Buckle Up . . . Your Gym Bag

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The late great comedian Sam Kineson had a routine describing the peace of death. At last, no more worries. He’s lying on the slab . . . when all of a sudden he feels the embalmer climbing on top of him.

It never ends! Sam would scream in his inimitable way.

The same goes for government busybodyism. It never ends. These people never fail to find a new way to pester us – and cost us. The latest way being a “call” – from them to be imposed on us – that all new cars to be equipped with seat belt buzzers for the back seats.

For saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafety! 

They really mean something else.

The backseats are – were – the last redoubt of freedom from proctoring in a modern car. The only place where you could sit down without being harassed by the car. And where the driver (and passengers) could put things without being pestered by the car.

One of the most noisome aspects of “buckle up” technology – beyond the fact that it’s forced on us – is that it can’t tell the difference between a person and a bag of groceries.

Or a laptop.

Or a hoagie, for that matter.

Hypersensitive weight sensors are built into the seats – these sensors being necessary because of another busybody mandate (the air bag mandate) which resulted in people being killed by too-forceful air bag deployments. Whoops. The sensors are supposed to feed data about the weight of the person occupying the seat – and that data is used to adjust the force of air bag deployment in a crash .

The idea being to (hopefully) not kill babies, little kids and little old ladies.

But the sensors are special – in the short-bus sense. They register the weight of practically anything as a person – your laptop, bookbag or foot-long hoagie, even.

And if the seatbelt isn’t buckled, the buzzer erupts. These buzzers are piercing and relentless; they are more like claxons and most don’t turn themselves off after a moment – or even minutes. They stay on until you “buckle up.”

This includes buckling up your laptop that’s riding shotgun.

Almost any pressure on the sensors will trigger the buzzers. This is not anecdotal – it is experiential. Your Libertarian Car Guy test drives brand-new cars every week and I can personally vouch for the fact that backpacks, laptops – and hoagies – trigger the buzzers.

It’s enraging.

The buzzers are styled “reminders” – but after say a minute of ear-splitting racket, it’s probably a safe assumption that the driver is aware of the situation. But the seat belt harasser won’t quit – causing an unsafe distraction until the driver can’t stand it anymore, gives up and reaches over to buckles up his laptop or whatever else is riding shotgun.

Not very . . . saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafe if the car is moving.

Nevermind.

If NHTSA – the federal busybody agency that somehow became the proctor of Our Safety – gets its way, drivers will soon have to reach behind them to try to grab and buckle-up their stuff – in order to get the got-damned buzzers to shut the fuck up.

NHTSA says it is “calling” for rear-seat buzzers, because “only three quarters of rearseat passengers buckle up.”

Perhaps because they don’t want to?

Never mind.

It cannot be abided.

So in addition to people in the back seat being proctored – and pestered –  the driver will also have to remember  to buckle up the groceries, gym bags or whatever else gets tossed onto the rear seats. Where, of course, the driver can’t reach the got-damned seat belt to buckle them up, if he forgot to – in order to get the got-damned buzzer to shut up.

One more aggravation – and expense – we didn’t “call” for.

No one ever asks about this.

Whether the sensors add $100 or $1 to the price of the car isn’t the point.

Maybe rearseat buzzers are something people want. Why not find out? By – crazy idea – letting people decide for themselves whether they want them – and are willing to pay for them?

Heaven forfend.

The real reason these things have to “called” for – that is,  mandated by the busybodies – is precisely because most people don’t want them. If that weren’t the case, the mandate wouldn’t be necessary.

QED.

See also: Air bags – and electric cars.

The busybodies like mandates because they give them power. And the car industry – for the most part – likes the mandates because it gives them money. A mandated “safety” feature is no different than mandated leather seats or AC. They all cost extra – but you used to be able to skip things you didn’t want to pay extra for.

Now we all pay more – for less freedom.

That’s a pretty crappy offer – and it’s one we’re not allowed to refuse.

. . .

Got a question about cars, Libertarian politics – or anything else? Click on the “ask Eric” link and send ’em in!

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74 COMMENTS

  1. I wonder how long it will be before disconnecting these buzzers will make the car inoperable.
    I’m in the market for a new car and I’m hating this shit, just another factor I have to research.

