which boggles me.

I mean, why bother?

Why buy a BMW? Or any vehicle with similar power/capability? Is there anything more absurd than a Clover in a 240-plus hp “performance” vehicle that never actually performs? Why not just buy a Corolla? Or – better yet – a circa 1983 Aries K-Car?

It has all the speed a Clover needs.

Ah, but not the look-at-me status a Clover craves.

It’s such a shame that cars formerly marketed to – and mostly bought by – people interested in driving are now mostly marketed to (and bought by) Clovers.

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  1. My ex says that all BMWs come standard with a drivers side douchebag. 🙂
    Mind you, my 1985 325e is an automatic, thankfully the older and more reliable one, as most mid-late 80’s beamers were notorious for such issues, and it has to be an auto not for lack of skill, but rather nerve damage and a cyborg leg precludes using a decent manual.
    I *might* be able to manage the old three on a tree, on a good day, but four-and-more would leave me wheels up in a ditch somewhere, alas.

    But anyways, as far as Beamer pushers being jerks, someone recently did a (probably not very scientific) study recently and yep, BMW drivers clocked in at number one, much to the amusement of my ex, till I pointed out Prius pushers clocked in at number two – guess which one she owns ?
    I will say that the Prius IIC is probably the best of the breed there, having driven it while she was on vacation – still a bit heavier than it oughta be for all them mandatory gewjaws, but for a hair under 20k and a hybrid with decent mileage it ain’t half bad – it FEELS wimpy though, even though it could probably hand my old Beamer its arse.

    I think that’s part of the problem though, these days, we’ve made driving FEEL too safe, too easy, and it makes people too comfortable and inattentive, which in combination with the natural personality flaws inspired by our society turns them into Clovers – no fear of that pushing my old M3 though, I won’t say it tries to kill you like some cars do, but you had BETTER be paying attention if you drive it, yes.

  2. This is purely anecdotal but when I used to drive trucks I came to notice that in the big cities during morning rush hours it appeared to me that from 6 – 8 am, and although there was heavy congestion, traffic would still seem to move along fairly smoothly.

    But from 8 – 9 am that is when everything would go mindlessly “accordion”.

    Not trying to go “class warfare” here but is this “observed” phenomena due to blue collar guys (BCGs) being better drivers than the nine to fivers? Would that be because the BCG’s had older, less valuable cars and therefore did not care as much?

    Has anyone else noticed this pattern or was I just still hungover on too many mornings?

  3. Amazing. I didn’t buy my 335i for it’s status, I bought it because it just about equals the C5 Corvette it replaced and has a back seat as well.
    I promise to try to make up for the clover driving the BMW, and will never ever get in anyone’s way.
    Guess I’m a bad influence, because the wife just replaced her Civic with a G37 Coupe, and yes, she drives it like it was made to be driven….

  4. Ever since my first car, I’ve pushed the boundaries of what it could do. I’m the guy who goes onto a highway on-ramp trying to make sure I’m at highway speed by the time I hit the end, if not before. Even if that on-ramp is one of those silly loops; tires at the edge of squealing all the way. I was cutting the apex of turns as fast as I could in my little 4 cylinder Ram 50. Why? Because I drive with a purpose. Even if that purpose is to just drive.
    When I see people driving a ‘performance’ car at sub-performance levels, I just shake my head and know they have more money than brains.

    • Dear Gabe,

      “When I see people driving a ‘performance’ car at sub-performance levels, I just shake my head and know they have more money than brains.”

      Given the number of poseurs with more dollars than sense, you must shake your head a lot.

        • Haha.. Nice one Gabe. Only one thing can come of driving as you and I both do – knowing the outer limits of yourself and your machine – far better than some 90% of people on the highways.

          Hard and fast driving/biking on a regular basis encourages faster reflexes and deeper focus.

          Keep up the good work.

  5. Just after the batteries went dead in my camera this morning a BMW driver pulls out from a side road in front of me. Lots of space… no problem so long as he accelerates at even a small fraction of his car’s capabilities. Nope. Within several seconds I am braking to avoid hitting this fine German ultimate driving machine. Finally the idiot gets a clue and gets up to the PSL. Then when the road opens up to four lanes (left turn-straight-straight-right turn) from one, this guy finds his BMW has the ability to accelerate. Because of course, none shall pass. Thankfully he was turning right and I was turning left.

  6. That’s why you rarely find a bmw with a manual trans anymore either. That’s why the service techs and service folks can’t drive a stick anymore. No one knows how.

    How ironic to go to the “ultimate driving machine” dealer and find out that no one can move you car out of the service bay to deliver back to you…cause they can’t find anyone who can operate a stick.


    • my 2013 M3 and 2014 M6 are both manuals. Had to order both. The M6 with 600hp and a six speed manual is a monster but heavy. I will stop buying sports cars if/when they delete the manual option. I want to be “part” of the car, it’s nexus. Not just steering and riding on top so to speak.

