The Dirty Turtle Surfaces . . .

A statement has just been released to the effect that the Old Dirty Turtle has been discharged and is headed home.

“Earlier today, I was discharged from the rehabilitation center to continue my recovery at home. Elaine and I are grateful for the many well wishes and support from friends, colleagues, and Kentuckians, and for the attentive care I’ve received from excellent doctors, nurses, therapists, and hospital staff,” the Old Dirty Turtle supposedly said. 

We are expected to believe this.

What he “said” was actually a press release. In other words, someone else wrote those words. No actual word from the Dirty Old Turtle himself. Almost certainly because the Dirty Old Turtle is incapable of speaking a single word. A wheezing gurgle is possible. If that is not true, then why doesn’t the Old Dirty Turtle give us a word, from his own lips? The answer is obvious. It is because he can’t. Reason it out, as Spock used to say. If a man can put together the words in sentences as in the statement attributed to the Dirty Old Turtle, then that man is not mentally incapacitated. Maybe he needs to sit in a wheelchair – or lie in a bed. But there is nothing disabled about his cognitive apparatus  . . . if he can put together words such as those attributed to him.

Mason Verger comes to mind.

Remember him? From the Hannibal series? He was crippled, had to be pushed around in his wheelchair by his manservant Cordell. But the mind was there. The Old Dirty Turtle’s almost certainly is not. If it’s true that he suffered cardiac arrest back in June – intercepted EMS radio traffic supports this – the odds he has snapped back are 2 percent or less, for a Dirty Old Turtle his age (84). After he was whisked away to the hospital, the following words were attributed to him:

“I didn’t have a heart attack or a stroke. I don’t have any tumors or hemorrhages. But I was briefly unconscious and was taken to the hospital. While receiving excellent care over the past several weeks, I’ve also had to deal with a mild case of pneumonia.”

Note – again – that no one credible heard him say these words. We are told he said them, duly reported by the stenography pool.

What’s the game here? The deadline for the special election has passed, so that’s no longer a motive – for keeping the show going. Perhaps the motive is that the Dirty Old Turtle can vote – at a distance, of course – and help maintain the GOP’s precarious hold on power in the Senate. Not that it matters anymore – as the corruption is now so pervasive that correcting it is something akin to preventing the Titanic from going under – but maybe the Dirty Old Turtle ought to have to show up to vote. They could wheel him in. Cordell! Cordell!

And then maybe feed him to the pigs.

. . .

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