  2. A true – when I was in Karachi, at the end of the 90s one of my cousins did very well and became the CEO of an American company out there. One of the first things they gave him was an imported car – a Mercedes Benz. (Back then, with like 200% duties and other taxes it cost about $200k+). Now one of the new things it had, which most of the cars made locally (or for the local market) didnt was that annoying buzzer if we dont buckle up!!!! In true Pakistani spirit, in a couple days a loophole was found – buckle the seatbelt and THEN sit on the seat, over the belt!! and just leave the seatbelt buckled at all times!!

    These days however, most new cars assembled there also have the buzzer – so the market has found the solution. The minute you buy a new car the guy at the showroom offers the services of a guy hanging around outside – for a couple dollars he will de-activate the buzzer in mere minutes!!! For imports / luxury cars which the guy cant de-activate as easily, they sell you a buckle that just plugs into where the seatbelt goes and just sits there making it think the seatbelt is bucked in!!!

  3. I owned a 2005 porsche 911 for a while. that thing would go berzerk if you werent buckled up. something about the German control mentality I suppose.

  4. GM pickups used to shut up after a few seconds but driving in the pasture or some place not a road trying to look out the window for something can be maddening in a Ford and the Dodge never gives up. Buckle up and sit and the damn thing.

    Several years ago Texas made the backseat passengers belt up. Nothing better than coming in to the house in the dark on dark roads and Nobody’s buckled up. Hit the lights of town and everybody reaches for their belt, what a pain. You can’t even lie down to get some sleep without being belted.

    Texas is turning into yankee heaven goddamnit. And the DPS claims they can’t find enough recruits so every ossifer now has a name tag of Flores, Domingez, etc. I’ve seen some with their big cowboy hats on that were well shorter than the vehicle. It used to be huge guys that towered over it. You might think that would be worse, but no, there’s nothing worse than the “little man syndrome”. It’s damn right deadly.

    • Hey 8,

      My 2002 Dodge Dakota doesn’t beep at me even once if I don’t buckle up. It just shows an innocuous, easy to ignore, light on the dash.

      Cheers,
      Jeremy

      • Jeremy, same for my Z 71. Just a small light on the dash that doesn’t even blink. It has another light I’ve never seen off that indicates the passenger airbag is off. I once asked the wife if she wanted me to turn it on when she was riding passenger. I got a dirty look. We never even discussed or even thought about it again.

        The airbag light on her car began flashing one day and we both freaked, afraid they’d go off. Well, that was the book said. Fortunately, the book was wrong(I suppose)and it only needed an alternator.

  5. I sometimes buckle the belt but put the shoulder strap behind my back. If I’m wearing a shirt that’s silky or has no collar, it slides up and presses right on my neck. It’s annoying as hell and I don’t see how that’s good for my safety.
    I got pulled over and the cop noticed it and said I wasn’t wearing it. I tried to argue that I am wearing it. Does the law actually stipulate HOW you wear it? If I was in an old car, all I would have is the lap belt and that would be ok. This is no different, right?
    Wrong.
    But I didn’t argue to hard because I was actually being stopped for a number of violations: speeding, failure to use a turn signal, aggressive passing of what turned out to be an unmarked cop car. He was a good old boy, an older man, and I had a feeling if I played the silly little girl routine, I’d get lucky. All I got was the $20 seatbelt ticket. Ironic because that was the one violation I didn’t actually commit. I was wearing the thing, dammit!

  6. Some manufacturers build in defeats to the seat belt chimes. All our FCA vehicles, 300, Grand Cherokee, Charger, can be defeated with a procedure you can easily find on the net. The display still shows a warning for a few seconds every time you stop but NO chimes, yeaaaah. Thank you FCA Engineers!!!!!
    My new 18 F150 doesn’t do the chime thing for some reason, but I did buy it used so maybe the prior owner did the defeat thing?
    My old GMC 1500 (14) did the chime thing only one cycle, then would stop.

