Clover Clues

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Dealing effectively with Clovers – inept, inconsiderate motorists (I won’t call them drivers) – requires identifying potential Clovers so as to take steps to avoid and evade them as quickly as possible. So what are the Signs?

* Certain cars seem to be inherently Cloverish –

Beware of PT Cruisers (especially PT Cruisers with fake fender portholes), the Prius hybrid (and hybrids generally), stereotypical Geezermobiles (older Buicks and Cadillacs and Lincolns). It is almost a physical law that you’ll find a Clover behind the wheel. Minivans. Volvos.

Enough said.

* Stickers – 

Not all stickers. But definitely those fambly stick figure stickers you see on minivans and SmooVees. Guaranteed Clover. Also, anytime you see yellow ribbons, prepare to see red. And – oddly enough – if you see a car with NASCAR stuff all over it, it’s a sure bet the driver’s a Clover. I have no idea why – but it’s axiomatic.  Another dead giveaway: An Obama (or old McCain-Palin) sticker. And: AARP or AAA.

Equals – Clover.

* Behavior –

You can learn to pick out Clovers by observing traffic. You will begin to notice patterns. The car that’s slowing – rather than accelerating – as it enters the merge ramp. Its “driver” inert – listening to the radio, staring emptily ahead… assuming other cars will just make room for him. The car ahead that brakes for no obvious reason – or whose “driver” seems incapable of not driving on the shoulder in even the most gradual curve. And of course, ye shall know him (0r her) by their most typical and defining behavior – driving a few MPH below the already ridiculous speed limit and never, ever taking notice of other traffic behind him (or her) that’s clearly interested in moving faster. A Clover will never move over. He/she will squat in the far left lane on the highway – or become the oblivious head of a snake of cars, winding its way tortuously, slowly, to its eventual destination – never once even thinking about maybe pulling off or over to let those “speeders” get by.

* Action –

The good news is that Clovers can be dispatched just like any dumb, slow-moving animal. Clovers do not expect other drivers to exercise initiative, so when you do, it takes them a critical second or three to digest what you’re doing and by the time they do, you should be gone.

Here’s a scenario: You are coming up on a Clover ahead – a purple PT Cruiser with plastic chrome portholes and an AARP sticker on the back. It is lumbering along, drifting left, then right, at 47 MPH on the 55 MPH (and everyone actually drives 65) road. Ease up on him gradually. Don’t rush him or crowd him. Let him think you are one of the Tribe – or at least, don’t arouse his suspicion that you’re not. Wait for your opportunity. That open stretch just ahead, with the clear lines of sight. Now. Punch it. No halfway measures. Summon every horse under the hood  and blow past the Clover before he even notices what you’re doing until it’s already done. He may flash his high beams at you. He may honk his horn. This will be most enjoyable. To know he’s furious – and that you just left him in your wake.

Bye-bye, Clover!

Watch the cars bunching up at  that red light ahead. Try to pick out the potential Clovers – and don’t get behind them, if you can avoid it. Pick out likely non-Clover cars to get behind. Always leave yourself room enough to maneuver. When the light goes green, be prepared to take advantage of any opening. Here again, it is easy to get the drop on Clovers – provided you don’t give away your intentions ahead of time. If you have a manual-equipped car, don’t roll back in ready-to-launch mode (until it’s time to launch). Try to look Cloverish yourself. Fiddle with the radio; stare into space. Don’t look impatient.

Then, when the moment arrives, seize it!

Never, ever give a Clover a break. It’s only fair. Clovers never give us a break.  If you see a Clover up ahead attempting to “merge” (as described earlier) do not take pity; do not make room. If you do, you will regret it – very quickly. It’s a guaranteed sure-fire thing that he’ll either plant himself in front of you at 5 under the limit, cruise control racing the car in the adjacent lane from light to light to eternity (or what will feel like an eternity to you, at any rate). Or he will slam on the brakes at the next light at the first sign of yellow. Or you’ll be stuck behind him at the “right on red only” – which he will passively obey even if it lasts for 10 minutes and even if there’s no opposing traffic in sight.

Clovers are the enemy of competent drivers everywhere and should be dealt with accordingly.

Ideally, before they even have a chance to know what just happened.

PS: To see Clovers in situ, check out our videos. Or submit your own!

Throw it in the Woods?

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136 COMMENTS

  1. I didn’t read all the comments, so forgive me if I am repeating something someone else has discovered. I have done extensive research (i.e., paid attention) during my decades of driving and have found an almost certain sign of a Clover is those small convex mirrors attached to the more-than-adequate side-view mirrors already on the vehicle.

  2. This is a clover article – stupid stereotyping. You should stick to facts Eric and not drift lanes into throwing specific makes of car into your la-la land of bad drivers. You dropped a few pegs in my mind. Really dumb stuff.

    • Tom, Eric never has had any common sense. His site is all about aggressive driving and road rage. With such people common sense does not matter. It is all about feelings and such people are always in anger about something. If you would see some of the videos of them driving you would want them off the road. They feel that they have the right and obligation to put others in danger.

        • Yes with all the videos posted recently, dozens of them, there was not a single video of someone driving 45 mph in a 55 mph zone in the left lane or under the speed limit for that matter. The truth does not matter though to Eric. It is all about aggressive driving and road rage. If someone slows them down by a few seconds they get furious. They should know better than to do something like that to people that get road rage without any reason at all. It is OK for the road rage person to drive poorly and dangerously. They have the excuse that others drive badly so they need to keep up.

          • Pretty cool that among all your other talents you’re also a video analysis expert. What is it you do for a living that affords you the time to become an expert in so many fields?

          • I don’t think BrentP, Eric, or myself ever demonstrate road rage. We just pass your dumb ass on the roads and get on with our lives. You just can’t get around the fact we don’t care about your kind. You are a parasite. You’re worse than a maggot. Just stay in the right lane, mind your business, and we have no problems.

            • Yup.

              I never tailgate, crowd or cut people off. I do drive much faster than the posted limit. I will pass a slow-poke. I often turn right on red, if the way is obviously clear – “the law” be damned. Etc.

              Probably you and Brent and others here are just like that.

              So, what Clover objects to is not that we are actually causing him or anyone else harm. It just drives him batshit that we don’t hew to his way of doing things; that we use our own judgment; that we ignore “the law” when “the law” is stupid or at odds with our rights.

              Right, Clover?

            • A scenario:

              Imagine being punished, or yelled at, if as a sixth grader you knew that 3×3 = 9 and didn’t need to work it out on paper but “just did it.”

              That’s the same as a Clover freaking out when you pass his ass on the road!

