Park Pork and Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafety!

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Some parents treat their kids like veal calves – never letting them go outside because it might not be “safe.” At least those parents usually mean well – and they are parents.

Park Pork on the other hand – like other pork – uses saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafety to corral and control us, as if we were all little kids. And these armed government workers our parents.

Park Pork, the armed government workers in the employ of the federal government, patrol federally controlled properties – which includes federal parks and the Blue Ridge Parkway, which runs from Northern Virginia (where it is called Skyline Drive) down to North Carolina.

They are notorious radar-trappers, mercilessly enforcing the under-posted speed limit (45 MPH) and lately painting over the few passing zones which used to exist but don’t any longer.

But perhaps the most annoying thing these Park Porkers do occurs during the winter months, when – at the first report of the possibility of a snowflake that might fall later tonight – they will close the gates to the Parkway, so that it becomes their private roadway.

They say it’s because the Parkway doesn’t get salted. But the thing is, it hasn’t snowed. So salted or not is irrelevant.

But there might be ice! It is below freezing! Snow could fall!


Competent drivers who can deal with the threat of snow – its actuality, even – are locked out of the roads they are forced to pay for. I wonder how long it will be before they start locking down roads generally.

It might snow on them, too.

. .  .

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  1. They are the king’s roads.

    That said that nonsense doesn’t work here up north. We’re expected to be at work. If government closes a road it better be impassable anyway and if roads are impassable for more than a brief time and the storm not something immense there’s a good chance someone isn’t getting re-elected.

    I’ve had I think a grand total of two snow days in my life and couple early dismissals from work to get home before it got too bad to get home. Although a couple years ago I did see some signs of creeping weakness. Subzero cold into the double digits canceling school…. The daily records for cold in this area were largely set when I was in school and I had to go each and every weekday of it.


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