    • I am driving my fourth Mustang in a row. My husband has fixed it on all of them. He does some kind of voodoo with the fob. The light comes on but no chiming. I wonder, is this something Ford did on purpose or is it a rogue engineer there? If the company wanted to stop the ability to disable the bell, I’m sure it could. I rather like the thought of Ford giving Uncle the finger. I hope that’s the case.

    • On many Ford trucks, many other Ford vehicles, and many other vehicles, simply holding the seatbelt unlatching button in for for 3 seconds after ya start the vee-hickle, or when the beeper starts beeping, will deactivate the belt warning till the next time ya start it.

  7. The only way around this would be to either place items in the trunk, or put ’em on the floor. Then they won’t be on the back seats, so the seat belt sensors and alarm won’t be triggered

    • I bought a couple of little shim-like things that fit into the seat belt latches (the receiver part) and utterly fool the system into thinking the seat belts are fastened. Law of unintended consequences: I used to mostly use my seat belts, more or less. Now that I’ve got those things in place, almost never.

      • Hi Bill,

        “Buckle up” makes me furious… the whole idea of being told (and threatened) to do something “for my safety” by another adult, who has no business involving himself in my affairs. It makes me want to start throwing punches.

        • eric, for decades big rigs had a thing right under the seat belt that would lock on the seat belt and you could get some slack and then flip it up or down to lock the lap belt. A belt that won’t always turn loose immediately so you can lean out is a huge hazard, maybe a fatal one and the trucking industry knows this. Nothing like having something you realize may be a life taker and you bolt way out to look in a mirror since you’re turning and that sumbitch stops you. It’s trying to kill you or someone else.

          I use the same type of thing in a pickup that just clamps it and blends in with the belt or looks like part of the bs where the belt exits the seats(oh, how I hate those types). Just pull it to where it doesn’t bother you and latch the thing. I just stuff the seatbelt down beside me when I get out so I don’t have to mess with it every time. It’s always adjusted and fits comfortably, i.e., just hanging over you.

      • Those “little shim like things” are just the male buckle part of the seatbelt that you could get out of most any junk car: just whack the buckle piece off the end of the belt.

    • We disabled it on my Mustang but all the other chimes still work. I am glad to still have my “hey idiot, you left your lights on” chime, as well as the one that tells me I forgot to put the car in park. Believe it not, this was a problem for awhile as I am driving my first automatic trans in 12 years.

      • Amy, the early 90’s GM pickups had the light switch right at the top outside corner of the dash. Since I’d have to stand in the door to clean the windshield, I’d get against that switch. In the day you don’t noticed the lights being on but you do when you get in it and the batteries are dead. I got tired of that and put my “dinger” control back in. It only dinged for leaving the lights on and the turn signal. Hell, both of those are good things in my book. Don’t know why i ever removed it but glad I kept it. It dings for Key in Ignition too and that’s not a bad thing either.

        I haven’t been able to stand on the ground and clean the entire windshield on a pickup since my last 77 half ton 2WD. Speaking of which, I need to clean and was my windows today. Some of those washer fluids put a wax on that works pretty well but nothing works as good as wax…..doesn’t make a damn what kind in my experience. Use a cleaner wax or just a regular carnuba wax or one of the new silicon waxes and you don’t have to clean the windshield nearly as often and the bugs aren’t baked on…..like they always are in west Texas. I sometimes clean the windows with a window cleaner(although 50/50 water/vinegar does a fine job) and then clean them with 0000 steel wool and then wax them. Just don’t use steel wool on dirty glass.

  8. And yet another Tesla burns up in Austria. The NH-TSA sees no problemo with this or driverless cars running around parking lots or cars cruising down the highway at 70+ with the occupant asleep. But better buckle up because ” It’s the LAW! ”

    Incredible!

  9. Now if there was a way to shut those things off (permanently). Oh right, can’t have that either, as most people would shut them off never to be heard again………

    It’s yet another reason they don’t like people moding the software. There would be good workarounds for all that crap.