            • We figure he’s either one of those trolls who gets paid to infiltrate freedom-minded/anti-authoritarian sites likes this or he’s just a standard troll – some flatulent retired government “worker” who hasn’t got much else to do.

          • Rooney, I resent the way that they drive. yellow passing lines and limited visibility in passing means nothing. I do not think it is a good thing to risk the lives of others just so they can say ““the law” be damned.” . When someone drives in a dangerous manner in which there are thousands of accidents and hundreds if not thousands of deaths with such behavior then I believe it is wrong. Eric and Dom and Brent and others think it is their right and obligation to endanger others.

          • Clover is the kind of guy that will honk at you and flash his lights when you pass. If you make your intentions known to him he’ll do anything he can to block your ass.

            • Clover, you haven’t seen anything other than videos which you then interpret according to your own feelings, not objective facts.

              Bu we do have the evidentiary record of your mewlings here, which objectively show that you equate “the law” with safe driving – ipso facto – even though “the law” is often obviously absurd or deliberately contrived to put otherwise reasonable drivers in the position of either obeying idiotic laws (speed limits, no right on red, passing zones painted over for no good reason, etc.) or becoming the objects of “revenue enhancement” for ignoring said idiotic laws and exercising their own good judgment.

              But lets get to CVs, Clover. I’d like to know what qualifies you to render any judgment at all on the subject? Do you have any formal training? Any unusual experience? No. Just your endlessly arrogant, uninformed opinions based on your petty feelings

              You are a laughingstock. Do you know that we only let your posts through for their amusement value? To illustrate the simple-mindedness of your type?

          • Clover, verdict has been in for a long time now. Nobody really cares about your input. I’ll take your attacks on my driving as a compliment because you don’t know how to drive. I have seven registered street vehicles, all in good to excellent shape. Here’s something for you to chew on. I have an old hot rod too. Only take it out every couple months, but when I do man do I get on it. When the highway is open I won’t hesitate to take it past 125mph. Tell you what. Next time I do I’ll get a video of that for you too!

          • @dom, in re Clover: “You’re worse than a maggot”. Frankly dom, comparing Clover to a maggot is bad form. Maggots do indeed serve the useful purpose of breaking down carrion and feces, thereby removing this unsanitary detritus from the landscape. Clover, on the other hand, does not appear to serve any other purpose than to set an example of how we should not act. I find it amusing when it comes up with obvious bovine hyperbole such as accusing its superiors of “road rage” for exercising common sense and not bowing down to “the letter of the law”. No, Clover doesn’t deserve maggot status. Clover is better equated to a crab louse.

          • @Boothe It’s amazing to me that he honestly believes the things he says. How the hell do clovers make it once out of mom and dad’s house? Ya’ll reckon he still lives with mom and dad? I’m betting he does.

          • Dom, as near as I can tell the only way Clovers ever get out of mom and dad’s basement is because there are government jobs. About the time I was due to get out of the Air Force, my Senior Enlisted Career Advisor (the USAF euphemism for Uber Clover, a.k.a. “lifer”) paid me a visit. He explained to me how tough it was in the civilian world (this was 1981), I wouldn’t be able to get a job, I already had 4 years in, ad nauseam. I explained to him that I didn’t need mother Air Force to feed me, clothe me, house me or wipe my ass…and I certainly didn’t want to end up going to the NCO club every night to drink a couple of pitchers of beer so I could face going home to a woman that hated me (which pretty much summed up his life).

            As Clovers usually do when confronted with the truth, he got really pissed. He shook his stubby little finger at me and said “You’ll see! You’ll be back! You won’t make it three months on the outside!” A typical blow-hard Clover if ever there was one. I called down to the base about a year later so I could tell the little toad that I’d already paid more in taxes than he’d made as an E-7. But they’d already sent his pot-bellied ass to Korea. What a shame…for the Koreans that is. I’ll bet our Keynesian, authoritarian, all knowing, infinitely wise Clover is a retired lifer (and probably an admin officer to boot). Rather than wondering how he escaped his momma’s basement, I’m more curious how he even learned to wipe his own ass without a mirror, a flashlight and a tech manual.

  3. Do people who intentionally, audibly arm their factory car alarm when they see me sitting in my car at walmart qualify as clovers? I’m only asking as it happens a couple of times a week now as I’m drinking more now and walmart is the closest booze outlet. Unfortunately, I can no longer muster the clover tolerance to enter their haven and wait in the car while the wife risks her life in there with their little clovermobiles. I mean it was cool to have the audible alarm as recently as 20 years ago. As a theif I don’t think I’d be eyeballing the family 98 minivan as a source of anything worthy of snatching even if it wasn’t in a walmart parking lot. What criminal is bucking for a misdemeanor? (Under 500 dollar value)

    • I’m guessing they get a sense of security from it. Dunno though.. I think most car alarms make that noise when you lock it, or maybe they are double checking. If they are just cycling the panic button thingy on the remote I would say for sure that is cloverish.

  4. I drive for a living. I can tell you that bad behavoir has no gender or age, it has no ethnicity or brand either.

    The best I can hope for as one that spends the better part of 40 hours a week driving is to stay far away from everyone. So it doesnt matter that the exec in the BMW has an important text to respond to and nearly runs off the raod. Or the 20 something texting in the fast lane at 50 mph, or the “traffic cop”, a non-cop who is at the speed limit in the fact lanem cause, well thats the law!!!!

    Or countless other infractions. Most people have the common sense to stay out of the way… except… LOTS of people like to travel in the fast lane. They will not move over unless its to cut in front of you as they nearly miss their exit.

    Merging is often a mess. KEEP AWAY FROM MERGING VEHICLES!!! YOU never know what will happen. Once you are far away from any danger, you can have fun observing and then shaking your head in amazement that anyone would do that.

    Beware impared drivers!! Driving erratically? STAY AWAY1!.. It might be drunk, it might be watching a movie, does not matter. THey will look up, realize that they are missing their exit and turn suddenly into you.

    I could go on and on. I have not had an accident in the three years I have been doing this, thank god, tho I came close a few times. And getting angry makes it even worse!

    Be careful out there!

  5. Another Clover gig that I’ve not seen addressed here is this:

    If you hit your horn at a Clover — you know, if they’re stargazing at the green or drifting over into your lane or any of the other myriad things they do to piss you off — the *first* thing they do is look in the rearview to see who honked at them. Who did that! Ha, it was YOU! They could be headed over a cliff, but for them the priority is to locate the source of the horn, instead of correcting the thing and *then* looking.

