Samizdat Haircut

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Our gracious liege lord, The Coonman, has decreed that previously “non-essential” businesses may “reopen.” But not really.

The doors to the previously walk-in hair-cut place I’ve been going to for years are still locked. They only open if you have made an appointment – and you may only come in if you are wearing a Fear Mask. An odd thing to insist on since sick people shouldn’t be going to get their hair cut.

Why isn’t that question being asked?

And if they’re not sick then wearing a Fear Mask makes as much sense as wearing a diaper – assuming you aren’t incontinent.

Well, it makes sinister sense.

From a certain standpoint. Masking Mandates keep people fearful and that fear supports the “new abnormal” of no longer being able to just walk into a hair cut place or restaurant, sit down and get a haircut or a meal. One must pretend that sickness abounds.

And in a sense, it does.

Not physical sickness. Mental sickness. Weaponized fear of sickness, rather. Which is really weaponized fear of life.

Well, the woman who cuts my hair – used to cut my hair – saw me and came to the door. She unlocked it and we had a brief conversation. I told her I would like to get my hair cut but that I will not wear a Fear Mask because I’m not sick and not afraid of getting sick. I also told her that not being able to just walk in when it’s convenient for me is a deal-breaker, to. I have never planned my day around a haircut and don’t plan to now. My practice has always been to make good use of my time. I swing by the haircut place when I have some extra time. Usually – well, previously – I was able to just walk in and walk out ten minutes later, hair cut.

I won’t accept anything less – for the sake of assuaging the anxieties of people crippled by mental illness.

So I told my hair cut lady that we should meet at an Undisclosed Location for a samizdat haircut. The reference is Soviet. It means underground, illegal. The only way to do normal things – like express an opinion – in the old Soviet Union.

Or get a haircut in the USSA, today.

I told my haircut lady that I would pay her full freight plus a large tip. That she would get every dollar instead of the hair cut place getting almost all of my dollars. I am hoping she is only wearing the Fear Mask out of fear for her job and that I will hear from her soon, on the down low.

That she’ll cut my hair without either of us wearing a Fear Mask – able to see each other’s faces and hear each other’s voices – like human beings used to do.

Before this inhuman obsession with sickness took hold.

. . .

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  1. You’re a good man Eric! A REAL man! I think you’re my role model now. After the peasants take back this planet, we’re going to have to get a hair sample from you to make clones, because we’re sick of all the morons everywhere.

    It’s either reopen or not… but now the goobers are making CONDITIONS of “reopening”? OMG, crimes on top of crimes… hell is expanding as we speak — adding more ovens — they have to make more room for Earth’s gooberment criminals coming soon.

  2. Same thing happened to me at Supercuts. Appointment requirement – mask requirement. Was a good place. This Asian guy cuts hair perfectly – possibly the owner. I pointed and semi shouted at the woman at the counter “thats why youre going bankrupt! thats why youre going bankrupt!” and left. She glared at me with hate. Theres an old fashioned barber shop near my work. Try them next and if that doesnt work clipper time.

  3. My wife has clippers but isn’t worth a damn cutting hair. I’ve been needing a haircut for a year now….or longer. I cut the sides one day and did pretty good. After a while I realized how the Mullet became popular. Musta been guys like me who can just see the sides and that’s the part that really needs to be cut to stay out of your eyes.

    But there’s an excuse every day. I cut a piece of baling twine and I’m back to having a ponytail. I may put it up today and then remove part of the ponytail. I don’t want to remove too much since my hat pushes it down and if it gets too short it will push it off.

    I had to replace the fuel filter on my pickup this week. My hair wasn’t ties so I was getting beaten by my hair in the eyes and trying to stay away from the fuel that made it past the towel I use to absorb it off the frame to keep it off of me.

    Once the Feds sorta got through with me(it only ends when you end), I was tempted to cut my hair I hadn’t in 10 years but I just blew it off. When I started back trucking I had to cut it just to keep it out of my eyes. But shutting down hair salons and barbershops is just the tip of the deathberg. We’re running on borrowed time but the ordinary person doesn’t have a clue.

  4. I’ve never, in my 66 year life, paid for a haircut. I’ve either let it grow, a couple of times half way down my back, or crew cut it myself.
    The goal of this entire charade is to convince us to look at others not as fellow human beings travelling the road of life, but as a threat to our survival. You can’t get much more divisive than that. Fear and division are the primary tools of tyrants. Tyrants do not create tyranny, submission does. There is ALWAYS a psychopath waiting in the wings to take advantage of any moment of submission. I paraphrase Frederick Douglas, “Whatever tyranny you are willing to accept is exactly how much you will receive”.