    • There is a way around it for some, maybe most vehicles. See my post above. There were solutions for several makes/models on this site. For my car, I checked both belts were unbuckled, turned on the ignition, waited one minute, then buckled and unbuckled the drivers seat belt nine times in fifty seconds or less. Chimes quit. I did it to an 2010 Imprezza I use to own too. It’s chime was monstrous. If you do this, keep the procedure on file. If you ever disconnect the battery, you will have to do it again.

      https://www.answers.com/Q/Disable_the_seatbelt_warning_chime_in_the_Mazda_CX7

    • No, it’s a hero! They call it a “grinder” here, but I ain’t from around here, so I’m sticking with hero- one of the few legitimate uses of the word! (But I always wished “hoagie” would become the universal term….but unfortunately, “sub” seems to have won out)

      • Yall quit, you’re making me nauseous. Nothing worse for you than le Big Mac or a Subway chemical sandwich.

        I’ve failed to take enough food on the road and have just gone without cause I didn’t find a good place to eat. There used to be a place in Garden City, Texas, right slap dab in the middle of oil central, the intersection of Ranch Road 33 and Texas 158 that went from Seagraves to way the hell down past Sterling City…..maybe Ballinger. They had bbq and real burgers(1 lb, couldn’t eat the whole thing) and pulled pork on buns or their Fracing Tacos that were damn good. I always substituted one ingredient for jalapenos. You could get 2 or 3. Don’t know how any one person could eat 3 or even 2. I’d get 2, eat one(stuffed)and stick the other in the cooler. When I ran out of food from the house, I’d just live with it and after a couple days, it didn’t make any difference, I wasn’t hungry. When I was young I only ate something if it came from the house and that’s how I still am. Not eating for 3 or 4 days is good for you. I never said I wouldn’t stop at a Mexican honk and eat maters and jalos and pour down some Lone Star.

        • There are Subways all over Alaska. One in Barrow, used to be one in Dillingham but it closed, places on the highway system tend to be full of them.

          I still eat there occasionally… VERY occasionally, because the food is revolting and the price is absurd for how much you get.

          • While I was too young to buy a rig that would do the Alaskan pipeline, I used to see the pics of those older guys who ran that dangerous route. I saw one pic of a pass cut into a mountain during such bad weather that every sort of animal you can imagine were huddled there butt to butt, wolves with reindeer, mountain lions with deer and every combo you can imagine. I had never thought how Mother Nature could stop the natural predation of all sorts of animals til I saw that.

            The trucker that showed me that was running a rig he bought especially for that. He got into a storm(no communication back them)that laid down ice on a steep mountain road(not highway) that he slid backward and only stopped by jackknifing his trailer into the inside of the cut.

            His tractor was way down on the outside with all the weight settling there and he sat there 3 days before a helicopter came and dropped 1500′ of cable down to him to pull him into that pass where the animals had been during it all. The pictures were fascinating. He worked his ass off and should have been rolling in dough but got stiffed for 3 months pay by the company he was working for. That was a lot of money since the only reason to do this was the exceptional pay. Of course he had hard feelings but seemed to take it all in stride. Once screwed and some thief declares bankruptcy when they’ve accumulated enough money, there’s little you can do. All they had to do was change their name in a “right to work” state and they’d be off to screw a lot more people. Trucking has always been a dog eat dog thing as far as the companies that hire you go.

            When I quit an oilfield company, they owed me $2800 of which I got $500. It was their reward for when somebody couldn’t handle their bs anymore.

            But Alaska looked so wild and beautiful it would take your breath away. My cousins worked there are pipefitters and tried to get me to go with them. They grew up in the patch (Midland)and I grew up on the edge. Their dad was a plumber liable to be working anywhere.

            My dad was an office manager and my uncles were truckers. I was more suited to trucking. My aunt taught me to drive a big rig when I was 11. I had to stand up and lean against the edge of the seat. It’s tough to clutch a big rig standing up and trying to shift standing up and clutching while barely seeing over the dash with a huge steering wheel about chin high.

            When I started driving a diesel my uncle was watching me clutch it and said “Uh uh, don’t use that clutch, just let the gears synchronize and slide it from one to the next.” Damn, was that ever easier and easier on the rig. I made it grind and he said “Don’t do that, I need those gears”. I learned really quickly. He was asleep when I hit an overpass with a high load. He jumped up and said he forgot to tell me about that. That was all that was said. It was a done deal and we rolled up the ruined tarp and bought another once back to the house. I guess he needed a new one…..or that’s what I always told myself when I tore up something on my own rig. Not much else to say. It is what it is. Lesson learned. Big rig trucking is just one lesson after the other. Ruining that tarp didn’t mean I wouldn’t and didn’t ruin one of my own. Oh well, I needed a new one(not really, I had a new one) but what can you say. Back in those days, the wife was sympathetic.