    • Yesterday, it happened (again). There is a left turn (yield at green) into my gym. I swear, most people are addled by drugs. The light goes green (arrow) and it takes the car ahead at least a few seconds to notice, then another few seconds for that to translate into motion. And if they don’t have the arrow, they’ll just sit there, staring into space or gabbling away on dey sail fawns. I had to honk at one of those yesterday. No traffic coming; green light (but no arrow). The Clover just sat there. I laid it on – and the first thing the Clover did was look at me in his rearview. Then he grudgingly cleared the intersection.

      At least I was pumped up for my workout!

  6. Just a little FYI re the minivans and SUVS with the stick figure family decals on the back windows. Federal Marshals like to take lots of ballistic vested, helmet wearing Big Bodies along when they go on raids. For this reason, they have some minivans and Tahoe class SUVs in their fleets. And they “love” to affix those stick figure families to their back windows. Seriously. The only tipoff is that their windows will be heavily tinted…way beyond any legal limit.

    So next time, before you express your anti clover rage on some minivan…..check those windows first.

  7. It’s important to understand that PT Cruisers are popular among Baby Boomers. Boomers ludicrously want to relive their pasts, especially when it comes to their fuzzy memories of muscle cars and hot rods (which most of them never owned). So they buy pathetic saccharin substitutes like PT Cruisers and Dodge Vipers. And American Boomers are the most self-absorbed, least libertarian group in human history. Self absorbtion plus lack of concern for the liberty of others plus aging reflexes equals CLOVERS.

    • Hey Jeff,

      I think you’re on to something there… the Boomers (a great many of them, anyhow) appear to take liberty for granted – and assume that you can have socialism (or fascism) and still have liberty. In this way, they are a lot like Lenin’s useful idiots. They don’t grasp that principles matter – and that (as an example) if you accept the principle that it’s ok to take someone’s else’s money for this “noble purpose” then you have opened the door to taking everyone’s money for any “noble purpose.” And so on.

      • Careful there Rev. Peters; some of us here are boomers (even if borderline). First Blake tars Gail’s Crown Vic with the cloverian brush and now we’re stereotyping boomers? Egad! It’s just one step from euthanizing us! What’s this site coming to? 😉

        • Amen. Nothing borderline about my boomer credentials, Boothe. I guess we must patiently wait for some of our fellow posters to mature sufficiently to develop the wisdom and insight that eschew generational generalizations. The youngsters can’t all be so narrow-minded, can they?

          • Ain’t it the truth? Born in 52!

            That being said, too many of the kids in the schools I went to believed the tripe they were being sold. I got so sick of it I dropped out of school. I got my GED after I retired in 09 at the age of 57.

        • Boothe:

          Eric’s column started out about cloverish cars and sterotypical geezermobiles, and in general, far more geezers than non-geezers drive Crown Vics.

          If I happen to have a choice of geting behind a Crown Vic or another more “youthful” type of car at a red light, I’ll go with the young whippersnapper looking car.

          Sometimes, I might be wrong. However, most geezers (but not all) can’t seem to accelerate to 5 under the absurdly low posted limit within even a half mile.

          The Crown Vic as sterotypical geezermobile is a an accurate statement. I offer no apologies for it.

          I will not make the leap that boomer necessarily = geezer. I think of geezers as 70+. Ron Paul may be a geezer, but he’s definitely no clover. He might even drive a Crown Vic!

          Does anybody here know what Ron Paul drives?

          Since this is a libertarian website, devoted to INDIVIDUAL liberty, I doubt anyone will make the leap of the collectivization of all old people into one group to be euthanized.

          This would be very un-libertarian 😉

          I run across clovers of every age – and I doubt that will ever change.

          • Thanks, Blake – that’s it exactly.

            Generalizations aren’t pernicious provided you go in with the understanding that there are exceptions to the rule. As you say, if I am coming up to a red light and there is a Crown Vic in the left lane with an old person driving it and almost any other type of car in the right lane, the odds (based on my experience) are that when the light goes green, the car in the right lane will accelerate more quickly and so give you the first opportunity to pass them both. Not always – because not all older Crown Vic drivers drive like Clovers. But yes, most of the time.

          • Gee whiz, Blake, my post was only intended to be humorous. Before you start Mithrandir, that means levity not the bone in the upper arm(“youth in Asia” I love it!). This reminds me of when my ex got pregnant; I was only poking fun, she was the one that took me seriously….

            • I think everything’s kopacetic!

              Sometimes, text posts don’t convey nuance –

              But, as Blake said, I am confident most of us here know that most of us (Clover excepted) aren’t group-thinkers.

              Speaking of which: Clover is going to love today’s rant….

          • Whew! Had me worried that maybe Blake was taking me seriously. I don’t even take myself seriously and certainly don’t want anyone else making that mistake. 😉

  8. This is a clover from the LA area. His cloverism cost his son his life.
    from KTLA.com

    SACRAMENTO— Joe Chanthavong and Melinda Phouglonghong say their 4-year-old son Ryan Chanthavong loved to sing and read, and constantly had a smile on his face.

    Sunday night, the parents were all tears.

    Ryan died Saturday afternoon when he and his parents were ejected from their Honda Accord after they say they were trying to elude a driver with an episode of road rage.

    ——————————————————————————–
    Sign up for KTLA 5 Breaking News Email Alerts
    ——————————————————————————–

    Joe Chanthavong says he mistakenly cut off a black pick-up merging onto I-5, adding the driver of the truck was extremely upset about it.

    “They were swerving across the lanes, tailgating us, trying to bump us, they wanted us to crash,” said Phouglonghong.

    Chanthavong tried get away by cutting across multiple lanes of traffic hoping to exit at Garden Highway, however, he was going too fast, and his Accord went off the road, rolled and ejected everyone inside.

    Ryan was not responsive when paramedics arrived.

    “All I wanted was for them to leave us alone,” said Phouglonghong.

    • The american media, always on the surface… never looking any deeper… There are psychopaths on the road, there are people who feel dissed about the slightest thing, people who feel entitled*, and then there are just people who lose it after one too many incidents of uncaring cloverism.

      This incident could be any of them. What it really was we’ll likely never know.

      In the media, it’s always someone who is “mistaken”. I find that is the minority case. Every so often the driver will back off. Far more often they are making their move with intent. The mistaken will behave mistaken and abort their move upon hearing the horn or seeing a flash from the high beams. Those with intent will just keep coming or pause and then complete the move anyway.

      *I think this could be called ‘clover rage’. It is what happens when you don’t let a clover do what he wants to do. That is you don’t yield the right of way which you have to him.

