Is it something in the water? Or something in the Needle?
Every other driver suddenly seems to have difficulty driving close to the speed limit. I just encountered one doing 38 or so on a road with a 55 MPH speed limit. That’s 15 MPH slower than the legal limit and at least 20 below the actual normal flow of traffic.
It was not an ancient glaucomic oldster, either. It was a young woman behind the wheel, staring vacantly ahead of her as I blitzed past her, having had enough of her wasting my time.
I’ve had an unusual number of these Close Encounters of the Slow Kind lately – including one with another not-oldster who decided to do no speed at all – by coming to a dead stop in the middle of the road because of a bicyclist up ahead. Or rather, because it was – apparently – too hairy a task to drive past a bicycle on the road.
Just yesterday, I was following a car on a curvy road at below the speed limit (35 MPH) whose driver not only couldn’t keep his car in the travel lane at that speed, he swung so wide in every curve such that a third to half of his car was across the double yellow and in the opposing travel lane.
I can keep my car in the travel lane using my knees to steer. This is not to brag; my point is it’s not that hard to keep a car in between the painted lines unless you’re completely drunk or addled by some other thing.
Yet it seems more and more not-drunk people are having a difficult time managing this – and other basics, such as not stopping in the middle of the road.
This sort of ineptitude has of course always been a hazard of driving but it seems to have become much more common just like that.
A month ago, I generally encountered “drivers” such as those described above once or twice a week. Suddenly – beginning about two weeks ago – I am encountering them every time I go for a drive.
They crawl into the road ahead of you; they never reach the posted speed limit. They just sort of drift along aimlessly, preoccupied with . . . something other than driving.
It’s as if they are in a fog.
Which interests me because that was just the word used by the bank teller who apologized for inadvertently gave me $1,000 extra when I cashed a check a month or so ago. That is a rare thing for a bank teller to do. Their job is to focus on what they’re giving out and talking in, checking and double checking to make sure the numbers are right.
But she had just received “her” Holy Anointing (it’s another interesting thing that these Anointings are reflexively referred to by those Anointed in the possessive). She told me she’d been having difficulty concentrating since her Anointing.
This is being reported by others who’ve been Anointed. Just covered much by the Fear Organs that endlessly, hysterically covered “the cases! the cases!”
Now there are videos of the Anointed freezing – like animatronic dolls glitching. They stop mid-sentence; some stop walking. They just stand there. Like the guy who jus stopped in the middle of the road. It’s as if their processors are no longer processing.
Call it the Holy Afterglow.
The “virus” was never a general threat. But it could be an unprecedented threat now that – according to news coverage – something like half or more of the country has received “their” Holy Anointing.
Their brains were already in a fog, before their Anointing. Proof of that being their willingness to be Anointed. What straight-thinking person voluntarily joins a religious cult and submits their body to strange religious rituals, such as the injection of strange chemicals – to “protect” them against an obviously exaggerated threat?
Well, it assumes straight thinking and therein lies the problem. They weren’t.
And now, they’re behind the wheel.
And they are everywhere.
. . .
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