            We were working on different jobs on the truck one nice day. She was painting(thankless job)and I was doing rear-end work. I said something and she responded and since she was on one end and I was on the other, we had to speak loudly. It devolved into one of those things and I have no doubt I was the one to start the bad part of it. Problem being we lived in town and all the neighbors were outside working. Before we knew it we were screaming Fuck You and the other replying NO, Fuck You and it went on a few fuck you’s till we caught ourselves. Dirty and hot and tired. We cleaned up a bit, drove to the county line and got some cold beer. We’d laugh about it after a few cold one and a few tokes. We were in a better mood the next day and vowed to never live in town again. That was in 1975 and we never did….live in town again and still haven’t.

            In our younger days with expensive stereo equipment we’d put a couple sets of studio speakers hooked to a big amp and pre-amp and graphic equalizer and jam out with the deer and “cantaloupe” and dogs and cats and coyotes and mountain lions. That was truly living. I’d live in a dugout, the one 100′ from our house before moving to town again.

            Funny how the poorer we were when young, the more fun we had. Not nearly as fun now but one hell of a lot funner than living in town.

            When my dad passed away, well, he actually died, my eldest sister tried to get me to move into his house, a really nice house but in town. I told her I’d pay taxes and insurance on it forever and still never live in it. He lived too close to town as it was. No thanks. I need a close neighbor like I need another butthole.

          • I’ve never eaten at a Subway in my life- it looks gross. I think the last time I had a hero out, was when I was a kid, and my friend’s parents owned the best hero shop in the NY metro area…… All good homemade stuff, and packed on [Not just for me- for everyone- which is why the place was always packed, and why they only lasted a few years] Made on REAL eye-talian bread…not those wimpy Italian bread-shaped rolls like they use at Subway.

            • Honestly, there isn’t much good fast food, especially in Alaska. Subway, though, they try to make themselves look like the healthy and “fit” restaurant, but I honestly think McDonald’s makes slightly better food, which is saying a lot.

              • McDonald’s makes(when you get the taste for it)a good tasting mix of chemicals. There’s barely anything you can pronounce on their list of ingredients they’re supposed to have at least on the wall.

                We just watched a long video where I guy is (no doubt paid)to eat nothing but McDonald’s “stuff” for a month. It damn near killed him. His BP near the end was 175/90 and it was really healthy when he started. His cholesterol counts were through the roof and triglycerides were almost to the point of ruining his liver.

                They sell “super-size” for just a bit more. It’s so addictive when you don’t have it you feel bad and get depressed. You can tell by looking the people who eat there quite a bit.

                The last time I went to a McD I was going through a big town and got hungry but failed to stop at any of the other fast food places so it was McD or go way the hell out of the way and double back. I got the “burrito from hell” I didn’t finish. I can eat their fries but the oil they use is really bad for you. That was back in early ’08 and the last time I ate anything there.

                • McD’s has decent breakfasts, which I eat once every week or so. Otherwise, I try to avoid ’em unless there’s NOTHING ELSE to eat and I’m hungry. Just the thought of eating McD’s for a month makes me sick, and I’m no health food fanatic, either…

                  • I don’t understand how Mickey D’s stays in business: If you blindfolded someone, and gave ’em a Big Mac, I don’t even think they’d be able to guess that it was a hamburger.

                    Back many years ago when I used to occasionally eat that stuff, I’d always go for Burger King- flame broiled..it really tasted like a hamburger- a grilled one, no less- and the fixings were delic and tasted real (Albeit, they were probably recycled Colorforms!).

                    Had a Whopper for the first time in probably 20 years recently, just for old time’s sake- and it was still the same! I actually enjoyed it.