      • Brent, look in the mirror. You have shown dozens of videos of your road rage. We have videos of you not only not slowing when someone pulls in front of you but speed up to within a foot or two of someone’s bumper. You show the worst road rage I have ever seen on multiple occasions.

    • I used to live in the DC area – one of the country’s worst Clover nests. While I don’t condone this attack, I understand how it could happen. Dealing with people like that every day – multiple times every day – is a form of slow torture. It eats away at your soul. Everyone has their limit. This guy – the guy who was cut off – apparently reached his. Those Clovers just happened to be the final Clovers in what was probably a long line of Clovers over many years. I expect we’ll be seeing more of this as the country becomes ever more stressful; as it becomes harder and harder to just get away from Clovers.

    • In a circumstance like this I would stay in the right lane and let the aggressive driver ride my ass, then quickly pull off the road and stop. Just let them keep on going..

  9. I looooovvve the impotent little flashing of lights, the chubby little middle finger protruding from its fleshy fist, the puffy face scrunched up in Cloverish rage…
    …when I blow past them in 3rd at 6000 rpm, the righteous howl of five German liters announcing my victory!

    I practice your trick Eric. It does no good to telegraph your intentions by getting on their tail; no, slow and patient does it. Give’em some distance, get in the right gear to be “on the cam” just before the moment comes…then nail it.

    I’ve had them try to keep up. I’m a good sport; I’ll keep it to about 90 until they’re getting closer, then start easing it up. I’ve had Clovers breaking a hundred! They look so nervous; I almost feel sorry for them. Their rage drives them on though despite their crippling fear of speeeeeding.

    But I’m a merciful man, too. When I can see they’re past their little comfort zone, I’ll keep them there for another minute or so–then really open it up. I don’t get to see their expressions; it behooves one to look FORWARD at 120. But I can only imagine the mixture of incredulity, self-righteousness, and impotent anger boiling inside their cramped little skulls…that someone could drive so fast, and then even faster despite their scolding.

    There oughta be a Law!

    • I’m always amazed at once you show your intentions they’ll try and block. There was a Clover at the head of a patch the other day, on the gas off the gas for miles. Guy was driving me nuts. Even before I passed, a freaking loaded down truck passed them. When I went to pass, and he saw I was coming, the fucker stomped the gas. Check this asshole out! I was going to turn the camera and show his fuck-face as I passed, but decided not to. You’ll see the distance he pulls after he sees me pass the three other assholes behind him.

      P.S. Don’t fucking bother posting comments anymore Clover! All your shit is going straight into the trash. I’m considering blocking your entire NetRange, you fucking idiot!

        • The footage is out there. It’s astonishing how easy it is to catch this type of behavior. I swear these Clovers take pride in this sort of driving. Got a video this evening on the way home of a Clover in the fast lane going slow, then when I go to pass he hauled ass up to next car, then let of the gas again. Just amazing.

          • What car are you driving? Sounds like a four cylinder. I’d be scared to do that with my current car (4-cylinder), but back when I had 200hp…

            I’m just not as confident in making these moves anymore. Most cars are faster than mine now, and knowing a clover, I could die!

            PS: I’ve been considering putting a camera in my car… For this specific type of footage.

            • You can defeat (evade/avoid) Clovers in any car. I do it driving everything from the lowliest SmartCar all the way up to ZR1 Corvettes. I also deal very effectively with Clovers in my 14-year-old, four-cylinder pick-up. It’s all about timing – and concealing your intentions. In a gunfight, it’s called getting the drop on the other guy. And when it comes to Clovers, that’s easy. Remember, they’re Clovers. They can’t think too far ahead; they don’t have fast reflexes. If you don’t betray your frustration with them, they’ll assume you’re another Clover – and won’t take steps to impede you.

              If you do it right, you’ll have done your thing before they’ve had time to notice you’ve just done it!

              Bye-bye, Clover…

          • It’s a four cylinder. The new little cars can get up and go just fine. You have to be in your power-band (easy on 5 speed) just right to pass with authority, if you can even call it that. I’d much rather prefer driving my 1982 El Camino with a 350 4 bolt, cam, headers, intake, 750 holley, 2.5 duals with flows, MSD, geared and suspended for hauling ass on the highway. I have a Contour Roam video camera. I’ll do a write-up on my clovercam setup soon. I have two camera setups too. It’s pretty sweet.

          • That is sweet, I look forward to reading it!
            I’m charging my camera right now, I’m going to start filming tomorrow 🙂
            I plan on just sticking it in the passenger-side headrest, but an official setup would probably be nicer.

          • I have two of these:

            http://www.bhphotovideo.com/c/product/354220-REG/Manfrotto_196B_2_196B_2_Articulated_Arm.html

            You take off the passenger side headrest and the metal bars from the headrest fit inside the mount holes on this articulated arm nicely. Small piece of electrical tape to increase the diameter and snug the fit makes perfect. Then I have a wooden dowel going down to make it more stable. I’ll take pictures and make a video when I get to work tomorrow.

    • I too have had a clover do 2X the speed limit to stop me from passing. I had wiggled my way up from way back in the pack and was coming up the far right lane. He spotted me and instantly started making a dash for the next cluster of cars ahead where he could block the passing lane.

      Clovers reaction depends a lot on what you drive. Way back in the in 1990s a driving discussion group there was a guy who drove M class BMWs. One day he got stuck with Ford Tempo rental. He said it was remarkable how LLBs moved over, people didn’t accelerate to block him, etc and so forth. I’ve noticed the way people behave differently when I drive different cars too. Not as dramatic, but I’ve noticed it.

      • Yep. The moment they see my grill, they’re determined to become a fixture in the left lane.

        I flash them well before they can make out the M5; often they’ll move over. But if I’ve already announced myself, good luck.

        In the Miata they’re much friendlier.

        The irony is they probably think I’m some “rich bastard” (and what’s wrong with that, if you’ve earned it honestly?)…but I’m not. I bought it used and I do most of my own work on it.

        Class warfare is an ugly thing. I’m so sad to see it come to America; we don’t admire guys who get rich anymore–unless they’re Fuuuuhball players or celebrities–instead we celebrate mediocrity and stupidity.

        Suits the politicians, though.

        • Don’t get me started….

          This whole thing is worse than class warfare. It’s this belief that everything has to do with “luck” and/or that all benefit anyone has derives from “society” (the mean government).

          If I hear one more person tell me how “lucky” I am with regards to finances and how I couldn’t do anything without “society” (the government) I’ll probably need to be restrained. 🙂

          My so called “luck” is the result of considerable hard work and accepting a standard of living well below what others with my income would accept even after what government steals from me.

