The Eggplant Behind the Wheel

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If you wanted to get people to fear driving – with the idea that, in time, they would no longer have any desire to drive – how best to go about it?

You might pass laws requiring they grow up learning to be afraid of cars – as by requiring their earliest memories of being inside one being strapped down inside of one. Serial, almost hypnopaedic conditioning about the need to always be “buckled up.”  

You might tell them that they need assistance driving, even down to the most basic things that used to be generally regarded as minimum baseline-competences for obtaining a license to drive. For instance, being able to park curbside.

Equip the car with a system that assists them with this task, such that is no longer necessary to develop the baseline-competence to perform it themselves. Watch the baseline competence become a rarely seen high-order skill.

Tout the necessity – for safety – of more such assistance.

Without it, drivers might not be able to keep the car in its travel lane, a truly skills-challenging task. Might – and probably will – fail to apply the brakes in time to avoid running into something. Or back up into something. Have the car apply the brakes to prevent it. Keep itself in its travel lane, with steering assistance. Assist him with the opening and closing of the car’s doors, even.

By this point, the “driver” hardly is.

So why even bother?

That is the other side of this coin.

A person who never truly learned how to drive – without assistance – is someone who never developed the confidence to drive that is a core component of what makes it fun to drive. No one enjoys having to do something they don’t feel confident doing. It’s why many people dislike and avoid dancing, for instance. Especially when it’s made very clear in advance that there is no expectation for them to ever get good at it because they aren’t capable of it.

There is a vicious derisiveness implicit in needing such assistance. Not just to learn.

But forever.

You are inept, possibly an imbecile. Certainly unteachable. People lower themselves to such expectations, whether behind the wheel or anywhere else in life. They inevitably require more assistance the less is expected of them.

A point is reached – and will be – at which the steering wheel and other controls become vestigial appendages, like the appendix. This is already the functional fact in no small degree. For example, electrically assisted steering does not need assistance – from the driver. It has the capability to steer itself. And – more to the point – to countermand your steering inputs.

If you have been behind the wheel of a car with electric power steering and Lane Keep Assistance you will have felt this peremptory  assertion of steering control yourself. Your hands on the wheel are not unlike the hands of a tot on the “wheel” of a grocery cart at the supermarket designed to let the tot play driver and so keep him occupied while mom guides the cart through the aisles.

It is the same with pedals that formerly gave the driver control over the car’s acceleration and deceleration. They are still there but as ornaments. The car – via its programming – controls acceleration and deceleration now, allowing the person behind the wheel to entertain the illusion it is all under his control. Just as the tot believes the cart is going where he steers it.

Of course, the tot is supposed to grow up and move on. The eggplant behind the wheel – of the assisted car – isn’t.

Ever.

He is trained to be perpetually hobbled by his own lack of competence, purposefully stunted. Taught to fear what he is constantly reminded in endless henpecky ways – e.g.,  “car head is moving” – a new variety of assistance that is based on the premise the eggplant behind the wheel is unable to notice and react to the fact without the prod of assistance – that the most basic competences are beyond his capacities.

Even to the extent of reminding him not to forget there’s a kid in the back seat.

Is it any wonder he never learns to feel comfortable in the role of driver? Just as the person who never gets comfortable talking in front of a group never overcomes his dread of that, having never learned the confidence that arises from competence, which develops from learning how to do it.

The driver who never learns how to but who has learned to fear everything associated with driving is apt to welcome being relieved altogether of what, from his point-of-view, is the burden of driving.

He will not miss the loss of control over a thing he never felt he really had much control over in the first place. It will be easy for him to assume the role of full-time eggplant within the fully-assisted car. It will transport him from A to B without the bother of his having to do anything more than sit down and wait.

Without even the distraction of a “steering wheel” not connected to anything to play with while he waits.

. . .