                    When I go to town and drive past BK, I’m almost tempted to get another. BK has MUCH better burgers…but McD’s has Ronald McDonald- that Burger King character is kinda creepy…maybe that’s why BK lags behind- but ya’d think that people would judge by the food quality, rather than the mascots….

                    • Hi Nunz!

                      Amen on BK… every once in awhile, I indulge in a couple of the little Whoppers (you can get two of them for about $3). As you say, they’re decent. I will not patronize McDonalds for several reasons – the first of which isn’t that the food is vile. It is their race-peddling (e.g., “Black 365”) and that got-damned clown.

                    • Ah, Eric! Methinks I am missing something by not partaking of mass-media…. Something which I am lucky to be missing! (Now that you mention it…I seem to remember, even from decades ago when I used to be a viewer, that it changed from a nice young white girl singing You Deserve A Break Today…to Gimme Muh F&*^ng Foiod Muffugger!, or something like that5…)

                    • Hi Nunz,

                      It may just be that my childhood memories of the way things used to taste aren’t accurate reflections of their actual taste, but most fast food today is literally disgusting to me. I used to love KFC as a kid; about two years go, after decades away from the stuff, I had a hankering and bought a bucket. It was repellent; unfit to feed to homeless dogs. I threw the whole mess away. It stank of death.

                    • No, you are absolutely correct, Eric!

                      Not just fast food either. Most things!

                      I no longer buy ice cream. I have experienced it over the years go from creamy and delicious…to just overly-sweet schlock.

                      I’ve always been one to read the ingredients on things. I like to know what I’m eating. You can see the difference just by the changes in ingredients- and these days, they’re changing them constantly.

                      Ever buy something and think “Hey, the box/container is a little different”? If you’re familiar with the ingredients of a specific item…re-read the ingredient list when you’ve noticed that the package has changed…you’ll see that so have the ingredients changed.

                      Used to happen evcery few years…now it seems they’re changing things every few months1

                      It costs a lot of money to change the packaging…they don’t just do it for the hell of it.

                      I think thast people who regularly eat a lot of junk/sweet/fast food just simply are so used to the artificialness of it all, that eating it regularly, they don’t even notice the gradual changes.

                      But those of us who rarely partake, we notice the changes, because in the relatively long time period in which we haven’t eaten it…there have been a LOT of cumulative changes…but to the regulars, it’s just gradualism…little changes, little by little- so they don’t notice.

                      It’s getting to the point where there’s so little that I can even eat in the supermarket… I have to get back to growing more of my own. I like growing stuff- it’s just tough when you’re a botchelor[sic], ’cause ya only need small quantities….. Ideally, I’d like to live where what I eat grows year-round and is always there for the picking.

                    • Even their salads contain more calories(very bad one)than a big mac. They sell chemicals. Their food is poison, literally. I haven’t eaten any since the early 70’s….and I’m the guy who used to hate truck stop food, and it wasn’t necessarily that bad, just according where you ate.

                      We tried a Jack in the Box one night, been a day or two since we’d eaten. I was maybe a quarter mile away when I rolled down the window and chunked it and the wife sent hers out the other window.

                      Not many places open late back then so we just made it up with beer and got some great food the next day at Buck’s, a restaurant in Edna, Texas. Fresh local produce delivered every day and home grown beef right outside the window. Damn, that was a great place to eat. Another good restaurant in Wharton but not quite on Buck’s level.

                    • There was a time when, of all the fast food places, I would actually eat Toxic Hell…err…Taco Bell. Some of their crap- regular tacos; Nachos Bel Grande; Chalupas, weren’t bad….

                      And then even that went to hell.

                      It’s a travesty- that enough people eat enough of all this crap, to make fast food a thrivcing multi-billion dollar industry. And I could even see some burnt out college kid or homeless guy eating it (not that they could afford to)- but what’s crazy is, a lot of people are buying it for their KIDS!

                      Gee…why are little Johnny and Sally pre-diabetic and have heart conditions when they’re TWELVE?!

                      And the YOOGE cups of soda! The food is bad enough. I mean, O-K, maybe a hamburger or something wouldn’t hurt them once in a while…but a lot of folks are getting this crap several times per week, and then multiplying it by like 3 by drinking that huge soda!