          And that’s the big problem with this society now. There’s no concept of the hard work, the doing without, the putting up with crap, the loss of reward that comes with risk mitigation, and so on that goes into being financially secure. Instead it’s “luck” and because it’s “luck” it’s considered something that can be taken to cover other people’s losing bets and risk. When it’s not “luck” it’s because government made things safe for commerce or some other bullshit reasoning to justify more confiscation of wealth for people who couldn’t plan ahead or make other sacrifices.

          In the end it’s reasoning that there is no hard work, no planning, no risk mitigation… just luck and state.

          • Try asking these people to explain to you the concepts of low time preference and high time preference. They think you’re asking them if they’re morning people or not.

          • What you said BrentP! I’m with you 100%. I spent years learning my trade, getting off my ass and going to work every day and doing my level best to follow the Golden Rule. I paid out nearly 25% of the fruits of my labor in direct taxes (not counting sales, excise and property taxes) last year alone . Nothing has pissed me off worse this year than standing in line at the grocery store and hearing a young cashier brag how she filed head of household last year, paid in $1300 and with the “earned income credit”, got back eight grand! Yeah, I “earned” the “income”, they took it from me under the implied threat of gunfire and she got $8,000 “credited” to her account for making babies and taking up space. Nice. Is this a great f*&#ing country or what?

    • Yessss!

      It’s exactly like that on a fast motorcycle. Even better than something like your M because of the afterburner-like immediacy of thrust. An M is quick. A 911 turbo is quick. A 1000 cc sport bike is ferally ferocious. You can jump 30 MPH in an eyeblink; too fast for the speedo to even register until you’re already going faster. Plus, the agility of the much smaller package. It is the perfect tool for carving through Clover Clusterfucks. And Clovers really hate motorcycles – not just because they’re quick (“dangerous”) but also because they invariably cannot ride themselves – which fuels their impotent rage.

      There is a nice open stretch I travel frequently. Almost two miles, wide open. A couple of times, I’ve really poured it on after darting by some addled Cloverite in his “support the troops” festooned SmooVee. In seconds, I’m at 160-plus and have put half a mile between myself and the Clover – who is probably purple with spitting rage at the sight (and sound) of it.

      It always makes my day!

      • Yeah ,I like to do the same.One of my favorite things are those mobile things that tell you the speed limit and what your actual speed is by radar.When riding my R1 I love to watch how fast they hit 99(as high as they go)-very funny

        • Ah, but they’re annoying because they won’t register if you’re accelerating too fast! The trick is to nail it well before you get to it, then try to get a steady-state speed right as you pass it so it gives a reading.

          Pathetic little things.

          Even more pathetic are the little brain-dead clovers who slow down for the fucking sign; Hey Clover, it’s not taking your picture you statist slave it’s a passive device!

          • I’m talking about the permanent sign-mounted ones, with the readout just below the posted “speed limit”. They’re usually solar-powered, and slow on the update.

            Those temporary ones, with a gas generator, are faster–though if you’re really on the cam they’ll quit reading until your speed stabilizes.

            BTW–did you know that cop radar also requires a certain consistency between readings? Yep, if you’re braking hard enough, they can’t get a reading.

    • Gail:

      You might not be a geezer, but you do drive a sterotypical geezermobile. How many times have you looked at another Crown Vic that had someone under 70 driving it? Honestly?

      It’s probably a good thing. You’re likely invisible to cops -and I bet your insurance rates are lower than most.

      Don’t fret, I drive a sterotypical clovermobile (a Honda Civic), but I do exceed the posted limit whenever feasible.

      Eric:

      Your vote: Crown Vic. Sterotypical geezermobile or not?

  10. To add to the “Sterotypical Geezermobiles:” The Ford Crown Victoria or its sister, the Mercury Gran Marquis.

    Guaranteed clover – usually over 80 years old. Yes – I do realize cops drive Crown Vics too (or at least DID). Cop = clover – no exceptions.

    • Around 1980 (or so: it was long ago), I lived in southern CA. At the time, in the interest of being “green” or whatever, the CHP purchased a fleet of notoriously underpowered Dodges (I forget the model), which really cramped the officers’ style on the highways. A bumper sticker appeared briefly (until the brass got wise to it) on some of the chippies’ cruisers. It read: “Please don’t pass me, I’m in pursuit.”

      It was good for a laugh while the sticker lasted. And while the cars lasted, CA state roads were much more citizen-friendly.

      • During the late seventies (at least at Eglin AFB), they issued the USAF Security Police Dodge Aspens for patrol cars (think Plymouth Volare’). From what I recall they didn’t provide them with the E58 police motor (360, 4 bbl.), but the more “economical” 225 slant 6. Imagine that you’re a 19 y.o. riding a Suzuki TS-400 with an open chamber, you know every woods road and fire trail leading off the base and Sgt. numb-nuts decides to chase you….

        Suffice it to say the SP’s stayed so frustrated by those of us on bikes that anyone dumb enough to stop usually got a ticket just on principle. One of my friends led them on a merry chase all over Hurlburt Field on his YZ-125, finally exiting across a creek behind base housing. Ahhh, those were the days… Now we’d probably be branded terrorists and shot.

        • “Ahhh, those were the days… Now we’d probably be branded terrorists and shot.”

          That reminded me… the other day, I was looking over some of my vintage LPs. In particular, Pyromania by Def Leppard. Do you remember the cover art? A tall building, viewed from the perspective of someone behind the crosshairs – just after a detonation… can you imagine that today?

  11. for choosing a lane at a light, I use a scoring system. More cloverish the vehicle, the higher number of points. I pick the lowest scoring lane.

    All political stickers that don’t read “Ron Paul” or something along those lines is almost always a clover.

    However, many years ago I would encounter a VERY aggressive driver who was the anti-clover. This guy tailgated always, and I don’t mean like clover’s definition which is anything closer than 200ft, I mean tailgated, like a cop does, a distance that can be measured easily in inches, or feet on one hand. He cut other drivers off, always. If he drove the speed limit it was because he was trapped. all this on surface streets. He drove a volvo wagon and had the bumper sticker “Rush is right”.

    • You need to check out the link that Dom posted on tailgaters. There was a guy on there that consistently got furious with other drivers and pulled up behind them closer than 2 feet. He weaved through traffic, passed on the right, did everything in his means to block other drivers from getting their way on the road by allowing them to get into their turn lane. He felt he had always had the right away. Pretty cool stuff but a very dangerous guy.

      • Poor ol’ Clover!