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52 COMMENTS

  1. I took my 2017 F-150 in for an oil change a few weeks ago. The service tech checking me in asked if I would be interested in trading in on something newer. They were looking for 2017’s to add to their stock. I told him “no, I don’t want anything newer because it has nanny tech/crap I don’t want”. A salesman contacted me a few days later asking the same thing, and I gave him the same answer.
    I’ve driven a 2018 and a 2020 for work. In the 2018, you cannot mess with an attached mp3 player from the faceplate. The vehicle has to be stopped for those features to work, ’cause saaaafety. I got around that by unplugging the mp3 player and doing it from the device, which is more distracting. It also had stop/start. That was always annoying.
    The 2020 had the crash avoidance warning light. I was able to disable that, which is probably not the case on 2021 and newer. I have a built in crash avoidance system. The sensors are located on my face either side of my nose. They aren’t as good as when I was a kid though, but they still work.
    If I could afford it, I would love to have a mid 90’s import Land Cruiser with a diesel and manual transmission.

  2. I refuse to drive an appliance. My grandfather often said, “Drive as if everyone else on the road is an idiot”. I am currently driving a Maxima SE standard drive (2001) with 167,000 miles and all needed repairs to keep it on the road for another 150,000 miles. My excellent driving skills, this vehicle and my grandfather’s advice have kept me safe for 22 years.

  3. My wife got the “Check rear seats” alarm the other day when she left her tennis bag in the back. The next (warm) day while running errands I left the windows cracked open, and the car sent a warning to her phone at home. She finds these things entertaining, sort of like when the dog drags its butt across the rug because of an itch.

    • Ugh, I don’t want my car sending me emails. I just want to go out to the garage, put the key in it, and hear it cut on. It is has one purpose – to move. I am dreading having to buy a new car. I want basic, bare bones, no email/texts, no annoying beeping sounds, no drive correction, etc. Four wheels, an engine, working brakes, a good radio, and a coffee cup holder is all that I require.

      • Amen, RG –

        This Lexus RX I’m driving right now? Glance off to the left or right and the thing will scold you like an annoying mother-in-law via an irritating chime that is part of the “distracted driver” detection system.

        It’s all I can do to not hit something…

        • Oh, lord, I can’t handle that. If this is what I have to choose from I am screwed. My father has a 2015 GMC Denali and the damn thing shakes when you get too close to a drive in window. I can’t drive it. The last damn thing I want is some car nagging at me. The most annoying thing on my 2014 Highlander is the seat belt chiming, but I just turn up the radio until it stops.

          • Speaking of seat belt alarms, I’m in the habit of popping my belt off as soon as I pull into our driveway. With our other cars, the chime barely has time to do its thing before I get to the house, about 800 feet away. But the Corolla starts making noise immediately, and the dings get closer together the farther you go. The old cars are like Mr. Rogers reminding you to put your coat on before you go outside, whereas the new one equates to the hosts of The View screaming “Racist!”

        • The next “feature” is going to be “I.Q. Recognition”, and will disable the vehicle if the left-seat-occupant rates anything above 50 points. The fact that CO2 is now labeled an “environmental threat”, is a clear indicator as to where all this crap is headed, and who is doing it.

      • Oh, I’m with you there, RG. We try to keep a sense of humor about it. Once we get bored with provoking the thing just to see what it does next, I’m sure we’ll turn all of that crap off. The lamest features like Lane Departure Alert and braking assist for people too stupid to not hit stuff that’s right in front of them got the axe immediately.
        We were reluctant about getting a hybrid, but that’s about the only choice in a new car if you want decent mileage. And the Toyotas are relatively cheap. If I could have found something like my ’83 Jetta turbodiesel – light, fun to drive, and 60 mpg on the highway – I would have jumped on it. But those days are gone.
        Funny you should mention “put the key in and hear it cut on.” When you push the Power button on the Corolla, the engine only starts if it feels like it, which I assume is if the battery is getting low or you are demanding heat or AC. Most of the time it is silent when backing out of the garage except for the annoying backup noisemaker, the speaker for which is – get this – in the front bumper.

      • You and me both RG. I am hanging on to my 2009 Mazda 3 TS2 for one very good reason – the only driver assistance is has is DSC (Dynamic Stability Control) which I can – and do – switch off at the touch of a button. It is moderately cheap to rum, comfortable enough, will more than double our 70 mph speed limit on the clock and has more than enough performance for our decrepit and crumbling UK roads. Why would I want to change?

        • I hang onto my ’07 WRX, Ken, for this reason, as well. It is old, has a lot of miles on it (254,000), and will make a decent back up. It doesn’t have a tire nanny, no cameras, nothing! And it is great! Manual trans… Sigh, I wish I could make it last forever.