                      Pay your Obozocare fine, so little johnny can get a free quadruple bypass and insulin therapy before he’s 20….

                    • eric, they used real chickens at one time. And it wasn’t greasy when cooked.

                      Don’t recall the last time I bought a bucket of KFC but have bought a box from some other source. It is gross and does have a bad smell.

                    • I pick up some KFC for my mother once in a while. That shit is expensive!

                      Funny, that ya see one in every ‘hood in this country, packed with members of the free-shit army……

                      I remember back in the early 80’s, when the Bushwick section of Brooklyn was a burnt-out wasteland.
                      https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/newpix/2018/10/17/15/5067AD6000000578-6286603-She_added_There_were_so_many_abandoned_and_closed_up_buildings_a-a-19_1539787059529.jpg KFC and a liquor store were the only busy-nesses ya’d see for miles around.

                    • In my early teens my two running buddies were apey for KFC. I guess I got too much of it at home.

                      I preferred good seafood since it was tough to get in west Texas.

                    • Popeyes is considered a status symbol in the ghetto community.

                      Church’s Chicken is for the really poor jigs. Interestingly, the remaining Church’s restaurants are located in the poorest of neighborhoods in the area.

                  • Nunz, didn’t you one say something about Breyer’s? There’s a YT vid where a guy takes Breyer’s out of the round paper thing with nothing to keep the lid on and lets it sit in a bowl on the counter. After a couple weeks it was still just a lump of something. Then if you look at ingredients, you find out why.

                    • Canadian Breyer’s vanilla,

                      FRESH CREAM, MODIFIED MILK INGREDIENTS, SUGAR, CONDENSED SKIM MILK AND/OR SKIM MILK POWDER, GLUCOSE, NATURAL VANILLA FLAVOUR, MONO AND DIGLYCERIDES, VEGETABLE GUMS (GUAR, CAROB BEAN), CITRIC ACID, NATURAL COLOUR, NATURAL FLAVOUR.

                      U.S.A Breyer’s vanilla,
                      CONDENSED SKIM MILK AND/OR SKIM MILK POWDER, WATER, CREAM, MALTODEXTRIN (FIBRE), SWEETENERS (ERYTHRITOL, MALTITOL SYRUP, STEVIA EXTRACT), SUGAR, MILK PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, FROZEN EGG YOLKS, NATURAL VANILLA FLAVOUR, VEGETABLE GUMS (CAROB BEAN, GUAR)

                    • Yeah, I did rant about Breyers before, 8.

                      Used to be good stuff years ago. Then they started making it cheaper and cheaper…to the pernt where it’s cheaper today than it was 20 years ago.

                      Damn shame.

                      Wonder if someone bought them out? Seems to be the typical scenario: Company pays hundreds of millions for a name…then proceeds to destroy said name by changing the product to crap- like Stanley did to DeWilt.

                      What’s the pernt to paying all that money for a recognizable name, iffin yer just gonna destroy what made the name worth something?!

                    • Anon, guar is a might cheap ingredient. I’ve hauled countless loads of it for horse and hog feed.

                    • Breyer’s used to be great back in the day. I think the last time I had it was over 15 years ago. It was full of air and left my tongue feeling weird.

                      I’ve tried many brands since but still haven’t been able to find a suitable replacement for the old Breyer’s.

                      I’ve come to the conclusion that all grocery store ice cream is garbage. Even the brand with those two Marxist homos on it. I like smooth ice cream, not massive chucks of candy and nuts in it!

            • For those of us who grew up in NY or NJ, where REAL subs are available, Subway is a barely tolerable substitute when nothing better is available. Thankfully, we have a Jersey Mike’s near me, so I can get REAL subs whenever I want one… 🙂

              • Yeah, Mark- thems are the only good things about NY/NJ- real heroes, and real pizza! (And even those things are pretty much down to just Joisey now, since all the Dagos moved out of NY).

                Just looking at Subway stuff is enough to keep me from eating it- it looks fake- Like a school-lunch version of the real thing that it’s trying to be!

                It’s not like you’re getting a professionally-made product…just some low-grade supermarket ingredients assembled by some high-school kid.

