Elevators and EeeeeVeeeeeees

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EeeeeeVeeees – especially Teslas – are very quick. But the experience is detached and anodyne. It quickly gets old. Or rather, nothing particularly exciting.

The best parallel example I can summon is the experience of riding the high-speed elevators at the ex-WTC towers in NYC, which I did a number of times before the Towers were dropped.

At first – if you’ve never been in a high-speed elevator before – Wow! They jump 10 floors almost as fast as I just typed this sentence. But the next day? The initial excitement is less. It wanes with each ride. By the end of the week it’s nothing special anymore. It’s just an elevator. Push the button, there you are. Forgotten as soon as the doors close behind you.

EeeeeeeVeeees are a lot like elevators. Both make very little noise and both are powered by electricity. They perform the task of moving you with alacrity – and very little else. Up and down. Whoop-dee-do. Th experience doesn’t vary much and that’s just what you’d expect because, after all, they are all essentially the same. Because how would you make an elevator – or an EeeeeeeVeeee – different? Electricity varies in power, voltage and amps. Some electric motors are larger and stronger than others. Some batteries are larger and higher capacity.

Some elevators go up 100 floors faster than some go up 10.

At the end of the day, an elevator is just an elevator and an EeeeeeVeeee is just another EeeeeeVeeeee.

Now, my ancient Trans-Am is nowhere near as quick as a new Tesla Plaid. It gets to 60 in maybe six seconds or so vs. less than half that.

But every time I fire up the 455, the whole car shakes, the scoop does its nervous dance and you can see the air door on the scoop edging open under the strain of the vacuum pull. When you floor it and the secondaries flop open, it sounds like Hell developed a sinkhole and it’s going to suck down the entire atmosphere. It does not get to 60 in 2.9 seconds, like a Tesla Plaid, in part because it spends so much time spinning its rear tires, leaving greasy black stripes all over the road and clouds of acrid smoke in its wake.

The Tesla “hooks up” much better because it is all-wheel-drive, which prevents its tires from spinning. There are no greasy stripes or clouds of smoke – and the Tesla’s driver doesn’t need to work to keep the car straight by countersteering and feathering the throttle. Instead he just pushes a button – as in an elevator – and before you know it, he’s reached the 110th floor.

It is something anyone can do – which quickly detracts from the Wow! factor of doing it. Keeping the Trans-Am straight is neither easy nor assured. The thing is dangerous – in the wrong hands – and therein lies a great deal of the appeal. There was a time when fast cars were not for squids – a motorcycle term for riders who can’t, really. They are the ones you see riding fast sport bikes fast – in a straight line. Come the curves, you see them slow down.

There was a time when fast bikes were also dangerous – in the straights – in the wrong hands. It kept the squids away from bikes like the Kaw H2 750 of the ’70s, which were very dangerous in the hands of squids. They had kick-start and oil-injection you had to remember to keep topped off else the rabid weed-whacker two-stroke triple would lock up on you at 130 and that would quickly end your ride – and possibly you.

No such worries on an electric motorcycle – which of course is no such thing in the first place. Such a thing is a scooter, no matter what it is trying to look like. A two-wheeled elevator.

Just push the button and go.

Back to the Trans-Am. Just trundling along, there is a comforting bass rumble you feel in your bones. Idling at a stop light, rumpety-rump. The sound amplified by the echo of the walls of the drive-thru, as opposed to an amplifier piping ersatz sounds through the speakers.

No EeeeeeeeeeeVeeeeeeee is capable of producing these sounds – or feelings. It is why I have no more feelings for EeeeeeeeeeVeeeees than I have for elevators – and cannot understand why anyone would.

. . .

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  1. Pushers of the CO2, global warming, switch to EV’s narrative, are helping ter,,ro,,rists.

    The globalist/communist, davos, WEF, klaus schwab NWO gang have gone insane

    This gang with their CO2, global warming lies, wants to kill off all hydrocarbon fuel use and go to 100% solar and wind turbine for an energy source, you will starve and freeze to death.

    This same great reset WEF, NWO gang say you will own nothing, eat bugs and be happy.

    They want to stop all hydrocarbon use, now they have become terr,,or,,ists, blowing up pipelines. Anybody enabling/helping this gang with their CO2, global warming lies, is helping a ter,,ro,,rist.