        One of the defining characteristics of your species is solipsism. You judge everything according to your arbitrary standards (which are not even standards, being based on your feelings). Thus, the driver stuck behind you is the one who is “dangerous” – never you! When he eventually sees an opening and passes you on the right (because you refuse to move over to the right) it’s him who is “dangerous.”

        Notice again the primal urge to control. You are constitutionally incapable of grasping – let alone accepting – that others have different preferences, skills, wants, needs – etc. Everyone must do as you do. As you like. As you demand.

        But, you’re also a pathetic chickenshit – who wouldn’t think of even opening his little mouf if he had no Big Brother back-up. You’d never try to take money from another person yourself. You’d never try to make them wear a seatbelt yourself.

        Instead, you wait for an uber Clover – a politician – to promise to do it on your behalf. Using thugs in his employ.

        I reiterate my hope that one fine day you find yourself bereft of Big Brother back-up.

      • I don’t know where this link is nor do I want to spend more time trying to find it. However you have repeated stated that one should get out of the way of other drivers. That is if a driver demands/needs/wants to change lanes/merge/whatever we should yield to him. So what’s the problem with aggressively asserting one’s self in traffic if -other- people are supposed to drive so submissively as you recommend?

        If we are supposed to accommodate any driver that wants to force his way in front of us, then being cut off is the offense, not cutting someone off. Right?

        Oh wait. I forget. You don’t use principle and reason. You use feelings. Wishy-washy arbitrary feelings case-by-case based on who’s involved and your perception of them. When a slow driver cuts off someone like Dom, Eric, or myself, preventing us from making our way as we would like you lecture us on how it’s only costing us a few seconds to slow down to some clover’s pace or miss a green light, or not get into a turn lane or whatever. However, when someone like you describe blocks other drivers’ progress suddenly your concern shifts to those who are impeded. Certainly they only lost a few seconds too. They were supposed to yield to the other guy, be submissive to him. It’s just a few seconds, correct? Nothing more than a little lost time…

        That’s the problem with your views. No underlying principles just feelings. Had you started with a principle, such as never intentionally forcing another driver to take evasive action. You’d see the folly of your statements. But alas you just react emotionally to what is in front of you rather than applying principle and reason.

        • You may have a little but I mean little justification of being aggressive with another driver if he did the same with you first but I even doubt if that is a reason. If you do the same because someone you feel is passing someone too slowly in the passing lane on the highway but at 5 mph or faster than the other driver and is traveling over the speed limit then you should be in jail.

          • Clover, you reveal yourself in all your fulsome glory yet again!

            The only people who are aggressive behind the wheel are assholes like you. The rest of us are just trying to avoid you or get around/away from you. Of course, I realize you equate our passing you by as “aggressive” – while regarding your boxing us in, refusing to allow us to get past, as not aggressive. Which, of course, is yet another example of your demented outlook on things.

            I’ve repeatedly asked you why you can’t just be content to drive at your speed – and leave others free to drive at theirs. I have no doubt you’d be annoyed if your progress (at a speed you deemed “safe”) was impeded by a lower-order (than you) Clover doing say 17 MPH in a 35 (where traffic is averaging 45). But then you’d be negatively affected. So then it matters. But when someone is driving faster than you like, rather than just let them by, you do everything in your power to impede them. You certainly would never make any effort to yield/wave them past.

            I keep hoping the aliens will arrive and convert people of your stock into beef jerky.

          • Clover, once again you have gone off in some random direction making a reply to my post that has nothing to do with the point I made.

            My point was ahout how you judge everying with feelings instead of principle.

            It’s funny how people such as yourself think that you can pass with a tiny differential, know this behavior will anger others, and then chastise those others for being angered by it. It’s simply amazing. No wonder the US federal government does all sorts of things to anger other nations/governments and then gets all offended when there’s a little push back. The cloverite majority sees this as acceptable! so they get the wars they wanted and the clover majority gets behind the wars. It’s the same as their driving. Drive in a way to anger others and then get all high and mighty when those people predictably get angry and demand they be dealt with harshly. What a twisted and demented way to be.

            What’s even more demented is what eric points out is true. I know from bicycling. Your kind really gets its panties in a bunch if it so much as -feels- impeded. But then the anger is of course righteous… because it’s all based on feelings, not reason.

        • Thanks Brent. You believe in threatening others and I say that is wrong pretty much no matter what they did. If you wave a sign to pull off so that you can go at then go for it. Using your car as a weapon or a threat is illegal.

          • Clover, the only one here threatening others (albeit using others to do your dirty work) is you.
            It’s you who is the authoritarian thug; you who constantly demands that guns be pointed at other people – people who are harming no one – to satisfy your insatiable lust to dominate and control.

            But, like most bullies, you don’t want a fair fight. You won’t try to force anyone to do what you want them to do on your own – not even women and kids – let alone people who would tell you to fuck off and (if you persisted) punch you in your fucking face.

            You just whine to your Big Brother – and get him to do your thuggery for you.

            What a pitiful sack of shit.

          • Clover you clearly did not comprehend anything I wrote above. Instead you make some random attack on my character. I can’t exactly parse what you are babbling about, but it makes no sense and is clearly totally off topic from what I wrote.

            The facts remain, you make an emotional decision in the moment with no underlying principles. That’s why you are so inconsistent. You’ll chastise me for not making room for an aggressive or unaware driver but then in the next moment chastise the aggressive and/or unaware driver for cutting someone else off. You just decide, that moment, who you *FEEL* is wrong. And what’s with all the violence? You’re the one here who advocates the use of violence.

            I think some of your babble is about fighting it out on the side of the road. Well clover, I ride a bicycle the same way I drive. A bicycle. No protection there, can’t be used as a weapon. I’ve had some drivers your attitude get out of their vehicles to teach me how to yield to their superiority with their fists. Guess what? They all got back in without doing shit. Even the cop. Yes Clover, you read that right, the cop.

          • Brent if you have ever read anything I have said here it was about safety not getting mad at someone on the highway and pulling within inches or a couple of feet of them traveling at 70 mph. If you can not see who is the controlling, aggressive and dangerous driver on the highway then you are blind. I am not the one that another driver opens his window for and gets called a jerk.

            • Correction, Clover: It was “about safety” as you define it. Which means, as you subjectively feel about it.

              It has been pointed out to you already (many times) that it is objectively unsafe to impede the flow of traffic or to be the cause of sudden and unnatural slowing down. But you don’t care because these do not affect you. You characterize what others do as unsafe – and not because of anything that’s actually done to you, but rather, simply because someone else is doing something you don’t like – such as driving faster than you subjectively feel they ought to be allowed to.