        • When I got my first computer, I was wondering if they still made those potato chips I had encountered in the Midwest years ago- Guy’s. Instead of using a search injun, I just figgered I’d try “guys dot com”….

          DO NOT DO THAT!!!! My eyes still hurt, and I still occasionally puke. Had to burn that computer.

      • They’re called “po’ boys” around here. My Yankee mother grew up with “grinders”. Ugh.

        It’s impossible to make a good po’ boy now because all the good mayonnaise brands started using soybean oil. I remember how good Hellmann’s used to be. I miss the glass jars, too.

        • A plastic bottle feels cheap and rinky-dink, even if the contents are amazing.

          A glass bottle feels like everything is right with the world.

          I can’t explain it, but there you go.

        • Miracle Whip still tastes like it always did. I like the tangy zip. That reminds me we’re out of horseradish and that just won’t do. I like to mix butter and horseradish as a dip for berled shrimps.

          • I use a Heinz product imported from the Netherlands that tastes very similar to Miracle Whip. No soybean oil and high fructose corn syrup.

              • It’s called Heinz Salad Cream. Amazon sells it. A grocery store with a good international foods section may have it as well.

                • Thanks much Handler. I’ll look for it at Amazon. Beats hell out of driving 120 miles to a assortment of grocery stores.

                  Like the Mezzeta, driving to various towns and not finding it(why everyone dropped it within a few months is a mystery to me.) is expensive and very time-consuming.

      • Nunzio,

        “They call it a “grinder” here”

        In Hawaii the appetizer is called pupu and the meal is called grinds.

        Barbaric.

        • Tu,
          Sounds more like what ya’d do after eating the stuff….

          People here in KY eat the blandest food I’ve ever seen in my life! I gave this girl my recipe (Not that I have a recipe- it’s just a few obvious ingredients and a few spices) for potatoes, squash & onions…..she thought it was the greatest thing she ever had…..

          • Nunz, you need to make her one of the meals I eat. She probably couldn’t eat it. I eat extremely hot food, as in peppers and lots of spices.

            We love Mezzeta habanero sauce but all the stores we went to no longer had it all of a sudden. I don’t know why but it prompted me to use the net and go to Mezzeta’s website. I bought a case of 12 bottles for $20 directly from them.

            Maybe I can find a source of mayo I don’t have to make without soybean oil. Not only is all soybean GMO but the land gets sprayed before planting, during growing and then a really hot dose to kill it so it’s all ready for harvest at the same time.

            • 8, Yeah, I love hot stuff too!

              There’s just plain flavorful (which some call spicy) as in Eye-talian cooking, with garlic and red pepper and oregano and basil… ‘Round here, that’d even be too much for most!

              Then there’s the hot stuff!

              I recently splurged and got myself a bottle of Bunster’s Shit The Bed hot sauce from Australia…. Yeah, it’s decently hot, as advertised…but not at all sweet or flavorful. It’s not just heat I’m after… If it ain’t got real depth of flavor and some sweetness…it ain’t nothing!

              • Nunz, I have heard of a product called Insanity. Problem is, I can’t find any.

                Of course so many people say this or that will leave you at the ER but I never found it.

                In Mexico, at my first meal with my friends, they had a heavy sauce and I asked about it since there was little there.

                Everyone grinned and said Try it, try it. So I put a spoonful and some vegetable dish. It was really flavorful and fairly hot. They all just stared. You could have heard a pin drop except for my nephew that was cawing like crazy.

                I then doused just about everything on the plate. It had an excellent taste and pretty hot. I found some for sale and brought a bunch back but not enough. It was gone too quickly. Wish I could recall the name. But it certainly wasn’t as hot as stuff I’ve mixed up with habaneros, Thai Hots, original jalos, cayenne’s and very hot green chili’s. Not all green chili’s are the same but when you raise them, you can compare one seed company’s fruit to other sources. Ghost peppers are not all the same . In fact, some refer to habaneros as ghost peppers. Across the board though, I’ll take habaneros for pure heat and hopefully a good taste, one reason they need other peppers mixed with them.

                When I make green sauce, it’ll wake you up but it has a great taste. I’ll try to find your email and send you my recipe.

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