    • I get that warning as well when I tum my car off. But, no audio alarm, thankfully. Came in part, I suppose because some stupid parent forgot their kid in the back seat all day long.

      • Hi Shadow,

        Who are these people that forget their kids in the backseat of their car? Do their children not make noise? I remember being a young mom and being bone tired getting by on 2-3 hours a sleep at night – never once forgot the kid was in the car. Do they forget the groceries? The dogs? Bet, they don’t forget their phone.

        • I don’t know but in this day and age when you have to warn people that coffee is hot, you know society a whole has sunk down to a whole new level of dumbing down. It is equally sad and terrifying to know that these same people who need such reminders also vote. Not that it matters much (voting) anymore…

          • Amen, Shadow –

            It’s not a stretch to assert – as I am going to – that America jumped the shark when that woman successfully sued McDonald’s after she spilled hot coffee on herself at a drive-thru. Coffee is hot. Well, it used to be. Now it’s warm – for safety – and the cups have warnings to hip people to the fact that the hot (now warm) drink they just bought is . . . well, you know.

            When I was a teenager, I was fiddling with my old Camaro one day. It had rained and pavement was wet. As I was leaning over the fender to time the engine, I lost my footing on the wet pavement and my right hand (well, two fingers) ended up getting ripped up by a fan belt/pulley. Should GM have shrouded the pulleys/belts to “keep me safe”? Maybe I ought to have sued…

            • Probably not back then. You would have been laughed out of the courtroom. But today? All you need are a few crybaby liberals on the jury and you would rack in a few million bucks. But as you are in Virginia I would ask for an exhorbant amount to compensate for the big chunk of taxes the lovely (cough cough) commonwealth would take from you…

        • Shadow, it’s also pretty comical what the road sign geniuses think they have to warn drivers about. My favorite was a couple of years ago on our lightly traveled county road right after it was resurfaced: “No Center Stripe.”
          As if we’re too dumb to ascertain the absence of a stripe by simply looking at the road and seeing that there isn’t one.

          • LMAO, oh Lord…if someone (a driver) cannot figure out where the centre of the road is, they should not even have a car! Even when the road is full of snow, we ALL know where the centre of the road is! Hell, we hug it for dear life after a massive dump of snow, and pity the driver in the oncoming lane (what there of it), as that means some dumb bastard (and hopefully, not me) has to move over to wherever the heck the side of the road is, and pray the snow (or wherever the edge of the road is that you cannot see) does not suck you right into the ditch.

  4. I just bought a 2023 Crostrek, with the manual transmission, the last of it’s kind. My daily driver prior to that was a 2007 GMC Envoy, which now has 303K miles on it. It still runs great. I fix things as they break. I am keeping it as rough and ready able to do crap jobs. If I keep it another 4 years it will be entitled to “old car” plates. It may also turn out to be an investment as the EV fever BURNS everyone.

  5. The sad tale of the Corvair and Nader’s demand something be done to save stupid and incompetent people from themselves is the root cause of all this. If you learned how to drive and maintain the Corvair it was a fantastic vehicle, an inexpensive Porsche for the masses. But most people can’t properly drive a 911 either. The high dollar price tag of the 911 kept it away from the masses, only for people with the inclination to own a $150,000 two seater with no trunk space.

  6. Our new Corolla Hybrid came with a lot of that crap. But it doesn’t have any blind-spot aid, which I actually would like to have, seeing as how the gigantic pillar holding 114 airbags makes it so hard to see what’s over there. Our 2015 Focus had a convex spotting mirror in the corner of the driver’s side mirror that did a great job covering that area. The Toyota doesn’t even have that.
    It appears that it is impossible these days to get the exact options that you want. Put your name on the list and when you get to the top, they’ll offer you the next one that comes in: Take it or leave it.

    • Roland, you need to adjust your outside mirrors to look at the “blind spot”.

      To do this sit in the driver seat and lean your head on the driver’s window. Adjust the mirror out until you see the rear door handle or back fender in the lower right (inside) corner of the mirror. Then lean to the center of the car and adjust the passenger side mirror so you see the door handle/fender in the lower left (inside) corner of the mirror. Now, when you sit in the normal position you can’t see your car in the side mirrors BUT, the mirrors now cover what was once a blind spot.

      When someone approaches from the rear they will be in your center mirror then in one of the side mirrors. When they advance far enough to be out of the side mirror your peripheral vision will pick them up.