  5. Fear masks and anti-social distancing are part II of submission training. Part I occurred after 9/11, and the American people failed to push back. Airport “security” goons fondle a “man’s” daughter, wife or mother and the “man” meekly looks on. Tens of millions of Americans just accepted this type of submission. The government collects every phone call and keystroke of every American? No problem. If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to worry about.

    This time there is more resistance, but not nearly enough. The most shocking part of it to me is that the government got away with declaring churches to be unnecessary and outlawing religious services. That kind of thing could only happen in China or the Soviet Union, never in the United States. But it did happen here. With barely a peep from all those people who are proud to be from America, where at least they know they’re free.

    Government says stay home, wear a mask if you have to go somewhere that our overlords permit to remain open, stay 6 feet away from everyone else, don’t hug grandma, etc. The denizens of the Home of the Brave lap it up because the government is protecting them. It’s all submission training, based on propaganda endlessly repeated in the media. If bureaucrats decreed that you can avoid getting Covid-1984 by putting your right index finger on the top of your head, putting your left index finger in your left ear, spinning around as fast as you can while squawking like a chicken, boobus Americanus would do it.

  6. I got mine cut yesterday…..without the Fear Mask! She’s a bit worried how far the Karens will go to destroy her business, but she’s still standing strong!

  7. Gauleiter Sisolak decreed that barbers and such could reopen in the current “phase 1,” provided they took appointments and masked up their employees (fortunately the only mandatory Fear Masking for customers has surprisingly not been from the government, but from businesses that choose to do so).

    I called the place where I normally get my hair cut, a hole-in-the-wall in a strip mall that charges $8, to verify that they were open and, if necessary, to make an appointment. I heard that (1) yes, they were open and (2) they weren’t bothering with appointments and to just come by during normal business hours. They were masked up and the waiting area had been moved outside, but that seemed to be the only difference between now and 3 months ago. They’ve always had people sign in on arrival (first name, time, and what you need done) so they know who’s next in line; I suspect that if asked, they’ll call that their “appointment book.”

    I dropped in after work last Monday…maybe 5 minutes or so waiting, and a little bit longer to get the job done because it had been 3 months (I’d gotten a trim from a neighbor about a month earlier, but even that was getting a bit shaggy), but I think I was still in and out in less than a half-hour.

  8. Right on, Eric. I’ve actually decided to just let my hair grow long. It actually looks pretty good plus the missus likes it. Even my ultra conservation, older guy neighbor is letting his hair grow out.

  9. I pitched a similar proposal to my barber, and he declined. He is no longer my barber. The problem, though, is not just that I no longer have a go-to guy, it’s that these appointments only and mask mandatory requirements are everywhere. State requirements, enforced at gunpoint, probably for the foreseeable future.

    • Hi BAC,

      I’m planning on letting my girlfriend cut my hair if it comes to that. There is always an end-run. I will not comply with this crap. I pray more of us don’t.

      • All Good Citizens, are Responsible for reporting Any and ALL violations of Social Distancing, Illegal Contact, and Wrong Think to the Department of Home Land Heath Security. Remember, we are all Responsible for keeping the Home Land, Safe, Secure and Healthy.

        This PSA brought to you by the Ministry of Truth.

        MiniTrue, working endlessly, to Protect your mind from being poisoned by Wrong Think.

      • Here in CT, hair cutteries have been shuttered since early March, and this shutdown was just extended two days before they were to open. There’s no reason I can foresee why they won’t extend this closure further when the next reopening date arrives. On top of that, there are capacity restrictions for when they do reopen. And, more and more people seem to be discovering self hair cutting abilities they didn’t know they had. So I’d say many of these barbers and hairstylists have their entire livelihoods at risk. A man’s gotta eat. If I were they, sitting in my home wondering where my next meal ticket was going to come from, the samizdat idea would seem pretty appealing if offered.

  10. Masks require bands or straps, correct? Don’t they go around your head and neck? Does this not get in the way of being able to CUT hair? I’ve always had to remove my glasses when I go for a haircut, because they get in the way.

    Thankfully now, I cut my own hair. I don’t have to worry about this BS, plus it saves me about a grand a year…

    • Before 2 days ago when my wife cut my hair, I cut my own with my 32 year old Wahl clippers. I stood in front of a mirror, had to guess around the back. No one said anything so I must have done a good job.

      • I was going to get a set of Wahl clippers, but I cheaped out and got a Conair trimmer instead. It’s one of the few things I ever got in life that paid for itself on the first use! I just give myself a close crew cut, so it’s easy.

  11. I applaud you for your stance, Eric. I finally had a haircut about two weeks ago (after nearly eight weeks without one) and had to wear a mask to do it.

    However, I take some comfort that the woman who cuts my hair did not seem happy about the masking requirement either. She asked if I wanted her to wear gloves while cutting my hair. I said, quite firmly “No, that isn’t necessary”.

    All of this ridiculous, overblown, overreaction to get a haircut. Ridiculous.


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