              The solution is simple: Use your mirrors and yield to faster moving traffic. You expect others to do it for you (don’t bullshit me and claim otherwise; you fucking know you would not be content to sit patiently behind, say, a farm tractor doing 15 in a 35 for the next five miles; you’d expect him to move over for you – as he should.) but you won’t extend the same courtesy to others. You call them “dangerous” and “unsafe” instead – and screech that “there ought to be a law!”

              People like you are the termites in the joists of America. You’ve eaten away at the structural foundations and soon the whole goddamn thing is going to collapse in on itself. All because of creatures such as you.

          • Clover, I cannot even follow your babble. You jump around randomly never staying on point. Your ideas about “safety” are absurd. You decide what’s safe and what is not based on social feelings.

            It’s about who you like more, not what is actually safe. You don’t like me so when a driver cuts me off you say I should have been more submissive to him. When you get cut off, then suddenly it’s that other driver who’s a menace.

            If you had principles you’d always argue for submission to others on the road. To always get out of the way of someone who ‘wants’ this or that. A system where the most aggressive get their way every time. But you don’t. Because you aren’t principled.

            You have no principles. Just feelings. That’s my point.

            And yes, a guy in a lane that becomes a turn only lane, a guy who passed up a safe opportunity to move over, a guy who couldn’t bother to signal, a guy whom I wouldn’t stand on the brakes for when he waited to the last moment to make a move called me a ‘jerk’. Don’t you see the irony? Of course not. You run on feelings and social wishy-washyiness not principle.

            For crying out loud, I post a video of a guy doing 110+mph using the shoulder to get by me when I am in the right lane while the rest of the expressway is wide open and you blame me for not standing on my brakes to give him more space. You throw everything you preach about safe driving under the bus in an instant because of your negative feelings about me. You’re a real piece of work Clover.

          • Yes Eric I would patiently drive 25 mph behind a tractor for 5 miles if there is no easy way for him to pull over. I know, you would rather shoot yourself. Tractors are not allowed on the interstate so you do not have a tractor driving 30 mph on an interstate.

            It is beyond me why you and others get so furious at people that are driving in a legal, safe and timely manner. You explode if someone is driving the speed limit and are stuck behind them for a mile or two. The only thing I can come up with from what you say is that you need to not drive. Someone with zero patience on the roadway is a serious danger to others and causes 50 times the stress during driving than there needs to be. Leave a minute or two early for your next appointment and sit back and relax and the next time someone slows you down by a couple of seconds you do not get furious about it.

            • First off, bullshit. Second, if you actually would sit behind a tractor doing 15 (note, not 25) in a 35 (where everyone routinely drives 40-45) then you’ve confirmed your Cloverhood yet again. Maybe you have all day to get where you’re going – or just don’t mind slowing to a crawl and just waiting – even when you could easily just pass and continue on your way. But others do have places to be – and (quite reasonably) prefer not to sit interminably behind a dawdling vehicle for absolutely no reason other than to accommodate the wishes and feelings of a Clover such as yourself. Also: Your refusal to pass the dawdler makes it harder for the people behind you to pass. But of course, you don’t give a damn about them. As always, it’s all about Clover. His arbitrary determination of “safe.” His feelings.

              What I have zero patience for, Clover, is Cloverism. For you and those like you. I avoid you and I evade you, every single day. You wouldn’t even know I was behind you – until I was very suddenly ahead of you – and rapidly increasing the distance.

              It is nice out today, so I think I will take my bike out. It is the most effective Clover-cutter I own. One quick twist of the throttle, sweat pea, and I will be far, far away from you and your ilk.

              There is a nice straight stretch I know about where I can hit triple the double nickel. I’ll be thinking of you as the speedo climbs to 170….

          • Clover is an idiot. We should not argue with him! His primary mission in life is to bring everyone down to his level or below (if there is such a thing). His very existence and ability to breed will be, maybe already is, the demise of freedom. His complete and absolute ignorance, and desire to stay that way is pure evil.

          • Eric, I have repeatedly seen a very odd behavior. Drivers will not pass slow moving tractors or other pieces of equipment but they will risk killing a bicyclist who is moving faster than tractor.

            It’s all about their feelings. They feel the piece of equipment is there to do work while the bicyclist is just playing in traffic. Therefore they will stay behind the tractor until they can obtain an absurdly high factor of safety to get around it but must pass the bicyclist immediately regardless of any danger in doing so. They’ll even cross the center line on a blind hill or blind curve to pass NOW. The tractor… they’ll wait.

            • I’ve seen the same thing! Just a few weeks ago, I had to pass four (count ’em) Clovers who were plodding along behind a VDOT tractor that was literally crawling at less than 10 MPH. Not one of those Clovers would pass, even though the opposite lane was obviously clear, because it would have required them to cross the double yellow for a moment – and of course, that’s “illegal.”

          • Brent can you use some common sense? You and the others here that pass no matter what and you say that someone that does not pass a tractor unless it is safe to do so would a bicycle instead? Does that really make sense to you? It is a Brent or an Eric that would pass without even thinking about if it safe for the bicyclist because you can not be delayed. This link fits you exactly.
            http://virgil.azwestern.edu/~dag/lol/RoadRage.html

            • “You and the others here that pass no matter what and you say that someone that does not pass a tractor unless it is safe to do so would a bicycle instead?”

              Clover apparently hasn’t taken her meds today – or rather, imbibed a bit much again.

          • I suppose that babble is about how what we post doesn’t match up with the image in your head. That would mean the image in your head “You and the others here that pass no matter what” is wrong.

            As to the link, what does a 13 year old piece of garbage web page have to do with anything? But what if the stats in there aren’t the complete garbage they appear to be, what system has been in use that created these conditions? The one you support. Good to know you believe that the current system has demonstrated spectacular failure. So the question is why perpetuate it with yet more violence from state?

          • It does not matter that the link I showed was 13 years old or 30 years old. The facts that I was trying to get across are that there are aggressive drivers with road rage out there that show road rage in even minor driving mistakes or even correct driving that you do not agree with. You show multiple signs of road rage and aggressive type driving that was talked about in the link.

  12. What do you call the kind of jackass who tailgates *regardless of speed or speedlimit*? My observation is that it’s nearly always youngish white women yakking on their phones. Sorry if I sound sexist or racist but I swear the data have led me to make this conclusion regarding demographics. They aren’t Clovers as defined here but still a very dangerous driver.

    • I have a general strategy of getting away from bad drivers, regardless of what their particular bad habit is. If someone is following me so closely that it’s beyond annoying (i.e., their behavior might cause a serious accident), I will just pull over and let them ride someone else’s ass.