    If you destroy all the infastructure for hydrocarbon production/use it pushes the price of hydrocarbon fuel far higher, making it easier to sell their highly dangerous, defective, expensive, EV replacements for ice vehicles.


  2. Even though I have come to hate Audi, I still can’t get over my A8. I will be selling it at some point (around when the extended warranty expires) but I tell you that, when those turbos kick in that BRAAAAAWN sound it makes is super awesome. Not nearly as cool as the quadrajet moan in that video but it is the coolest I’ve ever owned personally. And unfortunately, given the way things are going, will probably be the last very cool car that I own in my life.

    I don’t care what an EV will do. If it’s going to be EV or walk, well I’ll begrudgingly get the cheapest one and it’ll never be cool. Those Teslas or even the $200K Cadillac EVs… they just don’t do it for me. I don’t care how quick/fast or how much HP equivalent they have, the thrill just isn’t there. They are just really fancy golf carts and will never be anything more than that to me. I’d rather have a go-cart with a Briggs & Stratton TBH.

    • Amen, EM –

      I have loved speedy cars all my life. I cannot summon an iota of interest in EeeeeeeeeVeeeees, no matter how speedy. Because they are not interesting, no matter how speedy. The same thing, over and over – in a different shape. The same electronic homogeniety. Much as I like having electric lights in the house, who gets excited about changing out an old wall outlet for a new one?

  3. Eric: No EeeeeeeeeeeVeeeeeeee is capable of producing these sounds – or feelings.

    Didn’t you mention a few weeks ago that the new Charger EV would have some gadget that would make it sound louder than a Hell Cat? Of course the only feelings you will have eventually will be one of shame in the falseness of the whole thing. It says a lot about our society when we refuse to see what’s happening before our own eyes.

    Steppen Wolf’s “Born to be Wild” is a good driving song and totally not fake.

  4. They claim the plaid is the quickest production car, these guys did a real world test on a real world road surface and found out it is lie……..

    The Bugatti Chiron with one gas engine is quicker then the Tesla Plaid with three motors, gas engine wins. the Plaid is slower.

    Plus the Plaid has horrible brakes it could barely stop at the end of the runway, start racing it and the Plaid falls down.

    In regular mode the plaid is slow and it takes too long to put in launch mode, so you can’t race at lights, so what good is it?

    In the half mile the plaid is really slow, it has no top end like the super/hypercars do.

    The plaid is quick 0 to 60…….. average for quick cars in the 1/4 mile, but very slow in 1/2 mile, electric motors run out of power in top end, half way to maximum rpm they start losing power, they are all about low end torque only,

    they always talk about tesla 0 to 60, their only strong point, in every other way they are horrible, bad brakes, horrible on corners, no sound, boring as hell, look horrible, very plain looking, bad quality control, take hours to charge, very short range, catch fire, they never mention how slow they are in the 1/2 mile or longer race.

    If they only advertised how slow they are in the 1/2 mile nobody would buy them…lol…or how they have zero lateral acceleration, horrible on corners, they are far too heavy, a 5000 lb pig can’t corner…..it is like a huge truck….lol

    ICE powered car wins.


  5. This ice powered car is way quicker then the tesla plaid….lol

    A tuned Audi RS3 is way quicker then a tesla plaid…

    A brand new Audi RS 3 starts off at a base price of $56,200 in the USA, MSRP.

    You can buy and tune an RS 3 for less then a tesla plaid and it is quicker, this RS 3 ran an 8.4 second quarter mile. 0 to 60 1.3 seconds. 3000 lb 1100 hp.

    This RS 3 is a better solution then buying a 5000 lb. tesla plaid. ice cars are better then EV’s.
    The RS 3 you can actually hear, feel and smell, the sound of this thing is wild, EV’s are dead no emotion or fun.


    the sound of this thing is insane, listen at 2:52 in video…

    swap this engine into your Porsche 924/944 or Cobra or Lotus…or into a tesla, then it might be fast…..lol…

    get the same performance as the RS3, quicker then any car anywhere, including all the hypercars, supercars……..