      Don’t feel bad, I didn’t learn this technique until I was in my 60’s.

      • Once had a Subaru Impreza with side mirrors that simply would not adjust that far out. An ’05 I think. Had some close calls, and sold it.
        When using this technique, an important thing to remember is to frequently check your mirror adjustment, since you won’t see your car in them. If you or somebody else bumped your mirror out of adjustment, you won’t notice it when you get in the driver’s seat.

  7. Besides one-sixth of new car loans imposing payments over $1,000 a month, this statistic from Charlie Bilello (in an email this morning) is even more alarming:

    ‘New cars are increasingly becoming unaffordable. The average monthly payment for a new car has skyrocketed to $777, which is nearly double the average payment in late 2019 (Kelley Blue Book data).’

    Double, double, toil and trouble. When the recession hits, car sales are gonna crater hard. And all those repos from those who can’t swing $777 a month anymore will depress the used car market as well.

    When the time comes, hit it hard. Grab your FJB forever vehicle.

  8. I always enjoyed how lane keep just shuts itself off if the lines are gone due to a driveway etc. It just happily shuts off and the car tries to dart off the road. That was the first thing I shut off the first day I had my new car. The 2nd was the front radar. It sees things that aren’t even there and alarms all over the place and slams on the brakes. Even if there is absolutely nothing there. Gotta have the latest in tech huh? I felt truly stupid for paying for that garbage.

    • I live where we have 9 months of Winter. So one day I was driving a rental car that had the “saaafety” stuff, while my car was getting fixed. It had snowed, and the roads were clearing up, based on where people were driving. Thus, you drove where the roads were clear, the lines be damned. Even with the safety stuff turned off, the vehicle (in this case, a Toyota Forerunner) still tried to “steer” me into the lane, as I was hugging the right side of the lane, and was crossing into the solid line on the right side of the road. We do not give a damned where the lines are that time of year, we care where the roads are clear. But try to convince a pre-programmed computer that…

  9. Speaking of imbeciles….

    It’s getting worse. A few days ago I went to town 10 miles away to renew my permission for my vehicles to be allowed on the road, which includes being mulcted for the recurring yearly percent of their value that I must pay to Local Uncle for said “privilege”.

    On the way there, a car pulls out across the highway from a side road in front of me so that I had to brake somewhat vigorously. It’s a rural 2-lane highway…there were no other vehicles in sight….

    On the way home, as I’m heading out of the little town, another clod pulls out of the welfare office right in front of me! I had to schlamm on zee brakes!

    Two near misses in a 20 mile trip, in a sleepy rural area….

    Were they distracted? Vaxxed? Incompetent? Probably all of the above. Maybe they need a new “assistance technology” for that now….. (More likely, all of that crap is probably what’s distracting everyone!).

    This is why I don’t ride motorcicles- Had I been on a bike, I would have gone down on the latter incident.

  10. Some drivers are cabbage heads filled with loopers.

    An eggplant behind the wheel is a horse of a different color, indigo is it.

    Eggplant is in the same family as potatoes. Solanaceae spp., includes Jimson weed and moon flower, Nightshade.

    Potato bugs are attracted to eggplant plants as much as they are to potato plants. Tobacco is in the Nightshade family, one or two drops of pure nicotine on the tongue will be fatal. Tobacco is the most addictive plant in the world, numbers alone are proof.
    Great flowers on tobacco plants.

    Any potatoes with a green skin will contain higher amounts of nicotine.

    If you spot a car with potato bugs inside the car, the interior, you’ll know an eggplant is driving the device.

    Time for a change.

  11. As my Mazda3 approaches 10 years old, I’m beginning to think of getting a new vehicle. But I see all the safety crap that is on ALL vehicles now, and get sick and mad at the same time. I think that if I did a new vehicle and had to push multiple buttons and menus every time I started it to turn off the safety crap, I’d just stay mad all the time while driving it.

    • My 2018 Camry has saaaafety features which are easy to disable, but the long term problem is the unknown durability of the front-facing camera which enables the systems. Since the camera is always ‘on’, even with Lane Departure, etc. deactivated, I’ve seen the dash light up like a Christmas tree whenever the camera fails, even briefly, which has happened to me twice.