      • The problem with these ‘gaters that I failed to mention previously is that they never take the opportunity to pass. Ever. It doesn’t matter how fast I’m driving on this long stretch of rural highway, every time there will be some chick in a mini-van driving w/in a car length, blabbing away on her phone. What they might be thinking, if they think at all, is that “this road is a notorious speed trap, and so I’m gonna fool the troopers by hiding behind this other guy who is speeding.” It’s total chickenshit behavior but so it goes. I’ll try pulling over if it gets to me but opportunities are limited on this road.

  13. PT Cruisers! LOL

    Sorry about the long edit on this video. Here is a PT Cruiser freaking gettin it. This dude was weaving in and out of morning rush hour traffic like a maniac. I think this guy’s potential for causing a accident is high. He barely squeezes in front of a bus after he passes. The camera can’t catch it but he keeps going like that.

    http://clovercam.com/?p=286

      • I don’t think so Eric. Clovers do not pass others. They are usually hogging the high speed lanes, braking for no reason and usually block traffic at every opportunity. This guy i s not a clover just because of his vehicle. Just as a crocodile is not an alligator.

  14. Still common in the state of Texas are those stickers that say “I support State Troopers.” Back in the days of the NMSL (National Maximum Speed Limit), some people attempted to use them as a “get out of jail free card.” I am not sure whether that actually worked or not. I suspect that it didn’t. Just like the DARE stickers of the early 1990’s, but people used them anyway. Today, I view those “Support State Troopers” window decals as a clover clue. The reason to have them (NMSL) isn’t there right now, so these are a clue that the motorist has a nut loose somewhere.

    In Texas, things are a little different. Another clover clue that works in probably 49 states is someone backing in to their parking space, cloverish behavior. In Texas the number of backwards parkers exceeds the probable number of clovers on the highways.

    Recently, while driving down the highway, I ran into a visibly angry clover, or angrius cloverious. The mad clover was flipping me off as I passed him on the right. He kept it up until he was a spec in my rearview. Usually clovers are angry, but they hide it until they write a barely coherent letter to the newspaper. I was amused at the display of cloveritis.

    • “Recently, while driving down the highway, I ran into a visibly angry clover, or angrius cloverious. The mad clover was flipping me off as I passed him on the right. He kept it up until he was a spec in my rearview. Usually clovers are angry, but they hide it until they write a barely coherent letter to the newspaper. I was amused at the display of cloveritis.”

      Excellent!

      I think the cop-sucking stickers are more along the lines of an indirect bribe. As in, don’t ticket me – I support (pay off) cops!

      • I think I know…

        It’s not the backing in, per se. It’s that so many of these reverse-backers can’t do it right on the first (or second or third) try. They will back in – and out. In – and out. Meanwhile everyone else gets to wait. Often, these reverse Clovers leave their cars too far over to one side (blocking in the adjacent car) or at a screwy angle (blocking both adjacent cars).

        If you can execute the maneuver as quickly as just pulling into a spot – fine. No problem there. But many people can’t – but try to anyhow.

        Which is what makes them Clovers!

        • Whew, I was afraid I might get the dreaded “C” label, at least in SR’s mind. I much prefer to pull forward out of a parking space: better visibility and maneuverability. I pride myself in backing in quickly and precisely. It’s a LOT easier than backing a trailer, which I’m still called upon to do now and then.

        • About skewed Clover parking; I used carry copies of a cute little note with me when I spent a lot of time around Richmond, Va. They read “Thanks for parking so close. Next time leave a f*@#ing can opener so I can get in my truck!” Yes, I did leave more than one under various Clovers’ wiper blades. They probably had to take it home and have a relative decipher it for them though….

        • One cloverish behavior that I absolutely HATE is when an inept driver will try once… twice… three times… four times… to parallel park on a busy street. They will STOP abruptly at a too-small space, you’ll see the backup lights come on, and for the next five minutes or so the right hand lane will be blocked.

          I mean, come on. It’s a simple maneuver. Line your rear bumper up with the rear wheels of the parked car, crank the wheel all the way to the left, back in until you’re at a roughly 45 degree angle to the curb, then crank your wheels all the way to the right. You’ll slide right in and be parallel to the curb. If you’re not going to be parked for very long, leave your wheels cranked so that you can easily get back out. Chances are that the same car will still be in front of you.

        • Whew! I was afraid I was gonna tagged with the C-word myself (no comments from the peanut gallery! LOL). I also back in – quickly.

          Where I live, the Clovers are infamous for leaving a minimum of 1 entire car length between themselves and the car in front of them – at a red light. It’s not unusual to have a couple or more of these idiots in front of you at a red light. Boy does it piss me off when I don’t get through a red light because they take up twice the space in line thus taking twice as long to get through the intersection.

          • Just yesterday, I got stuck behind an uber Clover at an intersection, she ahead of me, both wanting to make a right turn. The traffic coming from the left was all turning right but the Clover just sat. After about 30 seconds of this I just edged by her (I’m on my bike) and made the right turn.

            Christ, they’re infuriating!

          • Nah, we know you! (And so know you’re not a Clover.)

            What defines a Clover is their inability. It’s not the backing into spot, per se. It’s that Clovers can’t do it. They either need multiple tries (meanwhile, everyone else gets to wait). Or they park at a crazy angle, or right up against one car, so its owner has to crawl in through his passenger-side door. Etc.

          • When stopping at a red light, I will stop with a car’s length between my car and the vehicle in front of me. I do this not because I am a Clover, but because the driver in front of me might be one.

            If I’m still looking at his brake lights 10 seconds after the light turns green, or if he accelerates at the pace of an oil tanker, I can get into the next lane and lose him!

            • Doug,

              That’s smart for another reason, too: If some Clover comes up behind you too fast, having not noticed the stopped traffic and red light, you’ll have the room to move forward (or just get out of his way) and avoid being rear-ended.

      • BIG exception to this one. I.e. Clovers who do not back–competently–into a single parallel space, but take all day and then some trying to front in. Inevitably, they wind up hopelessly crowding either the car in front or in back of them.

        Another notorious parking cloverism: straddling a parking meter–effectively taking up two spaces–instead of parking between meters. Seeing such an outrageously inconsiderate cloverism, I positively lust for a meter maid. However, the latter seem unmoved by this (or clueless), as long as the meter being straddled is paid up.

        Finally, I will exit the parking category and nominate the following for a spot in the top three cloverisms: running the car stereo–massive subwoofers and all–at deafening volume in city traffic. Or anywhere, for that matter. I wish for one and all of these clovers total deafness in the shortest possible time. Except, as a taxpayer, I’ll probably have to subsidize treatment for their self-inflicted disability.

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