    • My (2021) Bronco will never beat a Tesla, and that’s alright with me

      It has more soul, charm and a Manual transmission, all of which a Douchella will never have. My Bronco wont have fart sounds either and it’s interior is more interesting than the Douchella’s sole screen could ever be.

      Now to figure out the Christmas light setup for this year

  6. 0 to 60 is only 5% of the driving experience, EV’s have nothing else to offer…

    Cars that have a great sound track, just like good music, lifts your soul.

    The new EV’s are dead, boring, lifeless, silent like a morgue, the sound of death.

    Driving or buying a car is an emotional thing.

    Hearing the car is 25% of the driving experience, see, hear, feel, smell….connect.

    If you have been to a live car race and have stood by the start line, as the cars are waiting for the flag to drop, the sound of the engines revving goes right through your body, it is a very emotional experience you will never forget. EV races will be dead like a morgue.

    The new ice cars are missing 50% to 75% of the driving experience, you can’t feel them, the driving experience is completly isolated, numb, like a video game, totally disconnected and you almost can’t hear them, a lot of them seeing them is a dead experience too, because they all look the same, are bland, have no emotion, under the hood the same problem, they are just an appliance. Was this done intentionally to kill them off, make EV’s easier to sell?

    EV’s are missing 95% of the driving experience, maybe they are good for dead/near dead people…lol
    At least the Porsche Taycan and Rimac EV have a nice design, are interesting to look at.

    People don’t buy EV’s voluntarily, they must be forced,

    EV manufacturers know there is a problem, now they are piping in fake sound…lol…after 13 years and billions of dollars (tax payer’s dollars) of marketing hype EV’s still only have 3% of the market, a huge failure….lol

    With the expensive EV’s you get good linear acceleration only half of the linear/lateral acceleration experience, so you get half that experience, about 5% of the total driving experience, but miss the other 95%, a one dimensional experience gets boring fast…..a waste of a lot of money.

    Here is some great sounding ice engine cars


  7. “When you floor it and the secondaries flop open, it sounds like Hell developed a sinkhole and it’s going to suck down the entire atmosphere.”

    Priceless, Eric! Reading your work is often such a treat. 🙂

  8. Eric,
    Great analogy!
    Ironically, I remember taking one of my nieces to the WTC in 1983. We just stopped in, as we were passing by- and I took her to ride one of the high-speed express elevators. The irony is, that there was a just-debuted C4 Corvette on display in the lobby (About the only Corvette iteration I ever remotely cared for)…which of course is more toward the opposite end of the car spectrum than the loathsome Tesla- but I never made the connection between fast elevators and fast cars…until you mentioned it in this article!

    Only, unlike the push-button elevator….the C4 could be driven; and unlike the Tesla, the C4 was capable of providing the requisite sounds and smells and vibrations, although farts had to be provided manually by the occupants.

    • Thanks, Nunz!

      I know I may be screaming into the wind, but I’d rather do that than go gentle into the goodnight. I take my inspiration from the battleship Scharnhorst, which fought like a lion and fired until it couldn’t fire anymore. It went down with honor. I don’t intend to go down, though!

      • Eric,
        Reminding me of a line from the movie Serendipity.
        “Are you prepared to die for that belief?” “Yes. But it ain’t exactly plan A” as Mal shoots the “operative”.

  9. Transportation isn’t supposed to be interesting. It is supposed to get people or cargo from one point to another…

    Life’s a journey, not a destination. Most of my memories of vacations are about getting there, not what happened when I got there. In fact, most destinations for pleasure are purpose built and dull. Desinations for work just involve work, a four letter word. But getting there, that’s the fun part.

    • “Any traveler who misses the journey misses about all they are going to get”
      -William Least Heat-Moon

      I think this is why I became a loner early-on. People I knew would want to go somewhere, and the ‘somewhere’ was always a tedious bore and great waste of time. I was only interested in the trip to and from, as that was the good part. I quickly learned to stop paying the price of having to endure the destinations, and to just make the trips. No one else wanted to do that. My joy increased greatly by taking solo trips and being free to take indirect routes, and explore along the way, and not having the downside of having to endure wasted hours at some destination. I can do without deeing the arrowheads in the glass case and the over-priced sugar-water (soda) and greasy food, which is all the same, whether one buys it around the corner or 150 miles away from some guy in a costume.