        • It’s a trend and an easy sell. Once Ferrari started the flappy paddle shifters in their production cars it was the way to go. Lots of flashy numbers -my car shifts in .2 seconds(!) that really don’t matter except when bragging about your car, one tranny makes it easier to produce, and electronic controls are the norm anyway. Heck, my F-150 work truck could have flappy-paddle shifters if Ford wanted a “sports truck” model, it’s just two (electronic) buttons (it has an up/down lever on the “gear selector”).

          Someone will figure out that even though they aren’t as efficient or exotic, we miss them. Then the’ll come to their senses and bring back the real manual transmission. Maybe Mazda?

          • Paddle shifters… if I wanted to play a video game I would play a video game. If I want to drive a car I’ll drive a car. And that’s my big objection to what cars are becoming… video games.

        • eric, I had to make a quick 670 mile double trip this morning…and afternoon. I pulled a 58+mph average loaded(over)and something faster than that(didn’t figure it)deadheading. This is a typical day for me lately and I’m damned tired of it. I have to use a backhoe to load myself for my for both runs but it counts timewise in both 345 mile runs.

          My point is I’m out there every day, will be tomorrow for another load but a single this time. I see all sorts of cars and drivers. A brand new car that its driver recently almost cost me my life came in the form of a Mercedes. This isn’t uncommon either. For several years now I have noticed, and appreciated bimmer drivers. Pick one brand car and it’s BMW drivers who actually drive and don’t fuck up.

          I’m prone to pushing people to get out of my way in a one ton diesel pickup pulling a big trailer so I appreciate those who will just GTF outta the way and not cause me to lock my brakes for their stupid crap they do. I’m even more prone to wanting people to think I’ll just squash their stupid butts in a big rig. I never have but use lights, bright beams and flashing to get them out of the way. I have no compunction at all to not use an air horn and to be honest, wish I could use the chrome horn nearly every day. My point is, if there is one brand of car I have the least problems with their drivers, it is without a doubt, bimmer drivers. Right now my biggest problems come in the form of full size GM, Ford, Dodge and Toyota pickups. They put just any idiot in them in the patch and have them do their worst. I need to sleep tonight so I won’t even get started on water haulers……MF’s……stupid asses in a big rig.

          • @8 – Not all, but that is not always a bad thing.

            The driver and a passenger of a stolen BMW were killed early Friday when the speeding car crashed into a big rig in Madera County, the California Highway Patrol reported. The sports car was taken at gunpoint earlier in the week in Oakland, the CHP said.

            The collision took place about 2 a.m. According to the CHP, the male driver and female passenger in the 2008 BMW 128i were southbound at a high rate of speed in the fast lane when they came up on a Freightliner driven by Thomas M. Weaver, 50, of Dos Palos just south of Avenue 18 1/2. Weaver said he was going about 55 mph in the slow lane.

            The BMW unexpectedly swerved into the back of the big rig, then rolled several times. The CHP said neither person in the BMW was wearing a seat belt; both were thrown onto the highway.

            The car was taken from the owner at a car wash near Lake Merritt. There was no immediate information concerning the identity of the man and woman and whether they were suspected of being the robbers.

            Monday, the Madera County Sheriff’s Office announced that the driver had been identified as Omar Jason Spencer, 27, of Oakland. The woman had not yet been identified.

            Read more here:

          • Hi Eight,

            I agree with you… if the BMW is an older one… or an M.

            But – anecdotally – I have found that Clovers just love 5s and 7s, and especially the X3 and X5. The same “type” tends to buy them that also buys Benz E550s… and drive the speeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed limit in the left lane.

          • EIGHT, my road nemesis was – and still is – the vile mini-van!

            Usually operated (certainly not driven) by a woman, these road manatees should be made extinct. They are moron magnets.

            And Volvos are not too far behind either, IMHO.

            • Ever drive one? They’ll turn a good driver into a crappy one. The one I drove, a dodge/Chrysler product… Damn thing was rewarding cloverian driving and punishing any effort to drive properly.

      • CRAIG, “I want to be ‘part’ of the car, it’s nexus.”

        Must disagree, I want the car to be a part of me.

        And when I am on the road I am a predator – a Wolverine on Blue Sky meth.

    • Dear Damon,

      Well said!

      The only upside to this is that probably most car thieves would find themselves unable to drive your car away during a theft attempt.

      Alas, the downside is worse. Manual cars will no longer be available at all.

    • About two years ago I was following an 01 or 02 BMW Z3 (3.0L) thru town, a service tech was flogging it a bit so I followed him. Trolled him at a stop to “get on it” when the light went green then took him by half a car from 0-50 mph in my fuggin Buick. Tech says he missed second gear, lol. I would have heard if he missed a gear – windows down and all. Love it when people get butthurt when losing to a “slower” car.

  7. C-lover driving on the DC belchway is sideswiped by an 18-wheeler when he inattentively wanders out of his lane. He’s sitting on the shoulder throwing a tantrum – jumping up and down yelling “My BMW, my BMW!”
    Stranger stops and says, “Forget the car, your left arm has been amputated.”
    C-lover changes rant to “My Rolex! My Rolex!”

    • Actually some manual sales are on the rise. A manual should be treated like a convertible option. Some people just want them for the pleasure. See the challenger 60/40 split in favor of the manual.


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