      Needless to say, the vehicle wouldn’t pass “inspection” where I live with the camera failing.

      The camera is a $1200 part from Toyota not counting labor to install.

  12. Eric, RG,

    “Star Trek” “Patterns of Force” ran last night on the national H&I feed. That’s the “Star Trek” art life in this country is currently imitating in my opinion.

  13. Only a country of “eggplants” would buy into the all EV future. Most of the population lacks the minimum scientific and economic education to understand that, a decade from now, after the elites lower the boom, most of them will ride a bus to work and not cruise to their employer’s parking lot at Ludicrous Speed.

  14. Captain Dunsel behind the wheel.

    If the car gets involved in an accident that results in death, will the car feel remorse and attempt suicide with its Dunsel passengers along for the ride?

    • Can you sue the car manufacturer? I inquired about that with my insurance company over the accident ABS was surely going to cause and they told me no. They told me it was approved by the insurance institute and I said oh, that’s you. So I sue you for causing an accident because you said the ABS was safe? I didn’t get an answer.

  15. A feature commonly available and installed on most of today’s automobiles is “traction control”. This “feature” is (supposed to) detect “slippage” and reduce engine power to minimize such “slippage”.
    This becomes a problem when traversing a grade where ice is present. In such cases you WANT to be able to increase engine power to make it over the grade.
    Traction control defeats this whole purpose and can be dangerous in such situations. Activated traction control makes it impossible to safely continue on…quite often causing the vehicle to roll backwards due to the lack of engine power…not good.
    One of the most important for today’s drivers, especially those who live in “snow country” (cold climates) is to know how to disable traction control. Read your owners manual. In most automobiles it is possible to disable it.

    • I have a Jeep Liberty with traction control. If you don’t turn it off in the winter, it’s hysterical when you have a driveway full of snow, put it in 4×4 and it won’t leave the driveway because the traction control locks up the brakes. Why? Because every tire would slip so it won’t let you leave.

      • I’ve only had one vehicle that had traction control. An ’08 Mazda Miata, and it worked quite well on ice. Kept it turned off the rest of the time. Of course the most annoying thing about that is it had to be turned off every time you start the car.

  16. I often wonder how a good portion of people I see on the road have enough mental acuity and awareness to even hold down a menial job to support themselves. Then I realize that Uncle Sugar is supporting them at the cost of the prosperity of the unborn. Natural selection has been abandoned long ago.

    • Local,
      I think the two are connected. That since the two major exports from the US are dollars and weapons, and the rest of the economy is service and debt, they have never faced a physical challenge more involved than tying their shoes, if that.

    • HR departments will tell you that anyone should be trainable to do any job. If they cannot be trained, it is the fault of the manager and trainer. If only a few highly skilled people can perform a task, ideally break it down until each task can be performed, or if that’s not possible, outsource and automate. You don’t want all your eggs in one basket. What if the guy with all the knowlege leaves? Or worse, holds the company hostage?

      Create positions that can be performed by anyone with a pulse, that way you can hire any idiot to do it. The only problem with McNamara’s Morons is they tended to shoot the lieutenants who ordered them to charge into the enemy gunfire. Can’t wait for the technocolor flag types to start taking down managers who don’t play their games.

  17. This is all so depressing I feel like I need something stronger than coffee this morning. Been hoping to see used car prices start dropping so I can start looking for one last pre-nanny equipped car to finish out my days; maybe Carvana will have a “going out of business” sale.

    • Had the same idea. Unfortunately, with “Joe Biden’s” valet Micheal Regan announcing a plan to knock down IC vehicles to one-third of the ‘market’ by 2032, this puts a floor under used car prices.

      As America turns into Cuba, everyone understands good used vehicles are scarce and must be hoarded against future need.

      Only a hair-raising, bank-failing, 20%-unemployment recession might temporarily elicit some used vehicles at fire sale prices, before the authorities disastrously attempt to ‘inflate their way out’ with QE5. I’ve got 99 dollars and a dream:

      https://tinyurl.com/2p99ydey

  18. ‘You are inept, possibly an imbecile. Certainly unteachable.’ — eric

    Eric has penned the definitive Daily Mantra of a Congress Clown.

    Now you know why these mental midgets gather for solemn prayer breakfasts: to repeat it together, en masse.

    p.s. Have ‘we’ defeated Putin yet? 🙂

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