      • Nunzio,
        Indeed, there is only one destination, and we are all headed there. It’s called death. Before death the journey is all there is.

        • Amen, John!
          I mourn that so many waste that journey! I have been extremely blessed in that I realized at an early age that time is our most valuable commodity, and ought to be used extremely wisely. I have had quite a trip thus far! No amount of money could compensate for what I would have missed.

  10. In re electric scooters and sloth: anyone who lives in or visits a larger city may notice electric scooters scattered about. A hop on, hop off venture where infantile adults rent – via app, of course – an electric child’s toy and traverse city streets and sidewalks while standing on the scooter platform. Zooom! Weeeee! Then, just leave it where you want whenever you are done with it. Later in the day, a van will collect them for their recharge and redeployment early the next day. Can’t be bothered to walk, just need a low grade Segway or upgrade from their wheeled sneakers.

    And, honorable mention is the kissing cousin – the electrified bicycle. Now with peddle assist to help fat slobs move up a hill.

    • Hi BAC,

      We have the electrified children’s toys here in the Roanoke area, too. I see them scattered – literally – all over the place. This is the future they have in mind for us. Wheeeeeeee!

      • Here in small town America as well. They are an eye sore and seldom work as evident by people trying to rent through the app. People often mistake the scooter for having the ability to overcome the Laws of Physics, which trump traffic laws..always.

  11. I’ve seen commercials for pickups that supposedly “assist” with backing a trailer. Do these things work? If they do, it might spell the end of my favorite pastime at the campground: watching dudes trying to back their rigs into a campsite with the wife alongside yelling “Mawm-back! Mawm-back! No, left! No, right! No, the other right! Noooooo!”
    On the positive side, if this technology works, the divorce rate among RVers should plummet.

    • Hi Roland,

      If that happens head down to the lake. Hours of entertainment watching guys trying to get their boat on the trailer after hanging out and drinking all day. 😁

    • Hi Roland,

      Yep – they have it. It curdles my milk. If you can’t back up a trailer, you have no business pulling one. I loathe this trend of disabling adults by have “technology” do everything for them.

    • A great many need such, if they intend to ever back up a trailer. My Ex was one of them. She simply could not interpret what she saw in the mirror when she was backing up. We had been out on the Missouri river running and baiting trotlines most of the day, me doing most of the work, and subsequently quite tired, and when we got back to the ramp I asked her if she thought she could back the trailer down the ramp, and I would load it. “Sure”, she said. And promptly jackknifed the trailer.

  12. ‘an electric motorcycle … is a scooter’ — eric

    Speaking of electric scooters, it’s been a tough debut month for LiveWire, as it shed 28% of its value in a stomach-churning slide from 10.00 to 7.18 per share.

    If not for the already-listed SPAC which bought it from H-D, LVWR could not have issued publicly-traded shares without disclosing its sales (in dollars and units) and income. Instead, punters will have to wait till January to see LVWR’s first quarterly report.

    How many e-bikes will LVWR sell, compared to the rumbling V-twin real thing still made by Harley Davidson?

    If LVWR’s adoption rate is anything like the Ford F-150 Lightning, its unit sales likely will be only a single-digit percentage of its ICE cousins. But check out this breathless PR spin:

    ‘The [S2 Del Mar] is already proving to be highly desirable with customers. Reservation deposits for the 100 Launch Edition versions of the S2 Del Mar are already sold out, a spokesperson said, having been snatched up in just 18 minutes.’


    Dozens sold in 18 minutes! And wait-list customers are clamoring for more!

    Get in on the ground floor, folks … while supplies last. /sarc

    • Hi Jim,

      As a guy who has been into bikes for decades and who has many friends who ride, I cannot imagine a “transition” to electric scooters (they are not motorcycles) ever getting anywhere. Bikes are not appliances, as cars fundamentally are (much as I love ’em). People who ride are deliberately choosing to get from A to B in a manner that requires much more skill and attention than it takes to drive. It is precisely why people ride rather than drive – especially when you factor in the fact that, on a bike, you are exposed to weather as well as exposed – to cars.

      An electric “bike” would be akin to eating a “steak” made out of soy. One that is pre-cut into little bites for you – and spoon fed to you, too.

  13. Noticed a well kept light blue late 60s Camaro in my gym parking lot and now when the driver (older guy of course) pulls in its quite a fun spectacle. Rumpetty rump, loud rumble as it glides thru the lot. You can hear it half a mile away. Love it!

    • Hi RS,

      That was almost me! It was beautiful here last week (terrible now, steady rain and cold). I decided to leave the press car and take my Trans-Am down to the gym. Every single time I take that thing out, I remember why I like cars. Driving the new ones makes me forget…

  14. Eric, I’m curious: Do you have a keyboard shortcut set up to type all those E’s and V’s? 😄

    The obvious crux of our current predicament is that consumers have not expressed a preference for EVs; loudmouth Chicken Little politicians are trying to force them on us. We have lots of elevators and appliances because free people decided that they preferred them over climbing stairs and toasting bread on a stick.

  15. I am absolutely terrified of elevators. I will voluntarily walk up 15 flights of stairs before getting on any elevator. I have found most buildings today will lock the stairwell doors so you are no longer able to climb the steps for “safety”. Safety from what? Exercise? EVs are also forced on us. There has to be a connection. 😉

    • Think about it RG. If you were Big Elevator, that would force more people to avoid exercise, making them fatter, requiring periodic installation of larger elevators with higher load capacities over time. It’s a can’t-lose!

        • Hi RG, I second that, I got stuck in a hotel elevator with a crowd of people years ago. Never again. Now I request a low floor and make sure the stairs are accessible and you won’t get locked into the stairwell.

          • Hi Mike,

            That is my greatest fear – getting stuck in an elevator. I hate small spaces. I think I watched Speed with Keanu too many times. I have been known to climb eleven flights of stairs and called clients to come open the stairwell door for me. I remember the client made fun of me until three weeks later she was in the elevator leaving for the day and the elevator suddenly jerked and stopped for a minute. She said everyone on it screamed (even the guys). She now understands my apprehension.

              • Publius, speaking of the walker industry, a while back I noticed that Walmart now sells tennis balls made specifically to be used on walker legs. No more relying on your athletic friends for floor protection.

    • ‘I will voluntarily walk up 15 flights of stairs before getting on any elevator.’ — Raider Girl

      Supposedly the psychic Edgar Cayce declined to enter a crowded elevator, just before the cable snapped, taking all inside to their doom.

      He expressed his insight in curiously indirect terms: ‘I looked at their faces and saw they didn’t have a future.’

      Wonder what ol’ Edgar would say today about the spectral simulacrum of “Joe Biden”?

      • I used to travel to VA Beach for work years ago.
        I regret not stopping by the Edgar Cayce’s A.R.E. Association for Research and Enlightenment building on Atlantic Avenue.
        I passed by it on numerous occasions.

    • RG, decades ago on one local TV station’s Newsmakers program, they had a segment at the end that they called the Dumb Award. Irony was often an ingredient. One day they gave the Dumb Award to the Otis Elevator Company for having its world headquarters in a one-story building. I drove by there a few weeks later and sure enough, it was!

    • Me too! Especially the elevators in smaller office buildings where you know if it gets stuck on a weekend you will be trapped for hours in there. The kicker was reading about a poor man in the WTC who was trapped one of the elevators. Terrible story.

    • RG,
      That is commonly known as a phobia. Irrational fear. You are far more likely to be hurt or killed falling down a stairway than riding an elevator. Which may be why the stairways are locked.
      It’s been a decade or two, but I once read that the very first electric motors in the US that powered elevators are STILL IN SERVICE. In Atlanta, in the unlikely event I remember correctly. Nothing wrong with electric motors, as long as they can be plugged into a reliable power source.

  16. EVs, and unfortunately most ICVs, are totally automatic. No driver input required. As long as you don’t enter a curve too fast for it to compensate, your “traction control” will keep you from approaching the car’s limits, much less exceed them. You can’t change lanes into another car, because the sensor (censor?) won’t let you. You can text while driving because the “lane keep assist” will keep you from running off the road or crossing the center line, and “brake assist” and automatic cruise control will keep you from running up the ass of the car in front. Is it any wonder that a great many “drivers” aren’t driving at all? Too much “safety” is just as dangerous, if not more so, than no “safety”. Except the safety which resides between your ears.


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